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Nice to see I have company here. I never got this one either.
My xWH hated to talk on the phone... kept all calls as quick as possible. But with OW... 20+ times a day. There was one month that was over 1,700 minutes! That's 10 times more than he spends talking to his kids. Sad.
Oh, and I can tell when they're spending time together... the phone calls stop. It's so predictable.
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FWW's EA was almost entirely conducted via telephone. I wish I'd had more recordings before D-Day to really get the depth of their conversations that led up to the "big one" that made me realize I had to confront or go crazy...
My perspective: Conversation is one of my top ENs. I recognize that's a typically "female" emotional need, but if I don't talk I really have trouble functioning. FWW and I, prior to the affair, routinely had 3-hour conversations a night or two a week.
It was when these suddenly disappeared that I became very concerned, and then the next month when the phone bill showed up with over 3,000 minutes on it, I was like "holy $@#%!"
But even if a man isn't chatty, I think all of us men recognize subconsciously that affection and conversation are "romance" to a woman, while recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment are "romance" to a man. We give them what they want so that they give us what we want.
EDIT: A ton of emotional needs can be filled via telephone or video chat if you're creative. FWW and I have enjoyed a number of such sessions when I've been out of town. 'nuff said about that. I havent read this whole thread yet, but your post caught my eye....My WH cell had 3300 minutes on it and over 300 text...I said to WH (at the time we were trying to "work it out") WTF did you talk about all the time, you are not event a talker...He said most of the time it was "what are we gonna do about your wife, what are you gonna do if she finds out, we gotta stop doin this, this isnt right what we are doin." Talk about excrement... Or maybe that made it more exciting, "Ooooo, what are we gonna do when your biatch of a wife finds out?, we gotta stop doin this, but you are my soulmate, what are we gonna do?"
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Perhaps it is easier keeping a fantasy alive if you DONT ACTUALLY HAVE TO SEE THE PERSON. So talking on phone and e-mailing would be perfect. And this is a good point, Bubbles....MY WH only saw her one nite a week, then they would meet for lunch, oh and they worked together. But they dont have to have the day to day, waking up with each other bad breath and all,dirty laundry, cleaning up puke on the couch from DS, Etc...its just all phone and everytime they saw each other its just like a date, you look your best have dinner and sex and then its back home to the biatch and everyday life...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Agree. I also think it's wayward insecurity. WS and OP feel if they don't keep in constant contact to keep addiction/A going they could lose it and they don't want to. It's pure selfishness, me, me, me, me  Gg Or maybe they dont trust each other not to cheat, so they want to be on the phone when they are not with each other to make sure they werent with someone else...  Mmmmmm It seems that maybe they dont trust each other, I wonder why?...  Okay, now I read the whole thread... 
Last edited by stillhere8126; 01/06/10 12:21 AM. Reason: Im done now
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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IMHO that is why technology helps fuel these stinking affairs....
with my FWH he occasionally talked to the FOW on the phone when she called him because she was drunk but most of the time (since she was single and had her own place and they were co-workers so she could seek him out on his jobs) she would just go to his job site sometime during the day and do her ego boosting and stuff there and since with his job i did not know when to expect him home they just met at the bar after work and have a few beers and go to her place right around the corner for their sex....
I am sure if my H were not a technophobe however there would have been all the texting and stuff too.
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Another interesting fact regarding WXH's cell phone usage was that about 6 months before d-day, he switched his cell phone bill to e-billing so it was sent directly to his email and I never saw it. My cell phone, which was also in his name, remained as a regular paper bill that came to the house. Yet another red flag that I didn't clue into until after d-day.
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Yes my WH did the same Tabby, except his bill came without the phone calls listed on it (I didnt notice this til after, because he pays the same no matter what, and I never looked) and mine still had my phone calls listed....yeah and I didnt have a clue either, but I trusted him, what an idiot I was....To trust my own H....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Yeah, the cell phone was interesting for me, too. Although the texts weren't as high as I've seen on this thread, and the conversations didn't last as long. It's just that there were many, many 1-5 minute calls. It's like the focus wasn't on the talking portion of the program, but on the actual emotional 'hits' they got by the contact.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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On Dday I looked at old cell bills of his and this number was on there sooo many times so I looked it up....I missed those bills and I never found out how long the calls were I just looked at how may there were...I wished I looked at how long they were, I do remember some were so long that I noticed them, but not the rest. The bill dissappeared after Dday....
This topic is intriguing to me...Waywards are all so similar.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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And to make matters worse, how f'n unneccesarry? I asked/begged her to let me leave? She was acting so crazy/mean. She could have talked to him face to face, all the time. Nope, noone else is getting her H.  Then after DDAY, the calls go straight to ZERO. What madness these people must have lived through...DUDE
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Joined: Jan 2010
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First post to site. At DD my husband had texted over 4500 text in one month, plus over 350 minutes of phone calls and untold amount of contact through Facebook and yahoo IM. This is a man that up to a few months prior couldn't understand why anyone would text. Now he says it was like a high. Everytime OW contacted him he got a physical rush from the anticipation and secretiveness.
I was in so much denial...feel like a fool...should have trusted my gut feelings about the internet usage I was aware of. But then again what sane person could have imagined the disgusting and unbelievable truth?
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Its all part of their madness, that is the wayward...DUDE
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Yep, wayward madness (I should know).
The texts, IMs, and phone calls were actually more addictive than the sex. I tried to "go straight" three times during my wayward days. But after a month or two, I missed having someone who was "in to me", so I started back up.
It is actually crazy how many married people of both genders are unhappy and on-line hoping that someone will fill their ENs of admiration,affection and conversation. I think things are even harder these days in keeping A's out of marriages because contact on the internet is easy to rationalize but very dangerous.
DT
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