Hey Cat, I feel the same. I just wondered if that would be healthy when it comes to trying to retrieve my marriage.

My WS called CPS on me today. I'm really doing my best to stay calm but am raging inside. He told them that I was upset; duh! And also that I didn't have food to feed my son. Which really makes me angry because I had stocked up on tons of canned foods and frozen foods this summer; I mean tons! My WS had complained that he couldn't afford to eat anyhting but canned raviolis, so I packed up half of my stocked food and gave it to him. I also even gave him a big tupperware container with Pot roast. And then he does that.

I told them that I was upset and explained why. They asked to see my food stock. I showed them. They said it looked really good but are going to come check on me in two weeks. They interviewed my son and asked him if he was worried about me. He explained that dad had left anf that I cried a lot. He told me later that he almost told them how dad had picked him up by his hair, but that he didn't.

My WS is so smug and happy with himself. I am so angry and frustrated right now that I could scream! It's already hard enough without the govt. nosing in every few weeks. Maybe they should check on my WS and the OW. Once again he's trying to make me the "bad guy"! AARGH!

What are you doing to document what he does to you? It's obvious you will have to use evidence against him. He is going to be an A+ Jerk. Protect yourself.

And call the police about him pulling his son by the hair.

The hair pulling thing happened multiple times in the past. I would always diffuse the situation, so I don't know if I could do anything about it now.

I'm really sad, but at the point where I think I really hate him for what he has done; and I don't believe in hate because it hurts me too. God! But I love him at the same time...Okay I guess I love my H and I hate the WS, right?

Does anyone know anything about "Alienation of Affection" laws. The OW is from Illinois and I know that they accept AOA suits. Any input?

I think I'm ready to give up. I really don't want to, but every time I get any strength he pulls more evil crap! I know I should be stronger and not let it affect me, but...Okay, I'm breathing, I'm calm, I'm at peace. Ugh!

Keep your chin up Expects. I just read through your thread and it is heartbreaking, but I admire your strength. I will pray for you.

From what I read, (OM lives in ILL too) there is not much you can take from them monetarily in ILL. There are very strict limits to punitive damages etc.

If you want to make his life miserable for a while though I say go for it. I would be happy to contribute to the "sue the slimeball" fund.

Thanks Bean, I think I'm gaining strength. I have a lot of dirt on him and will bide my time.

Still working Plan A, but because of the surrounding circumstances along with the speed at which the D has progressed, I'm kind of losing hope and the angry Viking redhead in me is coming out.):0 He's never seen that side of me before and really I think he doesn't even know it exists. I really much prefer my nicer side and still have glimmers of hope, but it's fading fast.

We have already been through Mediation. He had agreed to pay all my living expenses for a year, split any profit made on the sale of our home, pay off my vehicle, and give me alimony for a year (normally it would be 3 years alimony, but since he's paying all the other bills I agreed)Also, if the house didn't sell I could take over payments (except I don't have a job right now and am not sure I could get one).

Then I started imagining the possibility of having to move at the same time next year, ugh! We live high up in the Sierra Nevadas (think Donnar Party/Tahoe), and the snow can be outrageous. I asked him if we could do a year and a half so that I could move in nicer weather. That made him angry and he called his attorney and told her to go after me.

He called me today saying he felt bad about it, but that his attorney told him that if she couldn't do it her way that she wouldn't represent him. And he's so afraid for us to file the mediation papers by ourselves because he knows I'm smarter than him and thinks that I have some trick up my sleeve, lol! I wish I did!

He told me he had another idea...He'd give me 25G, pay my living expenses for 2 months at which point I'd move out of the house. He'd still sell it and I would still get half the profit. He'd still pay off my car. But I'd be responsible for my own bills after that.

I know you aren't supposed to move out, but my mom would love it if we were to stay with her while I finished school. I could help her with the bills and still have a healthy nestegg until the house sold.

Any thoughts?

Oh yeah, and he also told me he might not have a job in two months.

I really wonder where he is getting all this money. I asked him if he won the lottery and he said that if he had he wouldn't be working all the overtime .

I also made a booboo and brought up the OW. He said it's not what I think, but wouldn't elaborate. When I questioned further he said that it didn't matter what he did because we are getting divorced.

I don't know what you should do about the house and living there or heading off to do more schooling.

But

keep up the plan A.

That and document anything that happens. Certainly keep the reciepts for the groceries you buy in the future and have the home super neat and tidy and yourself and your child likewise.

Find a hobby too right now. Something you have always wanted to do and can keep you distracted and engaged in life. Enjoyment in something will help ride the storm.

Don't let the angry viking redhead come out to view (she is your Taker and she is not going to do you any good at all).

Thanks Reading! I will stay on plan A and hold my cards close for later if need be; I'll tame the Redhead Viking at least for now, LOL!

I'll take your advice on the other stuff and have thought about taking some dance classes; dancing always makes me happy!

I just read your thread too Bean, and it's awfully sad as well; although it sounds like your progress and success have been greater than mine. It made me cry; but I guess it doesn't take much for that nowdays, lol! It sounds like your WW is a female version of my husband. He was an admitted flirt, and I never cared much for jealousy , besides I trusted him totally; even after the first affair. Stupid and ignorant on my part, I know. It sounds to me like she's insecure deep down and derives her confidence from the OM's attention; it makes her feel attractive. I thrived on that kind of attention in my twenties, yet never allowed it to get physical; unless of course I was in a committed relationship. I realized quickly that it was not "me" they liked(for my inside) but just the way I looked, and the thrill of the chase. I hope your wife can realize that; and my husband too! And that they can see that real love is more than skin deep.

I'm having a very hard time today.

My WH wrote today..."I am sorry truly sorry about everything truly, but I also feel like you have doing everything in your mind to make this hard and confusing and not agreeable.".

My WH wrote today regarding the rape..."The people that did that are just evil and deserve the wrath and pain they will get one day. It hurts, but I truly cannot stay in the role that I was in and get divorced, so I have to be distant from that. From everything.".

Then he basically said that he hopes I have a good life, to be strong for my son and , "Good luck!".

It just hurts so much. Two months ago he loved me soooo much and was my best friend. He was so excited about our new home; our first home, and now we are selling it. I was there for him the whole time he was in Iraq; but I guess she was too. Little did I know he'd just never come home. I didn't even know she existed...

You really need to take your anti-depressants. You have TOO MUCH going on, too many awful things.

Could you go stay with your mom and go to school and just put the D on hold?

I have been taking anti-depressants; not prescription, but they are prescription in Europe and honestly I think they work better than the few others I've tried. I am actually better than I was...it was really bad for a while.

I wish I could put the D on hold, I've tried every delay tactic possible. That is why he's mad.

Like I said, we waited nearly a year for him in Iraq, messaged 20+ times a day, Skyped, called, sent care packages...He couldn't wait to get home to see me, told me how much he loved and missed us. I was sad though because he had timed his leave so he could go to his friends' wedding, so I had him home for two days, it was hard to give up the time with him. He came home from the wedding and was kind of snappy, but i figured it was because his dad was sick and he was stressed about going back to Iraq. He left again to see his dad (same town) and then he never came home. I found out about the divorce by a cell phone message. Less than a month later D papers. He cannot wait to get divorced. He won't explain why. He has told his family and friends a bunch of lies or exaggerations. I found out there is another woman. I think he thinks he's head over heels and plans on marrying her. Still on plan A


He acts somewhat decent if I'm as kind as a tax collector, but if I show any more warmth, he shuts up like a clam, won't talk to me..."I can talk though his lawyer" etc. The messages he sent me today (in the earlier post)are the most warmth I've seen from him sice he left, and they were not that warm and fuzzy.

Our son confronted him today and he said that it has "nothing to do with him". My son corrected him and said "It does too!"

I'm just doing my best to stay strong. I feel so broken. I feel I have to compete with the OW. Normally, I'd blow her away. I'm usually very confident; quiet but strong. But, now with all this I feel so defeated.

So there is no way to slow the divorce? I forget what state you are in.

If you can't slow it down, don't agree to anything he wants.

What would happen if you just moved in with your mom?

I am in Cali. I've tried to change the agreemnet many times; nitpick on wording, change dates, etc...

If I were to move in with my mom before settling the divorce, he'd get everything.

So, we are doing this stupid dance. Every time he starts to feel sentimental, his lawyer will push for him to screw me over and he gets angry again. Of course, she just wants more money. I would care less about the money, but I have a child to support. Otherwise, I'd ot be so worried. I just want him back.

I think if he were to sit and talk with me for even a few hours, he'd be home. He's trying to keep himself cold. It sucks.

I live in Cali too. A quick divorce is not possible here.

Really? Could have fooled me...

My husband came home from Iraq on Oct. 5th. He went to Illinois on the 8th and came back on the 17th, he left again on the 20th and was supposed to come back on the 28th, but "missed" his plane. On the 29th I got the message that he wasn't coming back and we were getting a divorce.

I got the divorce papers on Nov, 21st; our 6th Anniversary. less than a month later. The divorce judgement was suppsed to happen mid-Jan. But it may take longer since I have delayed. Either way..it is 6 months from the date of filing that it is final.

Not that it matters, he's already with the OW, and there is no way he could go back on it now; you can only go back within the first 30 days after filing.