ok.

Oh, quitcher bitchin'. You have a lot to offer here. You've already helped a lot of people. So shaddup already.

Oh, ye of little faith! Light a candle, turn off the lights, play some relaxing music, bring a glass of wine sparkling cider or cup of hot tea, set the timer for 20 minutes... you don't know what you're missing! Almost as good as yoga...

Pepper, Where have I read your signature line before?

Have you ever tried pear sparkler? I swear it's every bit as good a champagne without the consequences!

Almost as good as Yoga is supposed to be an endorsement?

Don't knock it until you've tried it (spoken as a runner who has also engaged in yoga).

" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "
Yogi Berra

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
~Yogi Berra

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
- Yogi Berra

"It's like d�j� vu all over again."
~Yogi Berra

Eleven hours and counting until The Leopard and her crew show up to begin the move-out process. I think I'm prepared. I've invited a number of people (half of whom will never show, I'm sure), laid in a stock of provisions, and have gotten myself into a pretty detached frame of mind (I think).

I wonder how I should appear when she shows up? Should I be nicely dressed, shaved and "looking good?" Should I smile when I open the door to let her in? I think I'm prepared to not become entangled in conversation, and have been rehearsing one-sentence responses, "uh-huh" and deflection techniques ("I haven't given it any thought," "you could be right" "are you hungry or thirsty?"). I guess I'm still not clear on the body language. Should I appear friendly and non-threatening? Or should I show her my disgust and eagerness to have her gone?

In truth, I can't wait for the end of the weekend. I want so much to get through this without losing my cool or appearing as the bad guy (I don't know who she's bringing with her, but they've obviously been sold on her fairy tale, so who knows what sort of ogre they're expecting?).

Fred, let me just say you are very worthy, and I can say your support and guidance has been extremely valuable to me. You have inspired me to give back what I can when I can to others, and I have plan to overpay back the debt I owe to this forum (and you) in the future.

I am inspired and get strength from your honesty, and progress. Worthy? Hell yes!

Good luck this weekend. I doubt you will need it though, you are all over the right things.

IIWY, when I opened the door, I would be SO over her.

"It ain't the heat, it's the humility."
- Yogi Berra

Okay, I'll stop.

Fred-O, you're gonna do fine tomorrow. Just try to relax. Remember to breathe. Don't let her drag you into the muck. Stay above it.

Again, I think you're gonna do just fine.

Let us know.....

TB

I had to read that twice, catperson. The first time I thought it said you would be so ALL OVER her. Then I realized what you were saying.

But what are you saying? I have heard it said that the opposite of love is indifference. I think I've been trying to get to that "indifferent stance" so that when she shows up she won't get a rise, a sneer -- nothing out of me.

Not aloof, exactly. I said before that I wanted it to be just like she was an old tenant moving out. No attachment, nothing.

Another journal note. Somewhat bittersweet.

This evening as I was inviting folks to my weekend "open house/WW move-out" party I asked a woman, who with her husband had come to our original open house when The Leopard and I first moved in.

When I informed her of the reason for the "party," she expressed surprise and dismay. She told me how she remembered how so much in love I appeared to be with The Leopard, how I couldn't keep from touching her and how so right we seemed for each other. It saddened her deeply to learn of the A.

But then she said a few things that also touched me. First, she said I should not blame myself. I argued that I had played a part, by not being more attentive to her emotional needs, but she countered with, "No, Fred. She would have done this anyway. Some people don't change." Wow. She identified The Leopard much faster than I. Once again, someone without the emotional attachment can see so much more clearly.

She also told me that I should ignore anyone who tells me to "get over it." You never "get over it," instead, you wind up getting "through it." She told me of her brother's suicide in 1977. It was the same with her. You don't get over it, you get through it. You get past it.

And so it is. The Leopard's devastation of my dreams has become part of me. It is now part of who I am. But it is only a part. It is not who I am. It is another chapter in my life's book. Not the final chapter.

Praying for you this morning, Fred.

Mark

Yep. It will drive her crazy for you to give her no more attention than an old high school acquaintance. To have moved on. To soothe her ego, she's probably built up an image of you pining away, ready to burst into tears the moment you see her. When she sees you in the middle of a football game or something, getting on with your life...voila!

Can't imagine anything else that would knock some sense in her than to see you move on.

You will be fine Fred. I had the same confusion right before my 2 day trial, but I made it. I was actually surprised because I didn't feel much for XWH, mainly because it was a person that I really didn't know.

The flood of feelings will come after it is all over and she is gone. While you are in the middle of it, you will be on auto pilot....