You got the papers for the divorce, but unless you agree to his terms, it will take a long time. Even if you signed today, it would be 6 months from the filing date.

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but you need to do more checking. He can try to starve you out, and if he does that, you just apply for welfare.

My point is, DON'T agree to something you don't want. The affair will end, I promise you that. You just need to hold out and take good care of yourself and your family.

You are right. It is 6 months from the filing date, but we will be divorced regardless. The last chance he had to withdraw was 30 days after filing. He has zero intention of withdrawing.

He is going to move to Illinois to be with her in an few months. He won't see me, rarely will talk to me or email me. The only hope I have is that when we went to mediation, I was so afraid I wouldn't see love in his eyes for me; but I did. Lots of sadness too.

I know he still loves me but is in love with her. I think I'd be stronger if it weren't for the rape, but that really got me while I was already down.

I think this is also why it hurts so much...When I was a kid; the same age my son is now, my parents got divorced. I was sad, but not too worried because I knew they both loved me and that I could still see my dad...

He saw me for a month or so on weekends, then one day when he was supposed to pick me up, he didn't show. I called and asked him where he was and he said he wasn't coming, that he wasn't my dad (big shock), that he never wanted to see me again and that he didn't love me. It totally crushed me. I have never been able to love any man since, until my husband. I totally trusted him because he had been through a similar thing. He swore he'd never hurt me or my son like that.

You see, my son also never met his real dad and my husband is the only dad he has ever known. He was going to adopt him too. So, not only do I have my own pain and shock to deal with from this, plus the rape, but i feel like I'm watching my son headed into the same pain I went through as a kid. My husband swears he won't do that to him, but he also swore he wouldn't do this to me.

Oh and did I mention that he is quitting his high level govt. job so that he can be with her?

Even if the judgement happened today, it would still take 6 months from filing for it to be final. In mediation my husband was so upset about that because he thought it was the seperation date; he can't wait!

EAM, you never know what can happen in 6 months. Even if he never comes back, you can use the next 6 months for YOU. You've got a 6 month plan to make an amazing future, ok? Even if he's not there, you can become fabulous, yourself.

You are right Cat! I just have my moments of weakness, pity-potty, down-in-da-dumps stuff. But thank you; you always have the greatest advice! Keppin' my chin up!

Thank you so much for the kind words. I think her situation is exactly as you described, She is very attractive but has a very negative opinion of her looks and these guys made her feel attractive.

I will keep praying for you. Your strength remains an inspiration. It is my hope that no matter what happens you find happiness. You deserve it.

There is lots of hope. Affairs almost always end - 99% of the time.

Do what you can to stall the divorce. Until then, take care of yourself and your family. You have a lot going on.

Thanks Bean! I'll be praying for you as well; along with everyone else here.

I hope you can find happiness too!

As for my strength, I don't feel all that strong, but I suppose I'm doing as good as possible considering.

Thanks Believer! I'm hanging on to hope. I'm just worried because he is planning on quitting his job and moving across the country to be with her. He says there's nothing for him here. I really think that he is having a hard time with the D. It has all happened so fast. I think that is why he has made so many trips back...he gets sentimental and has to go back to get his fix from the OW. Now reality is setting in, he spent all our money, he has to pay for two residences and can't just flit back there whenever he wants. I've given him some of his things; almost all gifts from me. So, each of those things has memories attached. He's actually pretty sensitive inside, but when he feels hurt he closes up like a clam. He may be beginning to crack a bit. I hope and pray!

I'm stalling all I can. Doing my best at Plan A; although I do need to pick my spirits up a bit. I wish I would have known about this site this summer. I was being fabulous, looking and feeling great, except I was aloof with my H because he had said I was "little or no effort" on his part. If I would have just done Plan A then, I know he'd be here.

This stuff takes lots of time, much more than is comfortable. When I found out my WH was cheating, I didn't think I could last a month.

But the truth is, affairs almost always end. It is just so excruciatingly painful in the meantime.

Stall, get your chin up, and start making a good life today. He will be back and you might even still want him.

Oh my...our son is the one who told me who the OW was, and that there even was one. A few weeks ago he came home from visiting WH and walked in the door and said there was something he had to tell me. He said he had asked his dad if he was leaving me because I was old. He told me WH said no, but that he didn't love me anymore. Our son said, "you're seeing someone else, huh?". WH said I'll show you her; weird but they have always talked about guy stuff like girls, sports, and farting; ewww. When they got to the house he showed our son her pic on FB. Our son said he didn't remember her name but said she was wearing a Bears football jersey. He said that after WH showed him her profile pic, WH spent their whole visit looking at half naked pics of her while our son played video games. Our son is quite the eavesdropper. For example.. once I was sitting in the library talking with his least favorite teacher about politics. Our son was worried I was talking with her about him and I learned towards the end of our conversation that he had been hiding under the library table listening the whole time. I never seem to be able to have a private conversation when he is around. I never asked our son info about WH or OW, but our son told me that this is a war, and that he's the General. I wasn't even certain there was an OW until our son told me; I half wondered if it could be PTSD.

Anyhow...Since WH had blocked me off his FB I started looking at his friends' friends. I finally found a woman in a Bears jersey. I looked at her profile and she had recently friended nearly all my WH friends and her sister had recently friended my WH. My son walked in the room and said, "that's her!".

So, I began writing the exposure letter, but wanted to find more physical proof first. Upon urging from folks on MB, I called a P.I. where she lives, but he told me that I could get into trouble doing the exposure letter since WH had already filed for D.

I was very frustrated and I spoke with my mom about it. Well, apparently our son overheard and went onto his FB account and wrote his own letter and sent it off.

I got an email from my WH today, in it he said...

" he wrote to her whole family and others as well, that is embarrasing and now old friends wont talk to me, so I dont even really check it anymore."

Then he went on to say that stuff like that isn't love. And threatened that if our son was going to do stuff like that he'd never see him again.

I went and checked and OW has now either totally made her FB invisible or has deleted her account.

Our son is kind of different. I guess you have to know him. For example, he asked Santa for a "Don't Tread on Me" flag for Christmas and will stand outside waving it anytime WH comes by. He arranged a protest with all the neighborhood kids when he learned WH wasn't coming home; with picket signs and all. He has presented speeches to the Board of Directors of the local Library urging them to extend library hours; which they did as a result. Nearly all who meet him think he's going to be a lawyer, politician, or even President. He's very charismatic and daring and never afraid to speak his mind. I'm sure WH gets and earful when he spends time with our son. Also our daughter is very similar and very eloquent; although a bit more subtle than our son. She is very upset as well.

I had already exposed to his family; they are all on my side, but had been hesitant about WH friends and OW family.

I feel badly that our son felt he needed to do that, but part of me is glad he did.

I'm not sure how to respond to WH email...Any suggestions? He's supposed to pick up our son tomorrow for a visit.

Thanks Believer! It's been two and a half months of excuciating pain; but I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Of course in a few hours I may be a total mess again; such a roller-coaster! I'm keeping my head up. I have decided that I have to find the strength I had this past summer and focus on the future and be fabulous!

I am so impressed with your son!

If your WH's friends won't speak to him, it's not because of anything your son wrote. More 100% due to what your WH is doing. You could reply with that, if you feel the need to reply. In no way should you apologise, in case that thought crossed your mind.

No, I wasn't planning on apologies. I am impressed with my son too! But am also worried about the heat he will face tomorrow; he's only ten. I just went onto his FB and found out what he wrote...

"This is ***** I love him dearly he�s also my dad and if you believe in god and marriage then don�t let ****** or my dad see each other both me and my mom are hurt and we waited 10 months for him to come home so just please go agenst it im begging you and my dad ses that mom cheated and speat all the money but its not true please if you don�t act fast my dad will be gone foreverplease respond"

I'm so impressed. A little sad, though, that he felt he had to do what he saw you not doing. Not a dis at you, just what I think he may have felt, without even realizing it. Then again, kids just naturally think it's their job to take care of things.

I would talk to him, though, before tomorrow. Explain how waywards think and act. Tell him beforehand that his dad is acting like a child, a petty one, and may try to throw a tantrum at him. And if he does, just let it roll off his back, because this man is not really his dad, his dad's buried deep inside like a sci-fi movie, and he has to be patient for the real dad to emerge.

He's writing me a bunch now and he is very angry!

Thanks Cat, I'm pretty sad too! I will explain that to him. Our daughter understood that even before i did; in the beginning when I texted her asking if she had spoken to her dad, she replied with, "you mean the one that looks like my dad?".

She's a force herself. She told me that she wrote him an email saying that since the man she loved the most (dad) wasn't there for her maybe she should find a boyfriend to fill the void, but that of course once she loved him...he'd leave her too.

TravelMonkey, I wrote back what you said; pretty much and was kind and positive. I haven't received anymore angry emails; yet anyway. Thanks for the advice

That's because the exposure is working. Which is why YOU should be exposing all you can.