(((((Queenie))))),

You moved again!!!!!!.....

Read and re-read Pep's posts.....

It is sometimes hardest to see the rainbows through the storms.....

Loves you bunches honey....

not2fun

(((((Queenie))))),

Hey honey, I hope you are enjoying your vacaction!!...anyway, I wanted to let you know I have a surprise for you over in SaA. I hope you can take a lookey-see......

Not2fun

Hi all,

Thank you so much for your support. I have to be honest Pep, accepting what you wrote is really hard for me. It's so weird, I am having this most amazing conversation with my cousin on FB and she lived the exact same life I did, with verbal abuse, emotionless parents, living in fear etc and has so many issues herself. Weight isn't one of them, but drugs, alcohol, bad relationships etc are.

I went back to work today and it was hard and easy at the same time. It was just the teachers so it was nice to work into it easy. But I had to be there at 6 am and set up for breakfast. I didn't sleep very well at all.

H and I are both getting sick and when he gets sick, it usually turns into something more serious. One of the things I promised G-d was to be more loving and caring. I think I lied....

I'm a little sad the Redskins fired Zorn, because he is a favorite up here in the PNW, but they SUCK and I want to win games.

I'm avoiding the food deal for obvious reasons. I would surely like to get anorexia for a while...

I gotta tell ya, I am astounded by how much abuse ran in my family.... all sides of it.... I thought I was imagining some of it. Nope... My weight is protecting me. Somehow I have to intuitively have me understand I am safe and it's ok to be exposed as it were....

I'm not really a PA person, so that isn't a carrot for me...

The infamous infidelity diet.

Yeah, I have an amazing support system. It's ME... I don't want to do anything, but then I do? What I really want is that magic pill to give me the desire to do something with immediate results...

Once you get hold of that magic pill/ find out what it is made of, can you let me know where you got it?

or I can sell it and make all the money in the world to order all of us up a cruise ship and FINALLY get to meet.

Count me aboard, please.

Queenie, the food/weight thing is something we've briefly discussed before. I know it's hard to change the diet and start an exercise program. Therefore, the change that I have recently made is doing the little things where I can. I'm not necessarily going out of my way, but making more of the opportunities that already exist in my life.

For example, when I go to any store, I park further away in the parking lot to force myself to walk a little more. I realize when it's raining here that's not a very attractive option, but water only hurt the Wicked Witch of The West and we're used to it, right? How far are you able to park away from your work building?

I return my shopping cart into the store.

I almost always look for the option to take the stairs up or down if it's two stories or less. When I get in better shape, maybe I'll up it to three stories.

I get the laundry basket or the drink from the fridge or the paper -- I do more of the little things that I otherwise ask my kids to do.

I get my salad dressing on the side and dip my fork into the dressing first before I stab the lettuce.

I use light mayo. I know I shouldn't use any mayo and I try to avoid it, but some things are not going to go away completely.

I check food packaging. I don't know all of the bad stuff and I suck at balancing carbs vs. fat vs. sodium vs. protein, etc., but I do know that high-fructose corn syrup is something no one needs in their diet yet it is in many of our everyday foods -- even "good-for-you" foods like yogurt. I avoid these foods whenever possible.

When I'm carrying in the groceries, I lift them just a couple of times from the handles straight out to the sides or bent arms in front -- as if they're weights.

I put my pants on and shoes and socks while standing verses sitting down. This improves balance which is good for your body and your brain.

I own four colorful, large tumblers that I use at work and home. I drink water. I drink water. I drink water. Great for the body, for weight management, and for your skin.

While standing in any line, I do calf raises for leg muscles and again for balance.

There are many other great ideas on the *** Smiles & Trials 3 -> TJ'S Welcome *** thread here in "In Recovery".

Start small and recognize the little victories. This is something I've had to recognize as I've tried to get back on the healthy path recently. Don't focus on the overall, up-hill battle of losing 50 pounds. That's a big, intimidating number. Instead, look at being able to make it up two flights of stairs instead of one. Revel in the fact that you lose 1/2 an inch from your waist. Celebrate making it around the track a little bit further than you did the last time, even if that further is 1/8th of a lap.

I'm measuring my success in weekly measurements. All I am asking of myself at this point is that I lose weight -- whether it's .1 pounds or 1.0 pounds or 10 pounds... My only expectation is to lose something. And over time it adds up.

These are my get-started ideas. I also cannot stress enough the benefits that getting enough sleep offers your overall health and weight loss/management.

Thanks again for lunch last week and your warm, direct, and supportive wisdom. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.

Love you.

Hi Queenie and L4 (JT waving from the damp north valley)

I miss you both!

I'll take that magic pill too, oh if it were only that easy ....

The cruise ship .... how great would that be, yup to meet all you MBers I have always thought would be the ultimate reunion.
Of course I would have to meet you all in the ports since I don't do cruises, there is something about not seeing land in my view, freaks me out.
I don't like water skiing any more cuz I don't like being left behind in the water, waiting for the boat to come back after I spill. I know .... I'm not right. Oh well.

I lost the most weight on that famous infidelity diet too, actually no that 's not true, I did Susan Somers diet a few yrs ago and actually got down to a great weight.

Queenie, you mentioning that when 'you lost your weight, you then went out and destroyed it', has made me think on this the last few days. I do the same darn thing. Why?
One of the reasons I came up with, for me, was this .... I get down to a desirable weight, then I cheat, nibble etc., cuz I feel entitled, like I deserve that chocolate or those mashed potatoes with gravy. It snowballs after that.
I get a wayward weight mindset, aka WWM .... but for some reason that has helped me not to cheat the last day and 1/2 anyway. I don't want to be wayward!

So, thank you !

Hi, Queenie.

It's crappy weather, ain't it. Though, I'm not complaining because at least we're above freezing, unlike most of the other folks out there.

I'm waving southeast to you and north to JT, hoping you both are doing well. Thank you both for your support on my thread and IRL.

May 2010 be your best year ever, Queenie. You most certainly deserve it.

Mwah.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie!

Shalom Alecheim Mark,

Happy Weekend Everyone

Well this has been an ICKY week. I have been so wiped out, sick or whatever. No energy, not a cold, no fever. Don't think it was the flu, but I went to work, barely concentrated, came home and went to sleep. I had the weirdest cough and it's still hanging on.

I HATE being sick. But the interesting thing.. H was very distant. I finally pushed him and he told me he was just worried. Hmmm. He never reacted like that before. Course I am usually healthy and very strong....

It's been a very windy weekend, not to mention nothing of the chaos that the Redskins created. If I didn't know better I swear the organization is alcoholic...But alas, the Seahawks have joined the race of insanity so it's kinda nice to see it somewhere else.

The weather was really a factor last night, cold, windy and rainy, we went to start a fire and smoke was billowing out from the sides, underneath, anywhere but up top. Lucky us got to open up the doors, cross air as the wind storm (which I am kinda grateful for since it pushed the smoke out so fast, but then there was the rain pouring in.), a fan and it was FREEZING....Not to mention a grouchy 17 year old DS who was frustrated, cold, hungry and not sure what to do. Ah.. G-d loves to test me doesn't he.

I didn't scream, I didn't yell, I patiently, well as patiently as I could piece by piece handled the situation then made dinner. H comes home, oblivious and walks into son's anger, into the kitchen and I ask him to take over. Call the landlord, etc because I'm cooking his dinner. Well he must have been really tired and frustrating so I happily finished dinner, took a LONG hot shower and climbed into bed to escape the grouches.

I haven't been to a meeting in almost a week so I am a little nuts, but I also haven't had the energy. I'm hoping for tonight.

This morning, the repairman just came and we got into the most fascinating conversation. We have recovery in common and in fact he is probably going to start going to meetings with us to get connected. But guess who else was the topic of conversation. Oh yes, OW... As I was describing the what our other house was like he nailed me. He said, you needed to be humbled. The most interesting part, he was RIGHT. This meth addict who once upon a time I would have thought myself better than nailed me and was so right and instead of being embarrased I owned up to it and we laughed about it. One druggy talk the truth to another druggy. That was a really special moment for me.

Onto OW, that darn car of hers is still on the side of the road and we get to pass it everyday. This guy wants it. Personally he can just take it, but he is going to have to contact her for permission I guess. She just abandoned the car for over 6 months now. I wonder what the options are.

Anyways, he did comment that he thought H seemed happier than when he first met him - living with her. But I have to be honest and say he then retracted a while later and said he didn't really know H so he can't say. I like this guy. I like his honesty.

So it's been over 6 months since we have gotten back together. So much of our relationship is brand new and some of it, well it just isn't as far as I hoped. My timeline is in place, but until I get there, I do the best I can. I give it to G-d and pray as hard as I can.

I find that I still want to talk about the A not to bash him but because he has information that helps me feel safer and he doesn't get this part of it. I'm adamantly incorporating MB principles into our life, and I can see so much effort on his part, I'm just wondering what is natural at 6 months.

I want to dump here and keep him out of it, but then I'm not being open and honest about stuff and that's a disaster in the making...

Any thoughts?

Hi Queenie

Hope you're feeling better soon. Do you know why you want to keep him out of it?

I guess the question is when do you STOP talking about the A?

When you don't need to know anything else and he doesn't need to tell you anything else.

By then you should both be able to talk about it without either of you melting down...

Ok... here's the deal.

I still have questions. He doesn't have answers and sometimes is receptive to try and answer them and other times he gets frustrated with me.

I want a M that is deep, loving and caring. I know he wants that, but something is stopping him. He says he wants it, but those darn actions aren't there. He is just superficial. When I ask him about EN's he can tell me how I am meeting his and how happy he is. But he doesn't seem to get that I have needs to, if that makes sense.

So, I continue to pray and give him to G-d and work on myself. Because no matter what happens I still need work.

BTW what I am TRULY trying to say is not coming. I'm having a very hard time find the right words to express what's happening.

I'm really sorry.

Hello Queenie!

When he has answered thoroughly every question you have asked as many times as you have needed to ask to verify the "truth" is the truth.

When you feel in your gut he has not only been honest with his answers but has been OPEN, as in, not withholding information that wasn't directly asked but would certainly be relevant.

Queenie, I really do hate being the negative voice in recovery, but there are so many red flags in your situation I just about come unglued everytime I read your stuff.

I don't mean to be hurtful to you. I care a great deal about you. But what I see is that you had your bar set so low (just end the affair) that you are now stuck with a WH whose affair died a natural death all on its own and so he came back home. Not changed. Not better. Still the same entitled, selfish man.

You allowed him to return home and back into your life full force with no just compensation, no meaningful commitment to start being a great husband.