I was on here a while ago as my WH left for a woman @ his work. After 17 months of trying to reconcile I am finished and have moved on. Although my divorce is not final (waiting on paperwork) as of yet, it feels like it is after all this time. So I have tried to start dating.
I have started spending time with a man that I play softball with. My ex also plays ball with him on mens league. This man has seen everything that I had gone through and had been there for me to talk with. So as time has gone on we have become some what close. I have started to have feelings for him. Which is great. We have been together a few times which only makes these feelings stronger. No one is aware of this b/c of my pending divorce and given the situation that he plays ball with him as well.
So as this is going on we aren't actually dating. He does his thing and I do mine. The time we spend together is usually at the house or we talk alot at the ball field. I was starting to feel a bit used as you can probably tell by the situation. I guess people call it friends w/ benefits. So I backed off and didnt contact him for almost 2 weeks and just did my own thing. I went on 2 dates during that time and to be quite honest found myself comparing these guys to my friend. That's terrible. But that's when I actually realized how strong my feelings were getting for him.
A week ago he contacted me and came over and we hung out for a few hours. Talking, watching movie stuff like that. When he left, he stated to me.. " I don't know if you were ignoring or avoiding me or if you were just giving me space but don't do that anymore." I laughed b/c I didn't think he noticed that I hadn't contacted him. Given our conversation earlier that night and that comment when he left, I think he might actually be starting to have feelings for me as well. Even though he has noted before he isn't ready for any relationship.
So I guess what I'm wondering is.. Am I falling for the wrong person? Do you think maybe he is starting to have feelings? I'm very confused.
Let me just say also that he is also concerned how I am and always asks how my kids are and such. Really seems like he cares.

Thank you for any thoughts you all can provide to me.

Thank you!!

Ivmar,
Take this with a grain of salt as I have not been D. I have been here a few years and seen what does happen to D people. I think you are in very dangerous territory. You are not D yet and you are very vulnerable. You have not grieved your D and you have not become a healthy whole person. Under these circumstances it really is not fair to this other guy to get involved with you at this time.

Gg

i agree with Gg. i have seen a few times where people lean on someone through a tough period in there life only to have that person be a rebound relationship.

I don't think you want to ruin your friendship or the chance at this being a good healthy relationship in the long run. Just tred carefully if you are going to proceed with this relationship.

Thankyou both very much for replying. I do in my heart feel that I have grieved this divorce of my husband b/c it has been so long it's been going on. I have no feelings good or bad for my ex and he is engaged of all things to this other one. We really only speak about the kids and leave it at that.

I do completely understand about not hurting my friend and I would've never gotten involved if I still had any emotions left about the situation with my ex. Talking with my friend about my ex and the divorce stopped months ago and all we do when we talk is to get to know ech other and things that we share common interests about.

I really want to make sure that I'm not hurting my self by having feelings for someone who may not feel the same. His vibes are very back and forth.

I appreciate your comments and will definitely think about them and take whatever action I need to..to make sure that neither of us is hurt. I do care for him a great deal and would like to have that relationship in the future if he also wants that. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Thank you

Ask yourself: What are your top needs right now and why? In two years from now what do you think your top needs will be and why?

Gg

Right now I really feel that what I want is for someone who is going to love me for being me. Love my kids. And wants to spend his life with me through good and bad. Someone who is genuine and caring. Someone who I share common interests with and we can talk about everything. Become one.

In my future I want the same. Maybe that's asking for too much.

Ivmar, I honestly don't think you should try and pursue a relationship with this man. Others have mentioned that you probably aren't ready and I definitely can see the possibility as well. I also have doubts about this guy being someone you should date. As you stated, he specifically said he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. It sounds alot like you're trying to convince himself that he cares. As well, I personally have concerns about a guy who would get involved with a married woman, even if the woman sees the marriage as over. I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with him later, I just don't see the point of getting into one now.

Can you ask him to explain that statement? I find it to be one of the dumbest phrases ever, and IMO, it is used only when someone wants sex without any entanglements (read mr_confused's thread).

Is that what you want too?

AGG

This situation has rebound written all over it. I'm sorry. While rebounds can feel really good at the time, they are often very painful. Keep this guy at arms length and give yourself more time.