I agree! I have been writing a secondary letter entitled., "the truth". My WH has been telling everyone that I have been doing the things he has been doing and worse. He says I cheated, but I didn't, I never have; I had a mutual friend of ours hit on me this summer but I told him no. So I'm writing this to prove his allegations false...Do you think that a good idea? Basically, he has been justifying his actions by accusing me of cheating.. What would you suggest?

HA! Your kids sound awesome. You must be very proud of them.

The Don't Tread on me thing is too funny.

LOL! Yes they are both so very amazing! I love them so much, but feel bad that I don't have the strength they have; I'm usually the strongest one of all!

Our son just returned from lunch with WH. He said WH didn't mention the exposure letter at all. WH was extra nice to me. Weird.

Okay...this is weird. I knew WH was being extra nice. Not lovey-dovey, but nice; which is weird for him lately. He brought my son home from lunch and my son handed me a bag with ToGo boxes; I figured it was leftovers. Come to find out my WH had bought me lunch too; Chicken Alfredo w/Garlic bread. He also told me to go onto our cell phone plan and order a new phone for myself. Is he feeling guilty? Is the Plan A and exposure working? Is he up to something? Sorry, I just don't have tons of trust right now...

IMO, you (and your son) shocked the hell out of him by standing up for yourselves. I truly think that people are just so used to everyone else NOT standing up or saying anything that, when they do, it just throws them for a loop. So...it kind of makes him look at you with new eyes. Maybe it's him questioning his actions, maybe it's a kernel of respect, or maybe it's fear and wondering what else you're going to do to him. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Just keep going strong and fighting the good war.

Thanks Cat, I will! It was also weird because he asked me if I was okay AND looked me in the eyes whaen he asked it. I didn't know what to say I was shocked! My first instinct was to say, Heck no, jerkface! But I didn't. I kept thinking of this site, but my mind went blank, so I just smiled. I walked back to my car; I had been cleaning it when he showed up, then he had our son call me back to the car (they were sitting in it ready to pull away) to ask me another question; something about a pocketknife and how he needed it for protection while he was walking the dog. I found it funny because the dog is a giant English hound that is bred to hunt bears and mountain lions and would surely be much more protection that a little pocket knife. But I told him if I came across it, I'd be sure to set it aside for him. Did I do okay?

Sounds great. Oh, and walking away without answering...priceless! Excellent choice. Him looking at you like that, he's seeing you with new eyes. You are NOT what he THOUGHT you were (a pushover); now he's wondering if he underestimated you, i.e. if it's YOU he needs to be thinking of.

Of course, that doesn't mean he's changing his mind. But the things you are doing may definitely be helping.

Good! I am finally getting some strength and feel I may be headed down the right path. Thanks Catperson!

What do you think of my idea for a follow up letter from me. I would shed light on the truth about myself, since my WH is justifying his behavior by either lying or exaggerating the truth. Those who don't know me just believe it. The other thing that the P.I. told me was that if I expose out of state it is doubtful that the courts would pursue, but that since he has a lawyer here, she may. I know our son didn't write All of her friends or coworkers and I also know of some friends of his that I could still find on FB. I already exposed to one of them; his Marine Corps roommate when we first met.

Should I wait until the papers are signed next week? If his lawyer takes me to court I stand to get less than his offers...There are two... First offer: He pays all my bills for a year; including the house payment, we try to sell the house (I get half of any profit); if it doesn't sell then I can take over the house if I want, he pays my car and gives me $350 for food and gas a month. Second offer...He pays all the bills for two months; I move out of the house, he gives me 25G cash, pays my car off, and we split profit on the house...but I have to pay the rest of my bills for the remainder of the year.

It's hard, I'm in my senior year of college, have no job, the house reminds me of him; which makes it hard.

His lawyer is chomping at the bit to go to court as opposed to mediation, so I think if I sent the letter before we sign, it would mess up any offer.

Also. HW says he may not have a job in two months; I'm assuming because he's moving to Illinois to be with OW. The 25G is looking pretty good because of that, although I don't know where he is getting the $ from. I know our finances and I KNOW he doesn't typically have access to that kind of $.

That's really out of my league. I'd wait to see if others chime in tomorrow. What exactly is the purpose of the letter? Who would you send it to?

The people that Our son missed. The purpose is to shed light on the truth.

Like I said, I'm pretty sure he's been telling his friends bad things about me that aren't true in order to justify his infidelity and the divorce. I really think he's even starting to believe it himself. I found out that he was telling them those things because he started saying them to me and we both know they aren't true; although I think he may be beginning to believe his own lies now. I only guess that was his "cover story" to his friends as to why he's cheating and divorcing me so that they'd feel sorry for him and be accepting of it all.

I wrote him and told him I didn't appreciate him saying those lies about me to his friends. I wasn't certain he had at first until he wrote back saying that he couldn't believe I had hacked his FB account; I hadn't. He has me blocked.

So, I feel like he is being supported because they don't know the truth. Maybe it's not a good move, maybe it's dumb. I already have told his family. They are all supporting me, but he has shut them out too.

Do you think exposure isolates them both and brings them closer together?

I guess I'd say that, now that your son has started the exposure (that you should have done), you may as well finish it. I would make the letter VERY short, though, VERY matter of fact, nothing about making yourself look good.

"My H has been having an affair with Biotch and is now justifying it by saying I 'caused' him to do it. I am trying to save my marriage and am asking you to help me save our family by not condoning their actions."

I know I should have, but am also concerned about the future of our son and I. I was scared to..our son overheard me telling my mom and did it himself. I feel bad, but I also saw an effect. I know I need to finish and will use your suggestion. I'm so tired of the games!

I'm feeling worse today. I know I shouldn't let WH affect me. I guess I'm just frustrated. When I saw WH on Sunday he had been away from his BFF for three days and was feeling sentimental. His BFF has been trying to break us up for years; my husband even told me that. But, now it's Monday...their desks are right beside each other and the WH is now being an A**H***. And when he's not with BFF, he's making trips back to see the OW. I'm pretty certain that the H inside him still loves me, but after all the lies and half truths he has told everyone who is his support, how can I break through?

Hon, you can't break through. Protect yourself and your wonderful kids.

Make a good life. I'm certain hubby will be back, but have confidence that you will be just fine with, or without him.

Thanks Believer. I just feel like I'm on a crazy rollercoaster; up and down, up and down. I miss him so much and find it so hard to make that go away.

UGH! WH being an even worse jerk today! He mentioned the exposure again and was very angry, maybe there was more fallout? He now wants to go back on our Marital Settlement Agreement and is trying to threaten that if I don't agree to his lawyers terms, then she will go to court and throw our son and I onto the street. He's saying that he always paid all the bill and that I'm being selfish and manipulative; but it's my understanding that the money is community money when you are married. He also said that if I really loved him I'd want him to be happy. LOL! Yea, okay, "I love you so much that it's okay that you have been having an affair and are destroying our family,as long as it makes you happy honey!"

I stayed calm and kind, but the less I reacted to his BS, the angrier he became. I sure hope I'm doing this right. I feel like I'm risking a lot, and for a possible gooseegg.

He also said that if I don't agree with his lawyers terms then we will go to court and..."then my attempt to maybe remain friends is revoked."

OH NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

How will you ever survive if he withdraws being your friend?!

Oh the agony!

LMAO!! Yes Cat, that is what I thought!

I'm having kind of a hard time dealing with not making any SD's. We are going through divorce mediation and have agreed to two sererate agreements on two seperate occasions. Each time his lawyer will step in and rewrite the agreement so that it is nowhere close to resembling our agreement.

This last time, I haven't even seen it, but I guarantee if she wrote it; instead of the mediator, I won't like it. My WH says that we will go to mediation again, but I will have to choose one of his lawyers agreements. I said NO WAY! To me those agreements are lists of demands and not agreements at all.

So, now he says I'm being selfish.

How do you avoid selfish demands when you're just trying to ensure it is fair? I don't want a divorce and feel it is being shoved down my throat, and now the lawyers so called agreement too! Ugh!

I emailed WH today at work; he normally doesn't work Fridays, but now has to work overtime Fri and Sat so that he can afford two places; poor baby! I asked him how his day was going. His response..."Alright, I just love to work!"

Don't cave in. WH is agreeing with the media to save face then uses his lawyer to get what he wants. The cowards way.