Well me and my WH filled out the love buster questionnaires and went thru them last night. We managed not to fight which was a positive. Some things he said I thought were pretty funny. 4 out of the 6 questions about when the love busters started occurring for him after the affair....imagine that! So many of his complaints were directly involving the affair. What does that mean? Did he have very little complaints about our marriage before the affair? If so, to me that makes his choice that much more selfish!

The one big thing on his list that happen before the affair was my selfish demand. He wrote...more kids....I couldn't believe it! WE got pregnant unexpectedly 3 years ago and he blamed me for that from the start. Said for over a year that I got pregnant on purpose! If he is still harboring these feelings toward me, it worries me.

He said one of his worries was my new found independence. I guess that is the risk he took when he let me walk out the door a year ago and didn't bother stopping me or helping me with the kids.

Anyway, we got thru it w/o fighting. Next we are going thru the emotional needs questionnaire. This ought to be interesting!

One step forward at a time. Endurance not speed.

We went through the emotional needs questionnaire last night. Got through it ok, no fighting. Some things he said surprised me. He claims he needs sex only 5 times a week, he has always wanted it once a day but a lot of times 2/day.

He also said I talk too much about religion and want to do too much of my activities with religion. Wow! He is the one who came to me a few months ago and said HE wanted to go to church and draw closer to God. And my activities w/church.....church on Sundays, prayer on Tuesdays, and bible study 2/month. Is that too much? Really?

The last thing was the financial support. For years we have had an arrangement that worked out fairly well. We would agree on a house to buy, he would fix them up for rentals, I would handle all the book work,pay the bills, and do the taxes. This allowed me to not have to work outside of the home, although I did sell on ebay to make money for food, gas, clothing for us, etc. Since we separated he has belittle my contribution to the financial aspects of out marriage and now says, if I want to be his partner , it needs to be 50% on everything (he wants me to work along side of him on rentals, still do the paperwork, pay 50% of everything, continue to be the mother, homemaker, and wife like I have been. My point is, I am not seeing much change in his attitude. I was hoping for more recognition for the things I have contributed to that don't bring in the big bucks. I don't get paid for being the primary parent, housekeeper, etc.

Last night he made dinner for me and the kids. He used the deep fryer around 6pm. I took the kids home and went back to go over the questionnaire. I left at 11:30pm. When he came over he was wearing the clothes he had on last night. My concern is, when I hugged him I got a real strong odor of grease. See, the OW works at the local bar (Tuesday's are the nights she closes the bar and I had caught him there w/her alone at the bar well after midnight several times. Last time was the end of November.) Whenever you go into that bar you come out smelling like grease. I had a feeling I should get up and go to the bar last night and see if he was there but didn't. Am I over thinking this? I am regretting not checking last night and if I say anything to him he will know I am still wondering and if he is talking to her he will just make sure he is more careful to not get caught.

I feel so stupid for having to even think this way. It makes me want to just get a divorce and get rid of the reasons I worry so much!

crazygirl, please stop starting new threads! Nobody knows your story that way, and it makes it hard to help you. email the mods and ask them to combine your threads, ok?