Yesterday, H and I saw our MC for the first time in a few months and the first time after last month's episode (I don't have a better term for what happened last month). When MC asked how things were going, H said he thought they were going well and I brought up the list of requirements I had presented H for his return and we went through the ones that had been done and those that were still on the list. MC wrote them all down. I said that I was in "wait and see" mode about whether H would accomplish them or not. H set about working on the rest of the list - arranging attendance at the Jan MB weekend, scheduling IC for himself, working on apologizing to those who have been hurt by his actions. So we shall see.

In the meantime, I am avoiding LBs and working on meeting H's top ENs.

AM

He sounds more reasonable and interested than most of the FWHs around here.

Catperson,

Maybe. H has been a really good talker, gaslighter and lier, but not so good on actually making good on his promises. We shall see if he has it in him to follow through on what he signed up to do. I am watching and waiting.

AM

PS. Goldenyears, Tuesday our MC asked what our overall goal is for our M. H replied that we want to grow old together and die in each other's arms and to be the old couple walking down the street hand in hand - the couple that everyone wants to be. Thank you so much for that vision that your posted on the recovery forum.

Thanks. I'm glad I shared something useful to someone else. Right now in the wake of d-day anniversary, all I can say is that reaching that end is going to be a whole lot harder than I thought it would be when we got married. "Recovery is not for wimps."

I hope you have a good Christmas.

GY

GY,
One year post D-day can really be a rough time. Keeping busy and staying "outside one's own head" seems to keep the triggers at bay for me. Sometimes, I still feel really sad about everything from the past 2+ years.

We had more bad news last weekend. My oldest brother, who lived in Houston, died suddenly at the age of 71. There is a reception Thursday, but neither other brother nor I will be attending. I have mixed feelings about that.

I had forgotten something that came up at our last MC visit. MC asked H what prompted the contact with OW, was there something about the fall timeframe? H responded back with 1) various attacks that occurred in Baghdad in fall 2003 and 2) the A started in late Sep/early Oct. Both of these things as triggers were a surprise to me. H had previously commented on how dates and anniversaries of things did not really trigger him.

On the plus side, H made the arrangements for us to attend the Jan marriagebuilder's weekend. The only contribution I made was to arrange for my brother to come stay with DS15 for a few days. H did the rest. So far, he is doing everything that I had on my list of early Nov. I think refraining from talking about this at home and leaving it to our MC visit was a good thing to do.



AM

Sorry to hear about your brother.

As for H's response...ehhhhh...does MC usually prompt H with her questions? Adding, "was there something about the fall timeframe?" vs just letting him answer about why there was contact...KWIM?

Hmmm. It was a week ago and I can't remember the exact question, but I think it was something open-ended. We had been talking about H's depression in the fall and then his emailing the OW and secretly making plans for another military deployment. I think MC asked if H knew why he was depressed then and that was when H mentioned the attacks in Iraq in 2003 and that the A started in the fall of 2007.

He has told me a couple different things about making contact. Right after he admitted it to me, he said he did it to "see if something was there". A few days later, he spun that into thinking he needed her forgiveness. I called horse hockey on that one and reminded him of what he initally told me. He said he has no recollection of ever telling me that he was looking to re-start the A. BUT, that's what it was. Makes me feel ill.

AM

Wow, I think that this a big plus that he did this himself. ( for some reason I thought that you had gone before, maybe that's GY I'm thinkin' of )
I hope it helps him realize what is required in an MB marriage.
At any rate armymama, you will enjoy the seminar, and the shopping in the big mall, it's way cool!

I'm sorry to hear about your brother too.

Hello, my friend.
I've missed "talking" to you. I hope you're doing well.

GY

Hi GY,

Thanks for checking in on me. We had a very nice, quiet Christmas and New Years. H started an anti-depressant and his mood seems pretty even. Of course, the depression before seemed cyclical so time will tell. From my perspective, the last few weeks have been pretty good. Today, H has IC so I wrote down some of my observations, positive and concerns, for him to take to the appt. Sort of a food for thought note.

We are off to the MB weekend at the end of the month. I am hoping it will be above zero and limited snowfall while we are travelling.

GY, I hope you are well. I think of you often.

AM

Happy New Year AM!

Seems like things are going ok for the time being. I'm glad to hear that. It's great that you are going to the MB weekend. I look forward to hearing about all the good progress that you and WH make.

Have you heard from AW at all? Do you talk to her off board? She disappeared and I was wondering how she is doing.

Mindshare

Thanks Mindshare. Happy New Year to you as well.

I have not seen anything from AW since before the holidays. I don't have any other contact with her off board. I have been thinking about her and wondering how she is doing. I was thinking of bumping her thread to see if she has been reading anything here.

AM

SMB & I are so glad to hear you are going to the MB weekend. You'll likely meet Dr. Harley's wife Joyce, she is sooo sweet.

Hope you'll have time to visit the Mall of America. It is less than a mile away and the hotel has shuttles that take you there every hour. Anyway, what great news.

AM,
It's so good to hear that things are moving along more smoothly for you. I have nothing but absolute admiration for you because you truly are a good wife. You have dealt with some mind-shattering things, and you continue to move ahead with poise and dedication.

H and I are recovering nicely, but we are currently dealing with some other family issues that threaten to cause us a great deal of grief. He is my rock now.

GY

Hi GY,

Thanks for checking in on me. Things are going along ok. I am not sure how smoothly they are and I sure don't feel poised or dignified.

Today was a good day of RC with H. We went skiing after dropping DS15 off at school.

I am sorry you are having some family challenges. Sometimes, it seems as though it is just one thing after another. I hope it resolves soon.

AM

Hi AM, just catching up on your story. Admire the way you handle your life.

No one is perfect...how I learned that. Just brush ourselves off and keep going.

Skiing?? brrrrrrr. Better you than me!

OH, man. The kid was in school and you guys went *skiing*?!
That is just cold. I love it

It's not that cold. Kid is on the high school ski team and goes every day after school.

I go when the snow is good and the temperatures comfortable. I love the views from the top of the mountains. It is not as spectacular as the Alps, but still pretty good.

And, thankfully, OW has never seen snow, let alone race 5 or more miles from the top of a mountain to the valley. Nothing like it.

AM

Hope,

I am sorry this is happening to DD16. Girls can be so, so awful. My high school years were miserable and I never could figure out what I did to tick off the girls in my school. I ended up with a couple of close friends and that was good.

I think you handled this well, just like you are handling things at work. I really admire you. I don't think there is any way I could be in the same room with OW at work. You are amazing.

AM

ok, Hope. I thought this was posting onto your thread. Guess I had too many windows open - new computer with touchy keyboard.

AM,
Just wondering how the MB Weekend went??? Let us know.

GY