Hi all,

My head is now focused on what I need to be doing. Hopefully, the headless chicken is gone!

I fully engaged Plan A yesterday and feel sooo much better already. Before I had a situation that I felt I had no control in. I felt a victim of fate without any course of action other than to A) Suffer. or B) Leave. and to be quite frank I didnt like the sound of either.

Just a recap on where I am. Wife says the EA is over with OM and after refusing to do the 'joint' NC message, sent him one herself that was frankly laughable. It said it was over 'because' I had found a way to read her deleted txts and she had no private life anymore.

Anyway. She is still working with him and has admited he's sent her messages via her work email which I cant get at. Fair enough, I'm assuming its still going on as before. She is resisting leaving work and will see any attempt to persue this as 'pressure'. I'm going to ask her once more to leave and tell her I'm just going to assume they are together as long as shes working there and drop it at that. No threat, no moodiness, just frankly.

Last night I dropped all the questions about 'Had she spoke to him' etc etc. Dropped the sad face and created a fun enviroment with my kids whilst she was out.

It's premature but shes already acting differently. She sent me an email today. I didnt txt or mail her. I didnt reply straight away either. Then I got one from her 30 minutes later asking if I had recieved the first. So I waited another 20 minutes and then made a reply to her first email without any explanation.

I feel strong now. I dont know how long I can maintain this but I set a deadline 6 months from now. That may seem long but its just after our first big family holiday abroad that weve had planned for a while in May.

Maybe its too ambitious?

Also is my love balance for her likely to diminish during plan A? After my own A I have built my own love for her up to a whopping amount which is why this hurts so much.

Thanks

I'm working on Plan A, have been for over a month now. Wife is still talking to OM and now wants to meet him. For some reason, through all of this my love for her has grown. Now I may be the odd ball here, but for the last year I've been suffering from severe depression and maybe its because I'm now being treated for the depression that I'm realizing how much I do love my wife. My love for her grows each day, which makes the situation more painful with each passing day. At times, she makes withdrawls from my love bank, like when she told me that she wants to meet him. But then she'll come back and tell me that she loves me, kisses, holds my hand. I know alot of this is just part of the fog babble, but it still gives me some hope.

I was reading somewhere else, I forget where, but 6 months for a man is about right. That's pretty much the same goal that I've set, though it was a goal I set with my WW a few weeks ago. Give our marriage 6 months and really work on it to see if we can turn it around.

I feel for you Tresmal and I know what your going through. Not 100% glad to hear that you love her more to be honest.

I was kinda hoping that Plan A sets you up for Plan B emotionally. I know one month in this sort of situation feels like a year but maybe its just that you havnt had much time at it?

Then again. Thats easy to say when you've not been in Plan A for more than 24 hrs I guess

It is not too long to do it.

Plan A can be enjoyable (though the affair continues).

It is your way of reclaiming yourself from any staleness the marriage laid at your feet.

You improve yourself and learn to have your ego/taker not act like a dragon to the indignities of dealing with a less than perfect situation in life.

Your love grows in plan A because you are a better person who is more loving in general. That it good.

If you go to plan B......having left the best impression is your strength. It helps you ride the rollercoaster and have less regrets whatever the outcome.

HTH

Plan A is not being a doormat.

Plan A is also about making family activities to create good times and to create conflict.

Does WW go on outing with you and kids or the OM?

If WW ditched the family then she hears about the fun and memories she missed out on.

Do not let disrespect you and contact or talk about OM in front of you.

I'm in Plan A on the assumption that even though my wife says its over with the OM, they are still working together and the EA is continuing.

Am I right in saying that if she leaves her job we are then in recovery?

You can plan A for the next 30 years and it'll be useless if she works with OM. She can just have her two men and enjoy the hell out of it!

Did you expose?

No. Recovery starts when she agrees to PERMANENT NO CONTACT with the OM, and the two of your write the NC letter together.