Hello everyone. I am new to this board and I am glad to have found it.

I am in a VERY touch situtaion and besides turning to God for help, I don't know what to do.

My husband and I are apraoching our 10 year Anniversary this May. On Jan 10 I found out he was cheating on me and i confronted him. For 15 minutes or so, he denied it...even though I told him I already had proof. Once I showed him the proof and pointed out that he told her "I love you" he still said she was just a friend. He eventually admitted to just kissed her but that he did love her. He said they had not had sex. he also said she made him happy. My husband has issues with depression so it was my though that he was just having a bad relapse.

Later that night he asked me if it owuld be ok if he got a hotel for the week just so he oculd think. I didn't want him to go, but I felt like I couldn't tell him no. When he left on Monday he said he owuld come back on Sunday. On Wednesday he told me that he owuld have an answer for me on Friday. On Friday he tells me he cares for me but he isnt sure if he loves me.....he said he wasnt sure if he loed anybody. He said he had been thinking about that all week long. Even though he had told me several times during the week that he loved me. He never really came out and said he want a seperation. he just asked me if he wanted to come back in 6 months would I let him.

He said "it's not like we wont see each other, we just won't be living in the same house."

One of our main problems we have had over the years is communication. He don't like to tell me his feelings and if I "make him" tell me things he would just get mad or say nothing was wrong.

He just rented an apartment and he signed a 6 month lease. It breaks my heart to know I own't see him every day. I miss the way my husband used to be.

I have many questions...

How can I "make" him love me again like he used to?
Do I need to try to convince him to move back in? I feel like he is wasting money on something he doesnt need when we can put it towards counseling.
What can I do to get my husband back?

Read this for now *link*

Then post your questions.

Sorry you are here.

*link* to another betrayed wife's journey

For inspiration* and a look at what a brave wife can do for herself.

How can I "make" him love me again like he used to?

You Plan A to show what an awesome wife you are/can be.
Plan A is a carrot and a stick.


Do I need to try to convince him to move back in?

Ask him to stay. Invite him to stay.
Do not beg/plead/whine/argue.


I feel like he is wasting money on something he doesnt need when we can put it towards counseling.

He's using the $$$ to buy a love shack for himself and OW.
He will not see this as a waste of money, as you do.


What can I do to get my husband back?

Follow Plan A.
Kill the adultery.
Read about it.
You will need to expose his adultery to people who matter.
He won't feel love for you as long as he is seeing OW.

If a known, active wayward wants to move out of the house, you can 100% guarantee this is so that they can spend more time with the other person without the guilt of having you around asking them questions.

He's not moving out to "figure things out". That's a bald-faced lie to throw you off the truth. Waywards lie to conceal their relationship. It's all part of the script they follow. He's moving out so he can have sex with her without your interference. His feelings were mixed because he just came off a high of a couple of days of interference-free sex, yet felt incredibly guilty and needed to talk to you to try to let you down easy by saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

He'll try to blame his change in feelings on ANYTHING but the affair. He'll try to tell you it's your fault, or that you're imagining things (gaslighting). He'll tell you he's felt this way for a very long time but couldn't talk to you about it.

That's all crap they make up when under the influence of "contrast effect": he has this new relationship, having wild sex, abundant attention, and ZERO time spent solving problems with another woman, and compares it now with his sedate home life, dealing with children and conflict, and the contrast makes things at home look much worse than they really were.

Often, on this board, we refer to "aliens" taking over our spouse's bodies. It's helpful to think of a wayward spouse this way. Now you know that he's going to act completely out of character.

Go take a few hours and read what Dr. Harley has to say about infidelity, then come back and we can help you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

((((Jenn))))),

Oh boy....

First off, welcome to MB. Its the club nobody WANTS to join, but stick around and you'll be so glad you did.

Let me tell you, your first post was my EXACT situation 2 years ago. My then WH was knee deep in an A. At the time, I didn't know just HOW deep that affair would be, BUT there was HOPE. That was ALL I had. He had moved out....said it was the "right" thing to do, didn't mean it would be permanent, he didn't "love" me as a husband "should".....all the same things you posted. It looked pretty bleak......

Then I bought "Surviving an Affair", found these forums....and started my Plan A.

Hope is good, but its not a PLAN......Dr. H and MB is big on getting a PLAN.

Today, my H and I are recovering. It was a rough trip through Affairland, BUT today, is more beautiful than I ever thought it could be......(and back then, I thought life would never be good again....).

So, even though he is gone at the moment, YOU can survive this.....((((Jenn))))

Pep is very well known around here and gave some good stuff to start with. I would add that you should go buy "Surviving an Affair" asap and keep on posting.....the help you get on here will be invaluable to you.

I am sorry you are here......

not2fun