That's one Dr. Suess story I am not familiar with. And here I thought I'd read them all. I'll have to track it down.

My H is slowly working his way through HNHN. We've done the EN questionnaire, but we never even went over the entire thing. My H isn't too big on MB, but I think we're still making progress.

The privacy thing was difficult for me at first too, since I'm a very private person. I think it comes from growing up an only child in a single-parent home. I had a lot of time to myself and tend to be an introvert by nature anyway. But I'm working on it.

I think The Zax is the one where the 2 Seussy creatures bump into each other while walking and neither one will move. An entire highway is built around them while they stand nose to nose. In the case of an A, the WS Zax needs to move aside and start walking with the other one!

I love Dr. Seuss.

Luri, that's exactly the one. The eastgoing zax will not step left or right, and the the westgoing zax will not step left or right, so they're stuck there for like 30 years, and they build the highways and city all around them. But both are too stubborn to take a step out of the way. That's us!

Well Writer, how is recovery going?
Whats new?

Things aren't going very well at the moment. We seem to be greatly lacking in the field of communication. We talk, but it doesn't ever seem to go anywhere. We talk a lot about making plans, changing things that aren't working, setting goals. And then... nothing. It never gets beyond the talking. My H and I just don't seem to be on the same page much of the time.

Sigh. I have a headache. I think the stress is starting to get to me.

writer:

You're my only MB buddy. I keep forgetting to check in on the Preggo forum but then I started reading thru your post and it looks like times are tough for you right now. Sorry to hear it.

Um, er, I'll probably get hammered for this but can I get preachy for a sec? Have you and your H thought about going back to church? I saw somewhere that you said it's been about 2.5 years. That's a long time. The Lord loves your family and has prepared many blessing for you guys. Are you ready to receive them?

Secondly, you said that both you and your H want to relocate. Obviously the home sitch makes that tough. Again, I'll probably get hammered, but what about just walking away from it all? Have you looked into bankruptcy? It's now always the right move but sometimes people need a fresh start. For various reasons we just get stuck into a place where we can't move forward. Sounds like you might be there.

I have friends who early on in their marriage made all kinds of financial mistakes. The only way out was bankruptcy. They pretty much lost everything they had (including wedding rings). But what they got out of it was a fresh start. Yeah, they had to rent. Yeah, they had to buy cheap cars. Yeah, it took a while to recover. But ask them today and they will tell you it was worth it. They are strong in the church, the husband is a high-level executive at Raytheon and they have a sprawling home in Texas. Most importantly, their family is strong and thriving.

I'm not advocating bankruptcy, just offering it up as an option because it sounds like maybe your family needs a fresh start.

As for you and your H. Tonight don't talk about money at all. Sit down in front him and get his full attention. Look him in the eyes and tell him how much you love him, how grateful you are for him and how very much you want to be with him forever. Even if you don't feel it, say it and keep saying whatever comes to mind until you do feel it and he feels it back. Money, house, job - all that stuff is crap if your marriage is gone. You two have been through hell together. Don't let the day to day chip away at what counts. It's easy to forget what matters, I certainly know I fell into that trap. Don't fall into it.

Do everything you can together, as one, just as God commanded, and you'll come out of it OK, no matter what happens.

Avoid bankruptcy if possible, thats what Ramsey says.

Writer1's main financial problem is an income deficiency. The answer to that is to increase her income, wile not adding more dept via student loans for degrees that cant be put to good use.

In the meantime, cut the fat as much as possible.

Here, lets do a little crunching, if your comfortable with it.
(One thing at a time)


Do yall have a car payment?
If so, how much a month, how much total, are you upside down, if so how much?

Sorry, I don't have much time.

The church thing is a long story. I will have to address that later.

We have/are considering bankruptcy and/or walking away from the house. It's such a hard decision to make.

No car payment. Two older cars with lots of miles on them. My van needs $5000 worth of repairs and is dying. My boys' school is 6 miles away and I have no family in the area. Relying on friends for transport has been sketchy, since the rides often fall through.

Home mortgage is upside down, but I'm not sure by how much. Maybe $50,000.

$70,000 in student loans, which would not be discharged in bankruptcy court.

About $15,000 in credit card debt.

To make matters worse, my 15 y/o son who has ADD failed all but two of his courses last semester. His counselor is recommending home schooling/independent study to get him caught up, which would make it all but impossible for me to get a job, since I would be legally required to be at home during the day to supervise his studies.

Good


Whats wrong with it?

My wife constantly complains her Explorer is faling apart. It is not, it's just old and she wants somthing newer.

If it really is dying, sell it and buy somthing even cheaper for cash.


If you want out, do a short sell or ask the lender if they will do a "Deed in lieu of forclosure, without penalty", but get it in wrighting.

This is the one that drives me coo,coo. 70k on an education that will probably never use.

Oh well, whats done is done.

Hardship Deferal



Are they current or late?

Why not just let him be heald back? And concentrate on after school tutoring the rest of this and next year?

What does your husband do?

My mechanic told me the van is dying. It needs a new transmission and engine. It leaks large amounts of several different types of fluid. I'm not sure who would buy it, but I doubt I would get enough for it to buy anything else that runs.

We have looked into a short sale. Still considering on that one.

I am using my education. Maybe not in a way that you can understand, but I am using it. My writing would never have gotten to the level it is at now if I hadn't gone to school and learned more about the process. I'm hoping that will pay off eventually.

The credit card payments are fairly current. We've been late a few times.

My son already got held back last year. His ADD is quite severe and he has a lot of issues that will probably prevent him from ever being successful in a traditional educational setting.

My H is in customer service.

Short sale will only work if the bank will forgive the remaining balance.

writer, your situation reminds me of my mother-in-law. Her life seems to move from trial to trial, never ceasing. But she's a strong woman with a positive attitude - she would have been good on the frontier (one of those tough-as-nails, frowning old hags you see in old family pictures, hehe).

Sigh, I wish I could help more. Are you in the Riverside area? I'm up in Santa Clarita, north of L.A. (where Magic Mountain is). I can't remember - did you say you have family close by? If not, where is your nearest family? I live within 5 miles of nearly all of my family and that's been a huge blessing during my whole mess.

My heart says you need a fresh start. How you get that...I don't know.

Thanks ID. A fresh start sounds good. I picture myself living in a little hut on the beach on some tropical island (like Fiji), sipping a lovely cup of herbal tea, eating fresh fruit from a basket, and writing to my heart's content. There would be nice long walks on the beach at sunset and trips to the farmer's market and maybe a horse. I've always wanted a horse.

Or, living in a lovely cabin in the woods, sitting on my porch sipping that warm herbal tea, still writing to my heart's content, long hikes through the woods, a garden, a pet grizzly bear. I really loved "Grizzly Adams" when I was a kid.

Well, I can dream, can't I?

I live south of Riverside in Lake Elsinore. My family is in southern L.A. County, which is about an hour and a half away. My H's family lives out there too.

Indeed it was! We had so much hail yesterday that my deck turned white.

I had a beastly time getting my boys to and from school.

I have a good friend who does bankruptcy in Santa Cruz, if you would like his name.
On the shortsale, let your realtor inquire. I had to go this route and the bank jumped at it vs forcelosure where they lose much more.

Thanks. I'm hoping we don't have to go the bankruptcy route. We have a friend who is a financial advisor who we are supposed to be meeting with soon, so we're putting off making any decisions until we speak with him.

We've stayed in contact with the real estate agent that sold us our house, and she seems very comfortable handling short sales. She says the banks have been far more accepting of them lately, especially in our area, where almost every house is upside down.

Hi Writer,
Ok, this may sound a little nutz, but here are a few things you may or may not have considered before:
1. Possibly doing what the school suggests, and bring your son home to school. You certainly have the education.
2. Use that time to try to foster some interest/passion in subjects and areas where your son can flourish. Know that many ADD kids, once in the proper setting, do quite well.
3. Take up an at-home job for the time being, like medical transcriptionist, etc. Go to your local job corps and see if they can suggest some reputable ones. You should be able to use your computer for that.
4. See if you can involve your son in that at-home job, so he can help supplement the family income.
Just remember, sometimes the best path to your goal may not be immediately in front of you, it could require a few detours because of fallen trees, etc. Think of something like this as a temporary detour.
It could be that your gift of writing, and your $70K education, can be used as the ultimate gift for your son. If you're doing something for him, is it really beneath you? Definitely not!
I hope this helps, even if it's not exactly what you come up with, maybe it gives you other ideas.

Never, ever, ever, trust a mechanic.

I don't care if he is your best friend, or brother.

Year/make/model?

Have you asked the lender about "Deed in lieu of forcloser, without penalty?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deed_in_lieu_of_foreclosure

Hope is good, dreams and aspirations are good. But they are even more rewarding when they lead directly to a career.


I understand.
I was diagnosed with mild ADD when I was in middle school, very mild Dyslexia in high school and Dyscalculia as an adult.

I was told in no uncertain terms when I was in high school that I was to dumb to go to a standard university.

However, not wanting to spend a life doing manual labor or retail work, I took my drawing ability's to heart and went to a vocational school for drafting and design.
I am now a draftsman/designer at a engineering firm.

Don't get to disheartened about your sons scholastic disadvantages, keep him out of trouble and he may surprise you with what/who he becomes.

Standard retail, or corporate?
I ask because I am wondering if he is in line for a promotion in the next few years?

Ima: Thank you for your suggestions. He probably will end up home schooling, for awhile at least. He's opposed to the idea, since he's very social and doesn't want to leave his friends. But I believe he will do much better if we separate his social time from his educational time. I know he's a smart kid. Now, I just have to get him to believe it.

I have looked into and continue to look into work from home opportunities. It's so difficult to discern between the legitimate ones and the not so legitimate ones. Unfortunately, there seem to be far more of the latter. But I am still looking.

Gack: I trust my mechanic. He was recommended by a member of my (former) church. Besides, he's the one that advised me not to do the repairs, since the van isn't worth $5000. If he was trying to pull one over on me, he probably would have urged us to do the work so he could make a serious amount of money off us. The van is a 2000 Dodge Caravan, not the most reliable of cars by a long shot.

Our mortgage isn't in default at this point. We are current on our payments, just really struggling to make them.

My son is very interested in skate boarding and I think he's hinging his hopes that he'll be able to go professional. He doesn't quite realize that almost no one makes a decent living from skate boarding. I'm sure he'll figure out eventually that a backup plan is very necessary. He's at that age where he thinks his parents know absolutely nothing about life and he's got everything figured out for himself.

My H is in corporate. He currently works for a company that manufactures orthodontic equipment. He has looked into transferring to the sales department and recently put in an application for an open position. He's tried for it in the past, but didn't get it, so we'll have to wait and see. There is a lot of stress and uncertainty in sales, but there is an opportunity to make much better money. If he gets it, it would likely mean relocating to wherever there is an open territory within a year. That's actually one of the things I like best about him going into sales, because I really want to get out of where we currently live. Sales would mean lots of traveling and much longer hours than he works now. It would be an adjustment.