Geez, Scotland and you're a Sagitarrius too? I'm assuming by your name you're Scottish; me too. Sorry just noticing the similarities. Thanks again!

Well, I am only 1/2 scottish. The other half is Italian and Serbian so imagine the arguments I can have with myself HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I only used the name Scotland because I am reading a series of books called Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and I just LOVE them. It takes place in Scotland. Then I needed a name on here that could not be found on a google search since my original name is very recognizable. My WH and the universe decided to do things to me on memorable days, I guess it was so I would never forget. POSOW and my best friend have the same name, the day I got the phone call from his work was my best friend's son's birthday, the day I caught WH at POSOW's house was the first day we had earth hour, ILYBNILWY speech on our anniversary and then he stopped telling me that he loved me on my sister's birthday. That is why I went in to Plan B on MY BIRTHDAY, I wanted to take my power back

Hang in there.

I'm hanging in! I'm half Scottish too, the other half Norwegian. I guess we both have a lot of warrior blood in out veins, huh? Wow, you sure have had some awful things happen on your memorable days. Moreso than I. I was served D papers on our Anniversary; a few days later was my 40th Bday, then I found out who OW was on Christmas. I need to get my power back too! Thanks Scotland!

Should I continue to write to WH even though his lawyer won't let him communicate back? Lawyer had said she was going to "take me down" in court, saying that mediation had broken down. WH and I had agreed to a settlement written up by the impartial mediator, but his lawyer didn't like it and threatened WH that she'd take his retainer and not represent him if he didn't let her do it her way. She wrote a new agreement. My WH told me he didn't like it and liked ours better. Right before she submitted her new "agreement" both WH and I emailed the mediator and said that we agreed to our agreement. I wrote back to her saying that it had not broken down at all, told her I had written proff that he didn't want her agreement but that she had coersed him into letting her have her way, I also sent her copies of the emails showing that he agreed to ours proving that mediation hadn't broken down. Oh yeah, when WH and I had agreed on our settlement, the mediator (a retired judge) called WH attorney and got her word that she wouldn't pursue the matter in court. Now she's trying to find a way around that by saying that mediation broke down. This is why she has instructed WH he can't talk to me anymore. Supposedly, she is now writing our new "cash" agreement up. I said I'd sign if it is what WH and I agreed upon; we will see. I think he's getting $$$ for all this from OW. Maybe she got it from her D settlement and is now financing WH's D? I know our finances and WH doesn't have that sort of $$. He also fluctuates between saying he's throwing us onto the street and being very cruel and acting sad and giving DS and I expensive gifts; probably to ease his guilt. It's all so confusing and sickening really.

Okay, well I think I really need help. I'm afraid WH may report me for having the items in this residence. He took part of them, but part are still here. I really wouldn't put it past him what with all the other things he's done. I guess I waited too long for plan B. I still love him, but the hatred is coming so quickly. What do I do?

Yep, pretty darn sure OW is financing our D. WH has come up with very large sums of $$$, and says he will come up with more for the cash settlement. He couldn't afford to divorce me if it wasn't for her financing. I think what happened was that he got home from Iraq and was afraid to go back. When he went to the midwest he didn't want to tell his guy buddies that he was afraid, so he started saying all kinds of lies about me. They got him drunk and stoned (he told me) and he doesn't normally do either; he's an alcoholic. They probably encouraged him to go cheat. He did; typical for him drunk. OW just got out of her marriage and decided to replace her H with mine. She heard his sob story and offered to finance D for him. Because when he finally came home he kept saying over and over that he didn't want to do the D, but he felt he had no choice. I think she had already given him the money and he had made promises to her and had spent a lot of it. To not get the D would prove that all he had said about me were lies. What really kilss me is that he lied to me about it and made me feel like it was my fault. Trying to prove it wasn't is what got me into the circumstance when I was raped. I'm not sure what to do, I'm gettting angrier and angrier and it's mixed with all the pain.

Maybe he was afraid too that if he gave the $$$ back and told her that he was going to stay with me, she'd get mad and tell me he cheated. He may have worried I'd D him anyway and then he'd be screwed without money for a defense. I was very close to leaving him this summer after the email about the girl he worked with. I was over it when he came back, but he may have been worried.

Try not to let your thoughts go to those places. All the conjecturing and guessing in the world won't put you in a better place. Don't wonder why he is doing things and suppose OW is running the show. She runs the show if he is agreeable to letting her.

Do not deal with anything but what is on your plate in front of you at any juncture.

Also, can you take a trip somewhere with your son to get a change of scenery at all? Just a couple days to clear your head and focus on the world out there?

Try to not let anger start to rule you or the show. Anger is bad news. It is outacontrol and does no good.

Thanks Reading, I know the anger is bad, but it's a refreshing change from the crying. Unfortunately, I'm back to crying again. I don't want to hurt him, but feel like I'm in a corner and being attacked while I'm already so injured. I'm afraid if I don't get on the offensive, another attack will soon come. I just can't imagine how someone could do this. Do they just think the kids are all going to be overjoyed? I'm like a second mom to his daughter; it took years for that to happen. My H is the only dad my son ever knew. And the OW has kids. Now my WH is moving in with OW and her kids and will have his daughter and my son visit. Just blending his daughter and my son was difficult. I'm not sire what they are thinking, and I know my son and step daughter are furious, I can't imagine her kids being happy either.

I'm a little confused on how to proceed. I have been feeling so helpless. I couldn't expose since I wasn't 100% sure who the OW was. I have gone between good plan A, and reacting to WH unending cruelty; he actually fluctuates between being sweet to the point where I almost feel; for a split second, this is all a big nightmare, and being very cruel and mean. I now know who the OW is for sure. I don't have physical evidence, but I know for certain.

I want to expose to everyone, but am awaiting my marriage settlement agreement which should be here on Monday. My WH has offered me a cash deal and has told me he is quitting his job and moving to the midwest (guess who lives there?). He will be going to school (living off OW), so if I go to court and am awarded alimony, it isn't something I can depend on.

I have been told by many to protect my finances; although even the cash deal will leave me in a bad place financially. I do feel it will be worse if I get alimony and he quits his job.

Do I wait til I sign the papers to expose? If I expose before, he could withdraw the cash offer.

He's not allowed to speak to me. I'm really trying to focus and do a good plan A before doing plan B. I feel like my inability to find proof until now has been so detremental to my plan A. Also, it was a shotgun divorce; it went from I only love you to...we are getting divorced and I got the papers 3 weeks later. I'm praying and trying my best not to panic and be frantic, but it has been very difficult.

Any advice on plan A and when to expose is much appreciated!

I need help with the exposure letter. Most of the people I'm writing don't know me at all. WH has said multiple false things to justify the affair and divorce; I cheated, I spent all the money, He never loved me or hasn't in years. None of these are true and i have proof. Should I include the proof in the letter? Thos who know me are certain it isn't true, those who don't just beleive whatever WH says.

EAM, I suggest using a "business form" type of letter: Polite, to the point, factual. For example, when I wrote to OMW, I simply wrote, in part:

"The purpose of this letter is to inform you that your husband, ______ is having an affair with my wife, _________. I do not wish to become involved in your marital issues, I simply wish to end this affair and bring my wife back to the marriage."

Rather than show the proof, simply state that you have incontrovertible proof that is sufficient to convince any judge. You do not need to say what this proof is, or how you got it. It's none of their business. If they are going to believe you this should be enough. If they aren't, no amount of proof would convince them, anyway.

Thanks Fred! I have already spoken to OW very recent XH; he is beside himself, has never been with another woman ever, married for 19 yrs, doesn't feel there is anything he can do, doesn't want ot be with someone he can't trust. I wonder if I should refer him here, he's in so much pain and I can tell he still loves her; he just feels helpless (we all know that feeling, right?). He says she tells him about my H all the time, but he can't bear hearing it and cuts her off.

The people I am exposing to are WH and OW's lifelong friends. How would they believe me over WH w/o some kind of proof?

EAM, tell OWH to come here and start his own thread.

I'll try. I think he's giving up.

He's done and doesn't want to try.

As they say in A.A.: You can carry the message, but you can't carry the mess.

You gave it a try. You can't do any more than that.

Yea, I know. He's concerned that if XW finds out we are talking it will make their relationship worse; he feels it important to have a good relationship for the kids.

You know, on the surface that's a pretty funny statement: "it will make their relationship worse." They're divorced. They didn't get that way because they had the best of relationships.

But it's not you part to get embroiled in someone else's dysfunctional relationship. I continue to scratch my head at who allies themselves with the betrayed spouse and who doesn't.

Yea, that's kind of how I felt. Geez, I'm going through a D and have been raped and even I am not giving up the fight; I still have some left. I saw a friend of ours try to throw in the towel. I begged him not to give up because I'd hate for anyone to feel the pain I'm going through; he hesitantly agreed and with a lot of struggle saved his marriage.

I'm pretty upset right now...DS (10) just told me that last time he went out with WH, WH called me an "evil skank". I'm really trying hard to blow it off, but it really makes me angry..

Anyway, I wrote an exposure letter, maybe it's too long, but I used your template to write it. What do you think??

I�m writing to inform you that my WH is having an affair with OW, which has resulted in divorce proceedings. I waited faithfully for my husband to return from Iraq for nearly a year; we both professed our love for each other many times a day; every day, even the day before he returned he told me how excited he was to see me, and how much he loved and missed me. He was home for a few days then went to Illinois for a friends� wedding (it was very hard to see him go after waiting so long for him) and never came back. I received a voicemail from WH letting me know we were getting divorced and received the divorce papers less than a month later on our Anniversary. Both myself and our children are devastated beyond belief. WH has told many people lies about me in order to justify his infidelity; and I have incontrovertible proof to the contrary. I�m not a perfect wife, nor do I think anyone is, but I have always tried to be the best wife, I�ve loved him, and always been faithful and kind. He is my best friend, my true love, and all my heart. I love both he and our family with all my heart and soul and want our marriage to work. This affair is the reason for the divorce, and is destroying our marriage and family. I hope that if you have any influence over my husband or OW, you would stand against this affair and stand for the institution of marriage and for fidelity. God bless, BS