So, Johnstwin, you didn't do a plan B?

LIL, Yea, I'll take the money. I think she's an idiot to give it to him. He's quitting his good govt jobn and is going to sponge off of her; I wonder how long she'll like that? He's already used a lot of the money she has already given him to buy me and DS and probably DD what I think are "guilt" gifts. A new laptop for me, new cell phones (really nice ones too), a bunch of cash for Christmas gifts for DS. He'll do stuff like that and act all caring, and then switch back to evil man; I mean really evil and cruel to both me and DS. I wonder if OW knows he's buying us stuff w/ money she gave him? I think she is very high maintenance and was spoiled and pampered by her H, so it will be interesting to see what happens when the money runs out and WH quits his job. Reality check?

Strange as this may sound, I got no venom because I have never been married or anything. I have, however, borne witness to many threads where the BS was screamed at, threatened, etc.

Lil is right--the waywards will all say "that's it, I'm done with you, I was going to give it a chance but not now!" or "I will never be able to trust you again!" (How comical!)

It will be very unpleasant.

Do you have contact with the OW?

Oh, I have a deliciously evil idea. Put up pictures on your FB page if you have one, or something like that, of you and the "phone your H bought that OW paid for!"

I'm not well-liked around here for this reason...I am *very* vengeful.

I'm good at vengance, I just don't share it on MB

*insert evil cackle*

Confession in box

OOOOO! Right up my alley Karma! Great mind think alike, eh? I'll do it, although I'm not sure she even looks at my FB. I bet she will once i expose though

LOL Lil! He he he he! I'm really not typically vengeful, but these are extrodinary circumstances. I'm so excited about exposure. I wish I could do it right now, but have to wait for the cash deal to be signed first.

Okay Karma, I wrote in my comment section, "My sweetest husband bought me the coolest new phone! I love it! Thanks so much muffin!". I gotta find my cam and put a pic up next, lol! Maybe I should thank him for the new laptop too! Or should I thank her? JK!

"Thanks so much OW!" (That'll really rile her up!)

That's the only change I suggest...

As in, making it so you are thanking OW instead of H. :P

Did it! LOL!

Thanks Karma, great one!

Hi EAM-

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you-been busy at work (I teach high school and it's the end of the first semester).

I never did go to Plan B because I didn't know that my FXH was actively involved in a PA at the time. My story is a bit different than most with this whole A experience. My FXH's EA seemed very one-sided initially (the STBOW exposed it). He left me about 3 months after it was exposed. 5 weeks after he left, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had surgery and started chemo. During that time, my OS started college; my YS started high school and my DD got M (she had a civil wedding first, due to my surgery, and a church ceremony about 3 months later).

I did file for separation because I had no idea what my FXH was doing-what choices he was making personally or financially-so I had to protect myself and my kids. In my state, a separation can stay in place for a very long time.

He was the one who initiated the D. He seemed very "different" at our D's wedding (6 months after the initial d-day) and I had a sense that there was "someone" else in his life. I finished chemo and our D was final about 4 days later. It was a month after that when I found out through an "innocent" comment that he made that he and the object of his EA were in a PA together.

They reconnected about the time that my DD got M and then they pursued their PA. I exposed it as soon as I learned about it. (The OW's mom and I were friends-the OW was livingn in another state at that time.) Her family's pressure on her actually killed the A.

So, that was the reason I didn't Plan B. I didn't know and I was somewhat distracted by all that we were going through.

It took a year after the D before I could forgive them both.

It took another year before God was able to work on both our hearts and bring us back together.

During all of it, I kept this verse close to me as I learned what it truly meant.

"I know that plans I have for you" declares the Lord God. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer. 29:11. (It's tattooed on my back actually). I learned to trust in God's sovereignty and trust that He did have a plan. My only part in it was to trust that promise and realize that He never said that He would share that plan with me. He wanted my faith to grow.

BTW, my chemo ended one year to the day of D-day. I see it as God turning it into something good (Rom. 8:28).

I hope this helps.

If you want to email me, just let one of the mods know, and they will send me your email. I'd be happy to support you here and through the internet.

Johnstwin, your story is so inspirational, I can't imagine having to go through breast cancer too. I am in awe at your strength! I'm truly amamzed to the point I'm really not sure what to say.

The verses are very insprational. I have really fluctuated in my faith through all this, but know that there must be some purpose and that I really need to trust in God.

Did all this make your marriage stronger? Better?

I'm partly happy and partly sad. Part of me feels hopeless and wants to just give up. The other part of me has so much love for him; the real him, he's not that person now.

I really pray that maybe somehow this whole thing will work out and we can build a better and stronger marriage. It hasn't been perfect; we have both made mistakes.

It hurts that he's giving up everything to move across country to be with her. I waited so long for him to come home. He says if I really love him, that I'll want him to be happy. I feel like that is like someone driving a stake through your heart and then asking you to be thankful for it.

Thank you for all your support and inspiration. I now know that miracles can happen.

EAM, that's just fogbabble. "You want me to be happy don't you? So stop being offended and be happy!"

Thanks Karma! Yep, I thought it really pretty ridiculous myself.

Johnstwin, How do I contact the moderators so they can send you my email?

Yeah and Flick said to me he wanted us to stay friends. My thoughts on that was having the love of your life say they just want to be friends is like having your dog die and your mum say you can still play with it.

It some stage I remember telling him I would be his wife or nothing, don't really recommend that one

Flick moved out of town... he went to care for his dad who was dying. PQ moved to another part of the country. Ironically that helped their relationship to last longer as they could continue with the EA/fantasy aspect, without the inconveniences of the reality of each other interfering. Flick said once that he liked her better when he wasn�t around her, but the fog didn�t let him see how odd that was. I think they only had physical contact about every 2 weeks when he would drive up to see her... after visiting the girls and I. I always felt better about that, like she was getting leftovers.

The scripture that helped me most during the A was
The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16.
I used to say to God that I wasn�t sure exactly how effective or righteous I was but I could do fervent

Hi EAM-

Just click on one of the Moderators at the bottom of the page and their email will come up. You can email them and ask them to send me your email. It's pretty easy.

Hang in there!

I love the scripture!

Isn't that the truth about being friends. I could never be just friends with my husband. Ironic, I guess because he was always my best friend.

Yeah, ultimatums are probably not the best, but I remember not long before H left he told me it would be me or no one ever again. Unfortunately I believed him, knew I had to totally open my heart to him and did; only to get it crushed.

I think that's the deal with my WH and her. They don't see each other much, so it's all fantasy and roses. Yea, wait til I expose it all to her family, coworkers and friends. I think the fiends have already heard the lies and believe them, but the others I think may be waaaay more influential.

Exposure is hard at first, but it does seem to get better. I never did figure out if the repetition makes it flow better or you just become inured to it.

I wrote to PQ's family. My workplace exposure was...umm.. Unsubtle. The rest was more or less word of mouth, excepting his mother who happened to phone me the day after d-day.

LIL, Yea, WH mom has known all the time and has supproted me, but WH knew she would and so he avoids all family.

Thier friends are all people they went to high school with and most don't know me and will likely believe whatever horse-dung is hurled thier way.

The family of hers and coworkers are another story. I believe OW works at a college outreach, her XH I believe is a PhD. in research at the same college, so likely her coworkers and family know what she has just done to her own family and I doubt she'll come out quite as rosy with those folks. Most look older, are married and many are religious.

I think the word of mouth thing will work very well as it is a fairly small town.

It's fummy though because my WH has told so many people these lies that he has begun telling them to me; I think he is starting to believe them himself. I told him I didn't appreciate him telling his friends that I cheated, that he never loved me, that I spent all the money. He then accused me of hacking his FB page. I didn't, I just assumed what he was telling them by what he said to me. I can't believe he is actually believing his own lies.

JOHNSTWIN, I sent you my email through Fireproof.