indarkness,

I just hit quote on your post to see what the 'bad' words you used where. Yup they're in the bible and I am not at all suprised they got censored LOL

Okay, well I got another msg from a coworker of hers saying she didn't know who I was and asked if it was a joke. I told her no, but that I wished it were. I guess that's more positive than the last, right? I still haven't exposed to thier closest friends or the ones who look like party animals. I think they will report me. What to do?

Indarkness, I initally called the best lawyer in my county asking if I could petition the court for legal fees from WH. He said the courts rarely do that nowdays in Cali, and that even if they did no lawyer would take it without a retainer. My WH lawyer has only been practicing for two years and her retainer is 4G. I believe my WH got the $$$ from OW.

EAM: Party animals are idiots and probably pushed him in this direction in the first place. Not sure what use exposure is to them. Full exposure is:

Family
Close Friends (that can influence WS)
OWS (is she married?, if not ignore this)
Your kids
Coworkers (again, that can have an influence)

Beyond this, exposure probably won't hurt or help your cause. Exposure is meant to blow up the affair and make continuation of it more difficult for your WH.

Sometimes exposure works, sometimes it doesn't. In my case, every one and their mother knows but my WW is still continuing the A (and moving out and planning on getting married).

To be honest, it sounds like your WH is moving forward, as my WW is. Have you prepared for a Plan B?

Oh yeah and I got one other response saying to leave her out of my business and that she didn't want to get involved.

Ah! You're in California. So you've got until May 21st, minimum, right? Can you use a credit card for the retainer? Where are you in California because I have the name of a shark lawyer nearby that, thankfully, it doesn't appear I will need to use.

Indarkness, I have exposed to family, coworkers, kids,but only part of the close friends. I think these are the ones who encouraged the A. I am considering exposing to thier wives though; although it may do no good.

Yes, I think my WH is moving forward. I am usually a very kind person; geez I can't even kill a fly, I catch and release outside, but am feeling very vengeful at the moment. I know that's bad and I will just let Karma take over, but I really so upset right now.

Also in the MSA, WH asked that the waiting period be waived; probably so they can marry.. That will really destroy me.

I have no money for a plan B, but then again, I have no money anyway. He took all we had and I think he's trying to starve us our so that I'll accept his lame offer.

Nope, he shut off all credit cards.

Oh, I'm in Plumas county and there is no legal aid here either. The neighboring county we used to live in has it, but not here. I really believe he planned it this way. He lives in the county with the leagl aid, but filed in this one. I'm very remote; not even cell service here.

EAM,

this is my FB exposure letter I sent, not sure if it'll help at all

I would curse, but then it would be censored

I don't think you can legally waive the waiting period, so ignore that. Even so, its only three months away. I mean seriously, he's already living there so who cares anyways.

Him taking all your money is just plain wrong. I'm putting up with a lot of stuff from my WW and I *still* front her money to take care of the kids AND herself, all the time. What a jerk...

What's the retainer you need for your lawyer? Can you get it from your family? You absolutely need an attorney and soon. Your WH doesn't sound like he is going to help you in any way at all.

Just looked up Plumas Co. on a map...smack in the Sierras. Man, I bet it's beautiful there! But yeah, you're in the sticks. I'm in SoCal, north of L.A., warmer here, I imagine, then where you are.

Well, I have very little faimly. My dad died last year. And my aunt. No siblings, except a half brother who took my inheritance. My mom doesn't have the money. I've been down every avenue and swallowed all my pride asking for help. There's just no way. My H isolated me from everone prior to this.

Yes it is beautiful here. Our home is a few minutes from a lake, on top of a hill with a beautiful view, the stars at night are amazing; I love it. I used to live in OC, on Balboa peninsula, that was nice too. You must be near to Magic Mountain, right? Canyon Country?

Canyon Country! No way! I'm a Valencia snob And don't get me talkin' about OC. That's where OM is from and where WW wants to move to...

LOL!!! But I do miss MM, the coasters are fun!!! Sorry about the OC comment, that was long ago. I did love Newport beach though.

OK, let's break things down for a second:

- Custody: Has he agreed to full custody? Does he have any interest at all in seeing the kids?

- Finances/Property: California is a community property state, so e split is 50/50, property, finances AND debt. This is what a judge will award by default, unless you give away some of your rights. Are you OK with a 50/50 split of everything?

- Child support: If you get full custody, he'll be paying through the nose and he will be REQUIRED to do so, again, by default. Child support guidelines are very "by the book" in Cali. Use this site: http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/California/ to figure out what you are due. THis is approx. what you will get for the kids.

- Alimony: Like child support, this is also very rigid and there is not much wiggle room. There may be a similar calculator out thee.

So, here are my thoughts, based upon my very recent divorce experience:

Divorce in California has some pretty clear guidelines which ALL judges have to go by. Child support and Alimony are prime examples. They are going to take his salary, look at the number of kids, factory in custody time and spew out a number. Take what you get. Don't argue. You aren't going to get screwed here, particularly if you get full custody.

The judge is also going to do a 50/50 property split. Again, if you can live with this, take it.

Now, the one issue is child custody. The judges are going to make this decision based upon what's best for the children. If he is already planning to move out of state then you will probably get full custody and he will get periodic visitation (if he chooses).

My advice is to not agree to anything your WH throws at you but to let it go to court and let the judge work it out. You are the woman and the mom in this situation which means you have the power. And your WH and his attorney know this, so don't let them bully you around.

Finally, many lawyers will do free consultations. Find one and ask if this is good advice, given that you can't hire a lawyer.

I'll keep checking in.

Hmmm Indarkness, The problem here is that my DD is my stepdaughter and my son is not his natural son; although he's the only father he has ever known. Adoption was planned for my DS.

Af far as the alimony...my WH says that his lawyer told him that no judge will give me alimony. Also I took out student loans to supplement income and apparently those won't be counted either. So, I'll get to be a single mom with no job, with my student loans and half our debt. Yippee.

The alimony thing is a crock, trust me. I'm in mediation and my WW had to voluntarily give it up, otherwise it was going to be required.

So your DD is WH's daughter? That does complicate things a bit. How long have you been the stepmom? Where is the real mom? If he is not going to be around, you might get rights, but I don't know.

And DS is yours by adoption (or soon to be)? Forgive me, I'm not trying to intrude, just trying to understand the situation.

About the loans, I don't know whether he is on the hook for those or not but that can be dealt with. In fact, if you can argue that the loans were necessary for living expenses because WH cut you off, you might get something from the judge.

And, presumably you are going to school so that you can get a job, correct?

I know it sucks. I know it's not the way things are supposed to be. I have to pay $3K/mo for the foreseeable future to support my WW and the OM. It makes me livid. But I will survive. I won't starve. And I will have my kids around.

Judges are fair. They are not going to screw you, particularly given your situation. Again, don't let your WH bully you.

And you believe him?

EAM, you really need a lawyer to protect your rights. Do you have AER (Army Emergency Relief) or its equivalent? It's been a long time since we were military, but there was ARC or ACT or something like that where families could get small emergency loans.

Also, since you are still married (?), have you exposed to H's commander? If he or she is doing their job right, that is the place where you will have the greatest impact.

OMG! I'm in tears. This is the last msg I got... I have to edit the bad words.



B***h get a f***ing life you've been divorced for awhile move on I don't need to hear about your f***ing sad life. I don't blame WH for leaving your dumb C**t [censored].