|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
Not just men. My crazy OW actually used this as one of her rationalizations/excuses.
I'm a total amateur at this, but I think MLC is a cultural construct that's used as a cheap crutch by (or to describe) folks who are failing to deal with a gap between what they've got -- be it career success, money, love of family, satisfaction of emotional needs in a relationship -- vs. that to which they come to feel they're entitled (on account of having "worked so hard /so long" at [job/relationship. etc,]).
I think "entitlement" is the key concept. Peel off all the other "reasons", and I got into an affair because I started feeling entitled to more than I had. In plainer words, I got selfish.
IMHO, "entitlement crisis" would be a more accurate & useful term than MLC. Whether it happens in mid-life all depends, but we all know mid-lifers who don't go off the deep end the way I did; and we can see from these forum boards that there are plenty of people in their late 20s & early 30s who've undergone "entitlement crisis."
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
When does this so-called MLC start? I'm 58 and I'd like to be prepared... LOL You missed it Fred. Or is the A fallout, the BS's MLC?  Truthfully, along with everything else on The Leopard's plate, I do think she was getting very concerned with the onset of menopause, her fading good looks, and "lack of desirability." In a quieter moment following D-day, she looked plaintively at me and asked, "Don't you find me attractive?" Obviously, the younger OM was feeding this EN of hers better than I could. I mean, how can I compete when it's age-based?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
You can't compete with that. The reality is we all age and don't look like we are 20 when we are 50. Concern is one thing. I think all people want to be attractive and youthful but it is what it is. You can look at growing older with the glass half full attitude or the glass half empty attitude. I think waywards tend to look at the latter. Therefore, the crisis to fill the glass. Too bad the glass is broken in that process.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Not just men. My crazy OW actually used this as one of her rationalizations/excuses.
I'm a total amateur at this, but I think MLC is a cultural construct that's used as a cheap crutch by (or to describe) folks who are failing to deal with a gap between what they've got -- be it career success, money, love of family, satisfaction of emotional needs in a relationship -- vs. that to which they come to feel they're entitled (on account of having "worked so hard /so long" at [job/relationship. etc,]).
I think "entitlement" is the key concept. Peel off all the other "reasons", and I got into an affair because I started feeling entitled to more than I had. In plainer words, I got selfish.
IMHO, "entitlement crisis" would be a more accurate & useful term than MLC. Whether it happens in mid-life all depends, but we all know mid-lifers who don't go off the deep end the way I did; and we can see from these forum boards that there are plenty of people in their late 20s & early 30s who've undergone "entitlement crisis." exactamundo! You are not an "amatuer" in the common sense department and that is all that counts. MLC is a nonsense term like "soul mate." We have people here in their 20's, 30's, 50's and 60's who are acting bad but for some reason when a 40 yr old does it, we come up with cute and trendy labels. The label doesn't solve the problem, though.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I think MLC is just an excuse that has been used by men who were having affairs for years. When does this so-called MLC start? I'm 58 and I'd like to be prepared...  Mebbe the MLC truck missed us, Fred, because I am 52! Oh wait, I did buy a convertible sports car last year, IT MUST BE A CRISIS!!! OMG!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
Oh wait, I did buy a convertible sports car last year, IT MUST BE A CRISIS!!! OMG!! Oh yeah, well I married a lunatic nine years younger than me. IT MUST BE A MID-LIFE CRISIS!!!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
583
guests, and
94
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,042
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
