My Missy

This is the place to vent, whine, be happy or be sad. Wherever the roller coaster is at.

There a lot of good people here for you that have been right where you are.

Taking an intrest in your sitch since my DD16's name is the same. Thats my nickname 4 her.

Hang in there.

Nesre

I still cannot believe this is happening!

I have read SAA, HNHN, & LB (I did a crash course in the last 3 weeks) - we have come straight out of the book as have many of the stories I have read here.

And I still am having a hard time believing this is happening!!

I picked up the SAA book which led me here. When I was browsing it in the book store, I was awestruck at how closely it resembled my current situation! Just change the names of the characters and me and my wife (and her OM) were being described. It's what caused me to buy the book.

During my time here, I continue to be amazed at how predictable most affairs are! I guess it's the abnormal (like the "lokil" intrusion here recently) that alarms everyone and draws attention (unfortunately, AWAY from those who really need it!).

And even three months into it, I still have moments of disbelief.

It's awful. I've been through a lot in my life and can truly say this has been the worst emotional storm I have ever had to weather.

Hang in their, Missy. We can do it together. We can't do it alone!

Thank you all for letting me know I am not insane!!

[quote=wannamoveforward] [quote].Dont worry about what he is feeling right now he is in turmoil, and depending on when you take his temperature it will be a different reading. Try not to read into his moods and actions and use that as a gauge of the status of your current M. This is a roller coaster ride and what ever he shares with you will change depending on where in the ride you or he is.
Breathe....
Your M is on this rollercoaster,
you cant get off just yet,
you cant make it stop just yet.
Let it run its course
there is no easy fix
dont waste you limited energy looking for one.



Thank you so much for this - this has definitely been a powerful piece of information, for me at least.

This evening, at the suggestion of WS mother - we gave each other some space from the tension in the house. I went and did the Sam's Club shopping (yes, I have an exciting life) and he did the grocery shopping after dinner with his parents and grandparents.

I did not know what I was going to do this evening and talked about going to my mother's for a while, but not really saying.

After finding out that OW and her spouse had separated I thought it best to come straight home and find out if he would be home.

Much to my surprise, he did grocery shopping and has come home - however he seems pissed to find me here and will barely look at me let alone speak to me.

I thought he was trying to hide the receipt from me, but I was able to look at it and found that he had not purchased another pre-paid cell phone.

I continue to remain calm and merely give space, but I feel like I am constantly "walking on eggshells".

I have left a letter for him in his room, providing him with some of the things that I have felt for the past few years (just honest feelings), what my understanding of infidelity is, that if we could communicate would be better, and that there is always a path leading home - it contains no selfish demands or does not try to lecture.

I am hoping that will trigger a response to look at what is really important.

Any help for tonight's sh*tstorm would be appreciated.....

Exactly 4 weeks ago i thought my life was good, M was intact, I thought this would be a great year for us.

Now I am sitting in a different room, on a different floor of the house.

He was in such a bad mood, that I said to him "I don't know what is going on tonight, but you have been in a bad mood since yesterday. I just want to let you know that I am not ignoring you, but I will be in the family room. You seem to need some space right now."

I think he thought about leaving and going to his parents. He said I don't want to make you a prisoner in the basement. I told him it was fine, that I could watch TV in the family room, no problem. He then stated that he read my letter and was not ignoring it. But that was all he said.

I feel like I might actually be dying of a broken heart. When I started down this path, I had no idea how hard this was going to be. I truly thought he loved me enough to stop this and put our marriage back together.

mymissy,


The chances are he will...in time.

God Bless,

JL

So now here we sit in different rooms, he is barely speaking to me, he can hardly look me in the eye.

Can he really ever come back?

What if......

I try not to go there - but it is very hard

My Missy

Hope this helps

MB's Success Stories

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2314206&page=1

EDIT-If you have the time read PricessMeggys story-Its extremely long and the ending is almost like it should be in a movie

Your in my prayers

Nesre

Today seems fragile, he did not sleep well - I believe it may partly have to do with the letter I left for him revealing some of my innermost feelings and my attempt to open up to him and the fact that OW is separated (but I don't know that either one of us knows if the other is aware of that fact). Again the letter contains no lecture or selfish demands.

His sunday morning ritual has always been to walk dogs, wash a vehicle, then make brunch. I keep expecting him to come in from the garage and ask for a D or simply pack a bag and say he is leaving. I continue to remain calm when in his sight, and provide him with space. When I asked if he was OK he said "no I am not". I am trying not to push.

So then I am expecting the shoe to drop and he asks if I want to go to a matinee today, that he could do with something to take his mind off everything???????

I am not sure I can get more confused......
But I will go to the movie with him and just try to spend time.

Any insights or thoughts???

Plan A
Plan A
Plan A

MYMISSY

How'd the movie go.

Did you try some of Peps suggestions???

Shes one of the best this board has to offer.

Just curious

Nesre

It started out at home I attempted to give him a hug to thank him for the reduced tension, he allowed me to hug him but did not hug back - that hurt. During the movie, I would lightly touch his arm and whisper to him, that seemed to go well, (if I would have tried to feed him candy he probably would have thought I was high). On the way home I held his hand again and thanked him for a nice evening, this time he attempted to hold my hand for a second longer, I let go first. The rest of the evening at home went the same way.

However, he usually sends me an email in the morning when he gets to work, I did not get one yet this morning. So, I emailed him - telling him I hope you slept well, thanks again for yesterday, have a good day, etc.
His response back to me was short, with no mention of yesterday, and when he uses (lol) in his emails or texts usually means that he has been in contact with OW. So I am assuming when he got to work there were emails from her.

So Plan A continues.........

I am sorry it hurts so much. (((((mymissy)))))

I can relate completely to the broken heart pain. In that darkness I could not imagine how it was possible to live with all of this pain.

That�s where I keep re-iterating to you about personal recovery. There are 2 things that have to be achieved, personal recovery and marital recovery. I know you don�t want to hear this but here goes.

Marital recovery is second priority.

First and foremost you have you make sure that you feel whole and stable enough to make choices that are GOOD for you.

TAKE SOME TIME OUT FOR PERSONAL RECOVERY. IT WIL GIVE YOU THE RENEWED STRENGHT YOU NEED FOR MARITIAL RECOVERY.

One cannot happen without the other. They don�t have to happen simultaneously but you have to be working at both.

Don�t worry about what happens to OW�s M. It has no bearing on yours.
What happens in her life short time will not impact your life in the long run. She may be present in your life for now but that will end.

KEEP at plan A!!! That is the only lifeline for your chances at Recovery right now.

As far as your thoughts that your H is not participating in his recovery because he must not love you enough. BANISH THOSE THOUGHTS.
Its not true he is not participating because he just cant. Its like he is sick with the FLU and you are expecting him to run the marathon anyway. He just can�t do it. He is in selfish mode and is INCABABLE of doing what�s needed. There will come a day ( in the distant future) when the tide will turn and he will THANK YOU for sticking with him thru his darkest hour and not giving up on him. I am not saying that its OK that he is not participating, the unfortunate truth is he just cant right now. So you will have to pull this sled a little while longer alone.

Write all the bleeding heart poetry you want here. It will help heal someone else�s pain.
Believe me you sharing your pain here is helping someone else who is lurking and reading this very moment feeling as broken and "in limbo" as you.

I am sorry this is hard, but my sister there is no easy way out. If there all the FBW's who are posting here would give it you.
Keep implementing the advice you are getting here and soak in all the support you are getting. There was someone else giving it to me in my darkest hour and I am happy to pass it on to you.

Reminder 100% giver 0% taker thats the mode you have to be in.
Send the email expect no response.

If he typed LOL it probably means he typed LOL.
If it helps you any assume they have constant contact daily. Thats why you are in Plan A . The goal of Plan A is to help end the A. Also remember plan A is short term. You wont be doing this endlessly, focuing on that helps make it easier to do it Now.
If plan A is not sucessful at ending contact and hence the A then there is plan B.....
Keep at 100% effort in Plan A you will see the rewards.

HELP!!!!

I have just found out that the contact has never ended, she has his new phone number.
He told me that he still cares about me but doesn't feel the same for me as he does her.
I asked him to pack a bag and leave.
I have also found out that he has already spoken to an attorney and a real estate agent although has not done anything formal.

NOW WHAT.......