I would agree with everything you say Vittoria and then some. You are one WISE woman. Thank you.

What I'm learning is it's my life and as long as I don't feel like I am sacrificing and most of my needs are being met, then I'm good to go until G-d directs me otherwise.

Darn Mark, you beat me to it.

Shabbat Shalom...

Go Colts, Go Saints

Happy Friday everyone...

Happy Friday, Gorgeous.

Hey gorgeous,

I am back from my adventures and looking forward to catching up with you.

HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAHLING....

I looked at all the pictures you posted. They are so awesome, I'm so happy for you.

I can't wait to read all about it.

Talk to you soon.

PS... I really MISSED you.

Hi Queenie!! (JT waving from a surprisingly clear northern valley)

Been thinking of you-btw I totally agree with you about Lil's pics and missing her.

(Hi Lil! Looks like you all had a great time- love ya')

Hi JT and Queenie, I miss you guys too. In fact I missed MB alot. I did try to come on with my cell phone a couple of times but couldnt get it to work and was out of cover alot anyway.

love you both
xx

Hi JT and Lil,

Well it's championship Sunday. I'm pulling for the Saints and Colts. Rassandra I hear ya yelling, and for those who don't know James is getting to take his son to the game. Woo hoo, good times for those both.

I can't believe it, but I caught a cold and it's kicking my tuckus. I got a nasty virus a few weeks ago that wasn't obviously the flu or obviously a cold. I just felt AWFUL. THIS is a cold and it's deep down in my chest.

Ya think standing outside Friday evening waving signs to ask voters to support our school levies wasn't my smartest action lately? Naw, I'm sure I did something really stupid lately. Oh yeah.. Just last night I caught myself in a LB without realizing it until I posted.

I have this awful habit of not putting my car keys in one place when I get home. If I remembered where I put them it would be no big deal, but I don't. We POJA'd where the keys would go and for a long time I put them there. Lately I have gone back to the old habit of just dropping them whereever.

H last night made a comment and used the words old habit. I called him mean in a loving way and we went to sleep. But there was my G-d loving me as he does and all of a suddent this thought came to me that H had the right to talk to me about it because we agreed on this. I brought it up this morning and apologized to him. It felt good to honor what he did by talking to me because he still holds so much in.

Hi Queenie, stopping by in recovery to see if you are!

I feel your struggle but if you are start to feel you are sacrificing you will feel as a victim.

Understand the love you have to keep the family together. There is a void when your family is imploded by infidelity. We feel it every day.

Keep your grace, your strength and your faith. Always will guide you.

Now on to your weight. You can do it. Plain and simple. I struggled with my weight all of my life. When I found out about the A I dropped 18 pounds - -quick. Easiest diet I was on. But then I took the bull by the horns and looked hard at myself and did not like what I saw inside and out. Lost an additional 29 pounds and I still have about 40 more to go.

Focus on your M but focus on yourself first. Baby steps. Liked a few pages back about all the small ideas you can incorporate to lose weight.

My XH was always the more "pretty one" and in better shape. I was the fat frumpy girl. I take time for myself -- everyday even when I want to crawl back under the covers.

My goal has and still is to work on myself. I know that XH sees some of the changes but one day I just want to Wow him and PP. My ultimate goal is to "WOW" him back into a M based on MB principles.

Are you really working on yourself? Ask yourself the hard questions. This stuff is hard work. It is not for sissies.

Not trying to bring you down but to bring you to the best you want to be. Love you girl!

Hey Queenie,

I used to be a big key looser too and it drove me nuts. What I ended up doing is buying a big wooden bowl which sits on a table by the front door. I walk in, and drop the keys there after pulling them out fo the lock. When I tidy up, any keys I find go into the bowl.
We now have a big bowl of keys... alot of which we have no idea what they unlock
Still, I can find my keys every time. Well after a bit of fossicking thru said bowl. I think they like to migrate to the bottom.

As far as weight.. food is a huge problem for me because I love it. I also like to fit my clothes. So my chioce is either move more or eat less. I dont like eating less so I have to move more.

I watched a programmme once about babies and todlers and how come they are very rarely over weight. They fast forwarded a clip of a baby taken over an hour and man! That little guy really gave himself a work out, he just never stopped. So I try to make what movement I do make a bit more... yanno? I walk faster around the house, swing the washing basket, pace on the spot when I am doing dishes, rotate my ankles when on the phone, heck I imagine even doing kegals uses up some energy

I do have to do a real exercise programme as well, especially when I am not milking regulary, but I feel every little helps

Hi Queenie!

I know that this was 2 weeks ago .....


I hope this has passed. I have no experience with alcoholism but I trust what you say about 'a dangerous place to be'.
So, just makin' sure that you are doing well.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie!

Shabbat Shalom Mark,

Happy Weekend Everyone.

Vittoria, thank you so much for checking up on me. Actually I am still struggling internally about ME. You know, I have almost 23 years sobriety. And I KNOW that it's one day at a time, but I think in a way I took that for granted recently or something..

Anyways around the beginning of the year my AA sponsor called me on my isolating etc and noticed that I do it every year around this time. We came to how separated I feel because I simply dont celebrate Christmas and don't believe in Jesus as the son of G-d. I have tried to look at that, but for me. Well...

In the past I have had my Jewish girlfriends to be with and commiserate with. Not since D-day have they been in my life and I miss the relationships. I don't want to be involved with them because they dont' support my M at all.

Then I get really sick with a virus that just simply wipes me out for a few weeks and just when I was on the mend, I caught a very nasty cold that has stayed in my chest and I have no energy, having a hard time breathing, and isolating obviously because all I want to do is go home and sleep after work. When I'm at work, I feel like there is that bubble around me where I can barely hear, barely concentrate, almost like D-day.

Consequently my attendance at meetings is WAY DOWN. No big deal. I'm talking to my sponsor on and off. Interestingly early this week or the end of last week I got the desire for a beer. You know what the taste of beer is like, the flavor and fuzz going down as you gulp it and that burp that comes back up. The strength of the burp... Innocent enough...

Now we have a wine bar on the way to work and home. A nice new sign that draws attention to this new wine tasting bar. So last week all my co workers went to this bar. Not me. I can't go in there, again the different than everyone else. And it was around that same time that I noticed a BRAND NEW HUGE, I MEAN HUGE liquor on the way to my house next to the supermarket that I always shop at. Did I mean how HUGE it is. Do I think about telling my sponsor this stuff.

NOPE... not because I'm hiding something, but I just don't give it much power. Yesterday morning I woke up early, sent H off to work, and fell back asleep.

I HAD A USING DREAM. A USING DREAM.

And it scared the holy CRAP out of me. I called my sponsor and just cried from all the pent up whatever. She talked to me about the enemy at work, about my disease and how powerful, cunning and patient it is. About how absolutely run down I am physically and mentally. She asked me about the three sides of our program and I realized that my unity is lacking severly. I've gone from being this crazy miss socialite who wasn't happy to a woman that loves just isoating at home taking care of her family. Not really a bad thing, but KNOCK KNOCK, I am an ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC. Isolation to ME is deadly and dangerous and if I don't knock it off I'm in bad trouble.

Talk about powerlessness, which happen to be the topic at the meeting on Thursday night at my meeting.

I went to a meeting last night, went out to dinner afterwards, didn't get home until after midnight and can't wake up. Oh that cold.... still there.

So this weekend my sponsor told me to just rest, build myself up mentally, physically, and probably work on my spirituality.....

Thanks Vittoria for checking in on me. It's made me look at my not taking care of myself and working on that today.... I think that I'll just go to H and son's lax game, then come home and crosstich and stay warm.

How are you doing?

{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}

I think you're already winning the battle because you are recognising your weakness.

I know nothing about alcoholism or addiction so I cannot offer any advice, but I can be here with some support and I can tell you how special you are.

Recovering from a nasty virus can be tough. They can really lay you low so don't be too hard on yourself. How about a tonic or a bit of sunlight? Those sun lamps are supposed to do wonders. Or a lovely walk in the park.

Take care Queenie xx

{{{{{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey Queenie,
I am so sorry to hear how run down you've been. Bed rest and chicken soup STAT!.

Have you shared any of the drinking stuff with Mr Q?

Hey, Gorgeous. Do me a favor next time you're feeling rundown and isolated. Will you please call me? We can talk about the grey weather or Zorn getting hired by the Ravens or Carroll's hiring with the Seahawks or ponder what JT is doing or recall our funny booth conversation when Lil was here or whatever you want. We don't have to talk about our Hs or recovery or nuttin' like that -- unless you want to. I can meet you at a lax game or bring you soup. I'm not too far away if you need anything, my friend. Please... Just call me. I'll email my info to make sure you have it handy.

Oh, and you don't have to feel needy to call. I'd love to hear your voice on your great days too.

Big humongous hug coming to you over the lake from me. Love ya.

Hey Queenie

How are you doing today?

Hi Stay,

I'm still so very tired. However, I did go to work yesterday and a meeting afterwards and even spent time with my sponsor, so that was a lot for me. Challenge is, I'm just completely wiped out and I need to go to my 2nd job today.

You got it Lookin, although I'm finding that reaching out isn't my strong suit right now.

So, 7 days until I take my son to the hotel and off to boot camp. We had a little time yesterday to just talk for a few minutes. I asked him as I was blubbering crying if he still hated me for working things out with his dad.

Now I realize that he won't give me his exact feelings, but what he did say was ok. He said that he has kinda forgiven him, but that he will never forget. What he didn't say was that there relationship won't really ever be the same, but we all know this. I wanted more to be honest, but I have to accept what he did give me.

I keep remembering this child when he was born and how demanding he was. I remember his self entitlement attitude even only a few days old. I remember the times that he ripped classrooms apart because he felt the world was unjust to him and that even G-d was wrong if for no other reason that form OS's point of view.

He is by far my most sensitive of all my children. He was the one who got hurt the most in all of this because WH talked to the other two kids. WH missed his graduation. He became a man the day he confronted his father over the A, and in less than one week he goes off to become a different kind of man. I'm so proud of him for the choices he had made.

I just am going to miss him so much. He was my strength when WH left. He's still my little baby, but I'm just so proud to become a Navy mom.

Back at cha woman....Back at cha Lil