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Ark wrote such a beautiful post.
I miss her around these parts...
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I am really considering going away this weekend BY MYSELF with no phones and no computers. Time to think. I mean really think but I need to know what I am thinking about! Anyway I will be home after work to run the dogs and if I am staying at Moms again I might want to pick up some underwear as I forgot to pack them!" and "no phones and no computers" is adultery code for "to see if I can get closure with OW."I might want to pick up some underwear as I forgot to pack them!" Ahhhhhhhh  My suggestion: Pack his briefs for him. Put them in a paper bag with a loving hand written note inside a beautiful card. And, pack your prettiest panties inside a pair of his briefs. And spray a little of your perfume on his briefs.  He is cake eating because he is conflicted. If he was not cake eating, he'd be in recovery with you!!! Edit to add: Also, in the paper bag ... something delicious to eat. Whatever his favorite is. Make it or buy it.
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/02/10 12:04 PM.
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i would also like to call him on the red flag of going to think this weekend.
I would like you to spend it with me, your wife.
I love you.
Let's work together to make our marriage work.
Please. I want you with me.
I desire you.
INCREASE his CONFLICT with your plan A wonderfulness.
Do not mention OW at all.
Just your desire to BE WITH HIM.
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It actually feels crappy to admit the man who is supposed to love me is actually in love with someone else. Try wording it differently so your result is different. "The man who is in love with me thinks he's also in love with someone else. I need to help him see the falseness of that feeling."
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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The children are in college, not an issue for us. They are his children and my step children. The OP has three small children under age of 8.
How do I plan for Plan B.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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How do I plan for Plan B. I don't have the time right now to re-write this thread I am linking. (I think I'll revise this thread too, sometime soon) Here's some suggestions: Getting ready for plan B It's in the archives - so you cannot add any replies.
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How is this for a response????
You told me that you thought anyone and anything could be forgiven. I truly feel you believe that and that is pretty amazing. My question is this if you knew I was trying to make things work for me and wanted to be there for us would we be able to fix this? If you ever need some perspective spend a night at my parents! There is No way I would ever want to live like that. I really think some space from everyone and everything would help me. I never really understood how much you cared but I am starting to. I guess what I am asking is do I still have a decision to make or have I screwed things up badly enough that there would be no hope? I know you believe anything is fixable but there are limits and before you answer you need to decide if I have crossed that line. I obviously do not need an answer this morning. It is a tough question. I am really considering going away this weekend BY MYSELF with no phones and no computers. Time to think. I mean really think but I need to know what I am thinking about!
I do truly believe that forgiveness is possible; we have all done things in our lives that we regret. Where would any of us be without forgiveness? I have been forgiven in the past for things I have done and regretted, so I understand what it feels like to need to be forgiven.
I also believe with all my heart that we can move past this with hard work, commitment from both of us, and time. I believe that we can learn from all that has happened and recover this marriage, recover our relationship, find the love we used to share, and make it all even greater and better than before with a closeness and intimacy that we can only dream of right now.
I also realize you are going to do whatever you want with your weekend, I would prefer you to spend it with me, your wife.
I love you. I desire you.
Let's work together to make our marriage work.
Please. I want you with me.
But if you truly need the space to think, then I can take the computers and your cell phone out of the house and go to my mother�s for about 24 hours; to give you that alone time with your thoughts.
For tonight at least, I still need some space and time. I plan to be home from counseling around 6:30pm, please be at your parents by then.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I do truly believe that forgiveness is possible; we have all done things in our lives that we regret.
Where would any of us be without forgiveness?
I have been forgiven in the past for things I have done and regretted, so I understand what it feels like to need to be forgiven.
I also believe with all my heart that we can move past this with hard work, commitment from both of us, and time.
I believe that we can learn from all that has happened and recover this marriage, recover our relationship, find the love we used to share, and make it all even greater and better than before with a closeness and intimacy that we can only dream of right now.
I also realize you are going to do whatever you want with your weekend, I would prefer you to spend it with me, your wife.
I love you. I desire you.
Let's work together to make our marriage work.
Please. I want you with me.
But if you truly need the space to think, then I can take the computers and your cell phone out of the house and go to my mother�s for about 24 hours; to give you that alone time with your thoughts.
For tonight at least, I still need some space and time. I plan to be home from counseling around 6:30pm, please be at your parents by then.  Your anti-D must be helping you today ! Your brain is functioning much better 
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"I desire you"
HUGE LOVE DEPOSIT !!!
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I do truly believe that forgiveness is possible I just thought of something! "I am certain that forgiveness is possible."
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Not sure it is functioning any better, I guess I am just starting to accept a little better and realize that in addition to wanting to recover marriage, as you said I must also protect myself.
Thank you again for help, support, and assistance. You are truly giving.
I am planning to send email now, take a shower, go to work for a little, then go to counseling.
Thanks again
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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You're welcome. You will be fine, no matter what.
I just noticed your age.
45.
I was 45 when my H was in the middle of his A.
I am 60 now ... and rockin' it too
One of the reasons I bold and color so much of my posting - it's easier for me to spot my errors during proofreading.
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How is this for a response????
You told me that you thought anyone and anything could be forgiven. I truly feel you believe that and that is pretty amazing. My question is this if you knew I was trying to make things work for me and wanted to be there for us would we be able to fix this? If you ever need some perspective spend a night at my parents! There is No way I would ever want to live like that. I really think some space from everyone and everything would help me. I never really understood how much you cared but I am starting to. I guess what I am asking is do I still have a decision to make or have I screwed things up badly enough that there would be no hope? I know you believe anything is fixable but there are limits and before you answer you need to decide if I have crossed that line. I obviously do not need an answer this morning. It is a tough question. I am really considering going away this weekend BY MYSELF with no phones and no computers. Time to think. I mean really think but I need to know what I am thinking about!
I do truly believe that forgiveness is possible; we have all done things in our lives that we regret. Where would any of us be without forgiveness? I have been forgiven in the past for things I have done and regretted, so I understand what it feels like to need to be forgiven.
I also believe with all my heart that we can move past this with hard work, commitment from both of us, and time. I believe that we can learn from all that has happened and recover this marriage, recover our relationship, find the love we used to share, and make it all even greater and better than before with a closeness and intimacy that we can only dream of right now.
I also realize you are going to do whatever you want with your weekend, I would prefer you to spend it with me, your wife.
I love you. I desire you.
Let's work together to make our marriage work.
Please. I want you with me.
But if you truly need the space to think, then I can take the computers and your cell phone out of the house and go to my mother�s for about 24 hours; to give you that alone time with your thoughts.
For tonight at least, I still need some space and time. I plan to be home from counseling around 6:30pm, please be at your parents by then. I am getting ready to leave for a while, but here was his response. Anyone care to interpret this... [/quote]
Fair enough. I will try to honor your request and be out by 6:30 however, I will need to come home early to meet that. Like 3:00 or 3:30. I will get the dogs walked and hopefully fed before you get home. As far as the weekend goes I will stay home if you let me! It doesn't do me any good to be avoid the issues by running from them. Not saying I wont need a little space here and there but I can always go for a walk or something to achieve that. I was going to ask if you wanted me to attend tonight but maybe it is better if the counselor focuses completely on you for tonight. Maybe next week will be my turn or maybe he will want to see both of us. Please ask his advice on what we should do about any future appointments. Sorry I keep getting interrupted so answering you back has not been so easy. Thankyou for the words of encouragement. Also if you want to take my homework with you so the counselor can review it that is fine [quote]
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I am getting ready to leave for a while, but here was his response. Anyone care to interpret this...
Fair enough. I will try to honor your request and be out by 6:30 however, I will need to come home early to meet that. Like 3:00 or 3:30. I will get the dogs walked and hopefully fed before you get home. As far as the weekend goes I will stay home if you let me! It doesn't do me any good to be avoid the issues by running from them. Not saying I wont need a little space here and there but I can always go for a walk or something to achieve that. I was going to ask if you wanted me to attend tonight but maybe it is better if the counselor focuses completely on you for tonight. Maybe next week will be my turn or maybe he will want to see both of us. Please ask his advice on what we should do about any future appointments. Sorry I keep getting interrupted so answering you back has not been so easy. Thankyou for the words of encouragement. Also if you want to take my homework with you so the counselor can review it that is fine
Yes to him going to counseling tonight. (only if you want him there)
Plan A yer [censored] off !
He's surprised by your plan A.
He's really surprised about your stance on forgiveness and your DESIRE of him.
This is good. 
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[/quote]
Fair enough. I will try to honor your request and be out by 6:30 however, I will need to come home early to meet that. Like 3:00 or 3:30. I will get the dogs walked and hopefully fed before you get home. As far as the weekend goes I will stay home if you let me! It doesn't do me any good to be avoid the issues by running from them. Not saying I wont need a little space here and there but I can always go for a walk or something to achieve that. I was going to ask if you wanted me to attend tonight but maybe it is better if the counselor focuses completely on you for tonight. Maybe next week will be my turn or maybe he will want to see both of us. Please ask his advice on what we should do about any future appointments. Sorry I keep getting interrupted so answering you back has not been so easy. Thankyou for the words of encouragement. Also if you want to take my homework with you so the counselor can review it that is fine [quote] Step up Plan A, its starting to show results. Say Yes to coming home. Yes to counselling together Do not keep bringing up recovery and the A just for one evening. Just have normal conversation or lack of converstion if you have nothing to say. In counselling make sure to bring up your requirements for the M and R, mainly NC and what ever else you need to see from him to keep you intersted in R. Stay away from LB's its a huge part of plan A. I know its tough when you are broken inside and you want answers but find it in you to keep with it. Have you ordered the MB book surviving an Affair yet ????
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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"BY MYSELF" and "no phones and no computers" is adultery code for "to see if I can get closure with OW." ITA - its definately code for that, dont fall for it. Ahhhhhhhh
My suggestion:
Pack his briefs for him.
Put them in a paper bag with a loving hand written note inside a beautiful card.
And, pack your prettiest panties inside a pair of his briefs.
And spray a little of your perfume on his briefs.
He is cake eating because he is conflicted.
If he was not cake eating, he'd be in recovery with you!!!
Also, in the paper bag ... something delicious to eat.
Whatever his favorite is. Make it or buy it.  Love the idea make sure he is taking a litte bit of you where ever he is going. If he is going to see OW perhaps it will cause a problem there. If he is not going to be with OW then it will work as Plan A deposists.Either way you cant loose. WW's are so predictable  They all say the same things at the same stages. Lucky you have the magic decoder so you can see thru the fog babble and navigate your way thru the fog that he is living in.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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Missy-
When you're ready ... let me know.
I have some ideas for Valentines Day.
That is, of course, if you have the strength/desire to continue your Plan A another 2 weeks.
Let me know.I think plan A like a rockstar up to and including V-Day ... then
Missy ~~~>  <~~~ WH
Kaboom ! Plan B
... if he's still cake eating & seeing OW.
But, that's just a suggestion.
I will honor your guidance of me about your timing.
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Pep- you love holidays don't you? HEHEHEHE I know it's not that you love holidays, it is just that they are HIGHLY effective for Plan B. It is funny how much you and WMF agree and tend to post the same things. It gives me a little chuckle. Mymissy- You are doing great and you are getting great responses from your WH for your hard work. I am glad that you have Pep and WMF helping you through this, with them by your side "I AM CONFIDENT YOU WILL SUCCEED"
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Pep- you love holidays don't you? HEHEHEHE I know it's not that you love holidays, it is just that they are HIGHLY effective for Plan B.
It is funny how much you and WMF agree and tend to post the same things. It gives me a little chuckle.
A birthday, an anniversary, a special date.
The end of plan A ought to be finalized with something special, one way or another.
WMF/Pep tag team is cracking me up !!!
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I happy to be on any team that includes the wisdom of Pep. Missy- How are you doing today ?
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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