Not so hot, checked phone bill and during the fiasco of monday night found that he was texting her the entire time. His emails and notes to me have once again done a 360.
I am tired, I think I am just surviving and am going to seek legal advice tomorrow.

Sorry Pep, I don't think I can Plan A my [censored] off.

I am going to weigh my options after tomorrow.
I do not know this person and what he is doing to me is now becoming cruel.

Best I can explain it is that he is POSSESED and cant think straight.

While you are in Plan A asume he is still in contact with OW.
The END result of plan A assuming it is successful will be that he will terminate contact and the A with OW. Once you operate under that premise during plan A then you know what you are up again and each repeated contact wont be a new wound.
I wish things could be different and that WH's could see the pain they continue to cause and how much they add to the recovery burden post D day. D day is hard enough but having to deal with this continued Bu77sh**T makes you just want to them over the head.

I am sorry that your WH continues to add more obstacles in the way of your recovery rather than begin to participate in it.

Its like trying plug a hole in a sinking boat while your partner keeps punching new holes in it.

There will come a time when the A dies(when ever that is)that he will realize all of this.I hope he comes to his senses soon and begins to participate in this recvery before its too late for him.

As for you -
I hope you can find comfort in knowing that if things dont work out you gave your R efforts everything you had.
No matter what the outcome of your M I hope you find peace and healing. (((mymissy)))

My thoughts are at this time is to let him pursue, when it falls apart, if too much damage has not been done - then maybe.
For now I need to protect what is left of myself, I know you are right, I cannot continue with his every 12 hour - change my mind - Bu77sh*T.
I am a stronger person than that and I am starting to feel like a meek doormat.
No more. I am going to remain the bigger person and refrain from AO, etc, etc. and try not to say any LB's, but I also need to take my empowerment back.
So thank you for your continued support through this, it has truly helped me.

Glad to see that you are still standing and infact trying to stand even taller .

IMHO what you are describing is sort of plan B seems like you are already there and doing the right steps without even realising it.

I have no doubt that you WILL heal from this mess.

I'm confused.
Let him pursue WHAT exactly? OW? Marriage recovery?


Are you done with Plan A?
If you are, what's next? [/quote


I just need to take a step back, lick my wounds, protect my assets, and see what step I take next.

But, yes I see what you are asking. I am probably moving toward a plan B - unfortunately that is going to involve selling house.

You are confusing Plan B with Plan D.

Read up on plan B here Plan A and B

If I could find my "old thread" I'd search and post a link here because I am sure there were many times I too wanted to throw in the towel. It was just too hard to take another step forward let alone keep walking. If you scan my old thread you will not recoganize my voice. I was you tired, overwhelmed with no hope no energy and a broken heart.
When I look back at my own journey sometimes I am surprised by what I am typing to you beacuse I still see my self as some one of the other side of the fence. But the truth is I am free from that prison of being a BS and you can and will be too.

Its ok to feel tired, its ok to want to give up. This is when you need to rest. Take a melatonin or ambien or an AD orwhat ever works for you, get a good nights rest and deal with it tomorrow.

I know we keep saying it missy but its worth repeating. This recovery is a marathon roller coaster ride there will be lots of ups and down.
Dont make the mistake of thinking that continued contact with OW is not common. If it was so easy to establish and sustain NC there would be no plan A let alone need for plan B.
You are expecting too much progress too soon,I know you are tired and the last thing you want to hear is that there is more work ahead but I'd rather work with what the realilty than some one just hold my hand and tell me its gonna be ok without a real direction of how I'm gonna ge there.
Sleep get some rest. Do something that makes you smile.
If you have a borders or another book store near you go there and scan thru the Surviving an Affair book. It will really help. After I picked it up I began soaking up each page and could not put it down till I had read thru it all. Then I re read it slowly. I cannot urge you strongly enough to go find that book , even if you dont recover your M it will help you make sense of the darkness and better help you understand why you WH is being the way he is being.

OH and by the way ITS GONNA BE OK . Sending you a hug you need it!

Ok, I have gotten some sleep, legal advice, and am a little better. I am ready to start again.
So Pep if you have some advice for me to follow in my own quiet and dignified way, please share.

I downloaded SAA on kindle a few weeks ago and did read it, now I need to re-read slowly.

My WS has started hiding some financial information, things that used to easily accessible in plain site are now put in other places. This concerns me.

The next concern is that the lies and deceptions continue and continue to get worse. I am trying to just go with the flow for right now and not let it be a blow every time.

Can families of the BS ever accept the WS again and if there is recovery what kind of strain does this create.

And lastly, will I know when I have reached the point of enough? I no longer know who this person is and I am not sure I want to know this version of him.

My lawyer has advised me to get copies of current financial information, I cannot access these without his knowing, do I simply wait or point blank state I spoke to an attorney and I would like copies of xyz. I am pretty sure that will be a LB right now.

How do you deal with the ever present thought in the back of your mind that WS actually had a plan in mind, it was said when all of this started "there had been a mention of spring" (OW children would be out of school)..so back to original question of a plan in mind...and that he really isn't going back and forth, but just biding his time. Even though he can see how much this is hurting me.

Why can't you get access to your financials without him knowing?

He has the passwords

We have also always maintained "separate" accounts, my account is a business account, his account is a joint account but I never use. Therefore I do not have online access and he went to paperless system last year. His current 401K statements are not filed, and the only thing I could go and get is the mortgage payoff.

Go the bank then and ask to print a statement of your balances. Or just call them and get the balances over the phone and make a spreadsheet. You can do the same with your lender if you have a mortgage. You don't have any paper copies of tax returns, check stubs, or credit card statements? Even if you don't, make the speadsheet with an estimate of monthly income, car payments, credit card debt, large assets such as 401ks, etc.