EAM, contempt of court doesn't mean a lot and won't guarantee that you'll get the money.Is he going to give you the money before you are D? If you're going to settle for that, get it up front.

Why are you not entitled to 50% of all marital assests? Even without alimony, the house and savings have to be worth more. Also are you getting child support from him>?In NZ even if you dont work, there is still a miminum amount that must be paid, and the IRD will make sure you get it, even if they garnish the unemployment benefit.

Here are just a couple ideas I have

though you are in the boondocks, there has to be a bigger town near you with legal aid. Not sure where you are but Tahoe City?, Truckee? Reno? Auborn? Sacramento? Any of those kinds of places you can look on the web.

If you want to stay at the home for now, can you start looking for a housemate for you and the child. Maybe a decent hardworking person who needs a place to call home.

Great ideas from all of you, thanks...

There is no longer any savings, WH spent it all on his trips to see OW.

I don't believe I will sign.

I reread it prior to signing and found some very interesting tidbits. Aside from the cash we sere supposed to file jointly on taxes and the return was supposed to be applied to my vehicle. This is what I found...

"Each party shall be entitled to a credit for the total tax withheld from earnings of that party..." So what does that mean? It's pretty ambiguous. I believe it means WH gets credit towards the equilization payment for all taxes withheld from his pay? Or from the tax return? Well he paid well over 25G in taxes.

"husband shall receive credit towards the equilizattion payment, as described in the attachments hereto, for one half (50%) of any tax refund for the 2009 tax year"
Same kind of crap, I may have even ended up owing him $$

I feel like I'm in a corner here. I'm in trouble if I take the offer and I'm in trouble if I go to court. I have been researching the retirement; it's federal, and you have to hire a special attorney just to get that right. I can't even get a D attorney. I have to file something tomorrow or else it goes default. I really just want to go to my mom's and curl into a tiny ball and be away from the world. Pretty pathetic huh?

S***K OW has SOME nerve...Just received an email from her nasty a**...

Hi WS,
I know that you hate me, and contacting you at this point probably isn't the best of ideas, but I feel you need to hear from me. I just want you to know that WH loves DS dearly and he thinks of DS as his son. That relationship is something completely separate from you and WH's relationship. He wants to be a part of DS's life and I know somewhere deep down you feel that way too, despite how hurt, angry, and confused you are right now.
I know it's easy to blame me for all of this but BS, I never lured WH away from you. I have known WH since 5th grade. He and I were always close friends through school and we began corresponding years ago, long before Iraq, long before the wedding (the wedding that, by the way, I did not attend), and strictly as old friends. We were hiding nothing. I'm not sure if WH told you back then about talking to me but my ex-husband can confirm that I was very open about talking to WH again.
You and he may still technically be married for a few more months, as you wait out the court process but, in my book, once divorce papers were filed you were officially the ex and WH has made it clear to you that your marriage is over and he is not coming back. I also realize there are two sides to every story and WH has admitted to me all of the past mistakes he has made, that both of you have made, in the relationship. You and he have struggled in your relationship from the beginning - long before WH and I ever reconnected as friends, so it's really not fair to blame this all on me. He wants you and DS to move on, be taken care of, and have a good life. He will stand by his word, be fair to you financially, and hold up his end of the agreement. You know WH has a good heart and he is the person you know he is, he's not out to hurt either of you. He'd like DS to remain in his life, if you'll allow it. It doesn't have to be this way. I don't hate you, I don't hate DS. I would never try to sabotage DS and WH's relationship. I'm a single mom, and I know the pressures that come with raising kids on my own, and the added financial pressure associated with it.
I would just like to put everything in perspective for you and hopefully shine some light and clarity into this situation. Divorces are difficult and messy enough without filling it with animosity based on incorrect conclusions.
I'm disappointed you went to such lengths to send the messages to my family, my friends, all in trying to hurt or embarrass WH and I. And I was even more shocked when you repeatedly called my ex-husband. He could care less what I'm doing now that we're divorced. Everyone that knows WH and I knows that we do have morals and values. WH filed for divorce from you, he and I have reconnected, and are seeing where this relationship takes us. There is nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing anywhere that states once you've filed for divorce you can't pursue new relationships.
BS, I know deep down you aren't a bad person and are only hurting and trying to figure out the rest of your life. Just try to think of DS in all of this and try to help him understand that even if WH doesn't love you anymore it has zero to do with how he feels for him. You don't want him to go on being angry for the rest of his life. That's only going to create problems for you down the line as you try to raise him.
I just want you to know my conscience is clear, and I know that I have done nothing wrong, and that I am not the cause of your divorce. I'm not a skank, I'm not a whore. I married in high school, and stayed married for 18 years, so if that makes me a bad person then I guess I am.
Please don't contact my friends or my family anymore. No one except you and WH know the true dynamics and downfall of your relationship, so it really isn't anyone else's business but you two.
It's a very sad situation, BS, and I do wish you healing.

OW

To respond or not to respond; that is the question!!

There are so many parts of this that just make me want to vomit. You can almost hear the violins playing in the background...One of the funniest to me is that she knows how hard it is to be a single mom...HA HA HA! She was married fresh out of high school and her D was final 2 mos. ago. She has been with my H since he got back physically for four mos. now, and I'm sure the EA goes way further back. She got a nice D settlement too, yet she knows the struggle?

TRANSLATION SERVICES BROUGHT TO YOU BY CLOROX


I know that you hate me,

I know I have earned your hatred

and contacting you at this point probably isn't the best of ideas,

I often do things that are not the best of ideas

but I feel you need to hear from me.

I want to twist the knife in your back, please hold still while I do it ... and i am nice about it while I do it



I just want you to know that WH loves DS dearly and he thinks of DS as his son.

I want you to know that your adulterous husband and his wh*** have been busy doing an autopsy of your marriage - before it is officially dead


That relationship is something completely separate from you and WH's relationship.

You are too stupid, you need me, your WH's wh***, to point out the obvious to you


He wants to be a part of DS's life and I know somewhere deep down you feel that way too,

I know you better than you know yourself, because I am better than you

despite how hurt, angry, and confused you are right now.

Nah-nah-nah, your feelings do not really matter, yanno?

I know it's easy to blame me for all of this but BS, I never lured WH away from you.

I am not in an adulterous situation, it's all your fault anyways


I have known WH since 5th grade.

Dibs! I saw him first!

He and I were always close friends through school and we began corresponding years ago,

Nah-nah-nah - behind your back !

long before Iraq, long before the wedding

when your WH took vows he is now breaking

(the wedding that, by the way, I did not attend),



and strictly as old friends.

friends with benefits and loose boundaries and low morals


We were hiding nothing.

from each other

I'm not sure if WH told you back then

Nah-nah-nah .... your WH was telling me things he did not tell you about talking to me

but my ex-husband can confirm that I was very open about talking to WH again.

My XH did not care enough about me to put a stop to it

You and he may still technically be married for a few more months,

And I am technically his wh***

as you wait out the court process

Heehee nah-nah-nah

but, in my book,

which is NOT the Bible, in case you were wondering

once divorce papers were filed you were officially the ex and WH has made it clear to you that your marriage is over and he is not coming back.

I am still a wh*** except for those pesky detaily like LEGAL MARRIAGE - oopsie !


I also realize there are two sides to every story

My side vs legally married ... but, I am only saying this to you to look good, because deep in my heart, I know I am a wh***


and WH has admitted to me all of the past mistakes he has made,

Ha! Ha! I know your WH sooooooo much that he made a confession to me, his wh***


that both of you have made,

Ha! I know all about what a lousy wife you were. (trying to make my wh***dom look better than your wifely errors)


in the relationship.

Are you taking notes? Yours was a relationship, not a marriage, by the decree of the adulterous wh*** who helped end your >ahem< "relationship"


You and he have struggled in your relationship from the beginning -

Aren't you glad you have my help, as I do the autopsy on your still living marriage. I am such a good person. Please like me !

long before WH and I ever reconnected as friends,

I know this because your lying, adulterous, cheating, bassturd, WH told me, so .... it must be true. WH only lies to you, never to me.


so it's really not fair to blame this all on me.

I am drowning in guilt. Please say I am a good person. PLEEEEEEZEEEEEEEE , someone call the Whaaaaaaaambulance!


He wants you and DS to move on,

WH can no longer speak for himself, I am now in charge of speaking for WH, so, listen up !

be taken care of,

with less security, because of my actions

and have a good life.

also, so I feel less guilt over becoming a home-wrecking wh*** who is nervous as hades things will not go as "planned" in affairage-to-be

He will stand by his word,

Except stand by his previous words, you remember, those marriage vows ... other than that, he'll stand by his word .... ummmmm Maybe not


be fair to you financially,

JUST KIDDING !

and hold up his end of the agreement.

But not his marriage agreement

You know WH has a good heart

.... for a lying cheat, that is ....

and he is the person you know he is,

a lying adulterous liar

he's not out to hurt either of you.

JUST KIDDING !

He'd like DS to remain in his life, if you'll allow it.

I'm not sure about this myself ... it would be a connection back to you ....

It doesn't have to be this way.

It has to be MY way, dammitall. Cooperate please.

I don't hate you,

JUST KIDDING !

I don't hate DS.

I am soooooooo maternal, can't you tell?


I would never try to sabotage DS and WH's relationship.

JUST KIDDING !
I sabotaged your marriage for rice-crispy-treat's sake.


I'm a single mom,

Oopsie - I mean, I am a divorced skanky-ho mom, my bad

and I know the pressures that come with raising kids on my own,


and the added financial pressure associated with it.



I would just like to put everything in perspective for you

because you are obviously too stupid to see my gloriousness, my generosity, and my ... what was that again? .... Oh yeah, my overall superiority to you, yeah, that's it.

and hopefully shine some light and clarity into this situation.

Because I AM the light .... cue the > ringing of church bells<

Divorces are difficult and messy enough without filling it with animosity based on incorrect conclusions.
JUST KIDDING !

I'm disappointed you went to such lengths to send the messages to my family,

CRAP!
Now I look like a home-wrecking wh***


my friends, all in trying to hurt or embarrass WH and I.

.... as we twisted the knife in your back and broke your un-important marriage vows

And I was even more shocked when you repeatedly called my ex-husband.

CRAP !

He could care less what I'm doing now that we're divorced.

This is how little my XH thinks of me ... XH knows I am trash

Everyone that knows WH and I knows that we do have morals and values.

JUST KIDDING !

WH filed for divorce from you,

.... because I told him to ...

he and I have reconnected,

and are going at it like rabbits

and are seeing where this relationship takes us.

... besides the bedroom

There is nothing wrong with that,

.... because I have decided your marriage is over, and my opinion is the only one that matters !

and there is nothing anywhere that states once you've filed for divorce you can't pursue new relationships.

because marriage vows and marriage licenses mean nothing to me

BS, I know deep down you aren't a bad person

just a rival and a threat to my adultery-happiness

and are only hurting

from the knife I shoved in your back -

and trying to figure out the rest of your life.

.... luckily, you have me to provide sage and worldly advice.

Just try to think of DS in all of this and try to help him understand that even if WH doesn't love you anymore it has zero to do with how he feels for him.

JUST KIDDING !

You don't want him to go on being angry for the rest of his life.

If this doesn't get better, my adultery-happiness is going to suffer

That's only going to create problems for you down the line as you try to raise him.

... without your husband, who is in my bed, thank you very much

I just want you to know my conscience is clear,

.... because I had it removed a few years ago

and I know that I have done nothing wrong,

except stab you and your son in the heart, but, no biggie, it did not hurt me

and that I am not the cause of your divorce.

JUST KIDDING !


I'm not a skank, I'm not a whore.

JUST KIDDING !

I married in high school, and stayed married for 18 years, so if that makes me a bad person then I guess I am.

(aside: this is the ACTUAL WAY she feels about herself. )


Please don't contact my friends or my family anymore.

Because they think I am a skank-ho !

No one except you and WH know the true dynamics and downfall of your relationship,

... and me, don't forget what I told you earlier .... WH has told me all about the mistakes YOU made

so it really isn't anyone else's business but you two.

and mine ...

It's a very sad situation, BS, and I do wish you healing.

JUST KIDDING !

Thanks Pepper! That was awesome! Think i should write the Wh**e back? I think the exposure may be getting to the poor little sl*t and my WH. I also know that my son has no desire to see him; especially if he is still with stank-bag. I think WH knows that too and is beginning to wonder is H-bag is worth it. I can just picture them telling each other how great and moral they are and what a big meanine I am...because of course as my WH said ...if I really loved him, I'd want him to find happiness

Save your energy and your sanity, EAM. Don't waste an erg writing to the POSOW. Don't give HER the satisfaction of engaging in an exchange of diarrhea.

You said what needed to be said. That's all.

That's beutiful! I'll share the last one my son wrote to his dad; there have been many and keep in mind it's a bit more raw...My son considers himself a general of sorts in a war. Nearly everyone who meets him says he'll be famous oneday, probably even the president. He's ten, but very wise for his age...It's sad, but it came from his heart; he has a lot of anger from all this too.

Goodbye forever dad,

i am done just wake up that girl "OW" to her your just a new toy and when your old shell go for someone else and thats how your paying for the divorece im sick done and ive been abuse in both ways and every time you say no to comeing back its like a thousand spears going in to my heart and i know somewhere in that body is dad but your not my dad give me my dad back i dont know what person you are but when i find you ill destoy you for doing this to me and if you think your getting to be frends to me ever again your wrong i miss you so much and you probobly think thats dumb youve taken everything from me my mom my dad my sister my family my frends my dog my cats im done and the reason im so mean is becouse im hurting so much inside i know your running away but comebackor im thouge im seriously cant take this anymore i have no frends here and i cant make anyhere becouse there always either grounded or not home youve deprived me from all the people i love my best friend my cats my dog my mom my dad everybodey and the worst part about it is DD is hurting to everything ive ever cared about youve destoyed so make your choice if you hate me that much then go if you do want out then get here in the next 24 hours this is my last timeing and my last speech go and youll never see me again i am DONE the the histery books ill be nown as the qwiet wairior so make your choice you fiend



sgt "DS"

Ah, the lessons children have to learn from our selfishness.

Was this a misspelling of friend, or deliberate spelling of fiend?


"so make your choice you fiend"

It was deliberate spelling of fiend. He isn't the best punctuator or speller, but he usually seems to get the harder words correct.

I love him too! He's an amazing kid. My H says he's just like him....NOT!!! At least not anymore. My son did learn a lesson from all this and he says he will NEVER do this to his family. DD also says she thinks her dad is the most cruel person ever and is worried it's genetic and says she'll strive her whole life to NOT be like him.

It's funny b/c my son usually signs as a general not a sgt.

Yeah, I think that WH may be getting sad and missing DS a lot and OW desperately is trying to mend it so that everything is peachy keen.

I honesty don't know if my WH came home and tried to reapir everything, if any of us could ever truly forgive him or trust him again like before..

Oh and BTW, that was sent about two weeks ago and DS has not contacted him since. He misses him, but says he misses dad, but that's not his dad.

All is not well in AffairZombieLand .... thus, OW's attempt to get YOU to make her life better ... throw your son into AFZ .....

Heck no I won't throw him in there! He's hurting enough. My step-daughters mom is making her voice heard too...she's furious and we have talked a bunch. She called WH and told him what and idiot he is and how he is hurting the kids and throwing a good woman away for a slut and that he only thinks with his d**K. He told her she is psycho, lol! Gotta figure out a way that he can't force DD to visit at OW's house, that would be like a Nuke. Any thoughts? I know XW #1 would be willing; she says it makes her sick that WH is so selfish and would take DS around his F-buddies and that it hurts DD. He can't force DS b/c he hadn't adopted yet, but DD is another story...there is a visitation order. Could XW1 find a way to ensure visitation is away from OW?