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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My H called me and told me he wants to come on Sunday. He asked me to not tell anything to my son yet, he wants to be present when we talk to him. I agreed to that. winter, this is not a very good idea and let me explain why. First off, your son will see that his dad is gone and he deserves an explanation NOW, not at the leisure of a wayward. He does not deserve to be in a state of confusion about HIS OWN LIFE for 2 days in order to accommodate your wayward husbands temper tantrum. Secondly, your H is so foggy that he can't be counted on to tell him the truth. Your H is not in touch with reality, so he can't very well be expected to tell the truth when he doesn't even comprehend TRUTH right now. As a result, what your son will be subjected to is a spun, bullcrap story that you will be put in a position to correct, leading to a fight with you and your H. That is where your WAYWARD husband's plan is headed. A self serving, fogged up wayward cannot be expected to tell the truth and do the right thing for your child, winter. That job falls to you. The best thing for your son is for YOU ALONE to sit him down NOW and tell him the TRUTH, winter. Then when your H comes on Sunday, he can explain why he was willing to risk this child's family over an affair. I would not make your son wait for 2 days to hear why his family appears to be crumbling. That is cruel and tehre is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that to him. He does not need to hear false explanations about the turmoil in his family. He needs the unvarnished TRUTH along wth your moral guidance. Tell him the truth, winter. When you are finished, call your H and tell him you made a mistake when you told him you would wait because that is not fair to your boy. You have told him the truth about his fathers affair and you invite your WS to explain his affair to his son when he comes on Sunday. The best interest of your child SUPERCEDES the desires of a self serving, selfish wayward who wants to whitewash his crime.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Mr Wondering's list of do's and don'ts helped me and also my sister in Plan A. Hope this helps... Do's
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)
DON'Ts
1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 38
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 38 |
winter, this is not a very good idea and let me explain why. First off, your son will see that his dad is gone and he deserves an explanation NOW, not at the leisure of a wayward. He does not deserve to be in a state of confusion about HIS OWN LIFE for 2 days in order to accommodate your wayward husbands temper tantrum.
Secondly, your H is so foggy that he can't be counted on to tell him the truth. Your H is not in touch with reality, so he can't very well be expected to tell the truth when he doesn't even comprehend TRUTH right now.
As a result, what your son will be subjected to is a spun, bullcrap story that you will be put in a position to correct, leading to a fight with you and your H. That is where your WAYWARD husband's plan is headed.
A self serving, fogged up wayward cannot be expected to tell the truth and do the right thing for your child, winter. That job falls to you.
The best thing for your son is for YOU ALONE to sit him down NOW and tell him the TRUTH, winter. Then when your H comes on Sunday, he can explain why he was willing to risk this child's family over an affair.
I would not make your son wait for 2 days to hear why his family appears to be crumbling. That is cruel and tehre is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that to him. He does not need to hear false explanations about the turmoil in his family. He needs the unvarnished TRUTH along wth your moral guidance.
Tell him the truth, winter. When you are finished, call your H and tell him you made a mistake when you told him you would wait because that is not fair to your boy. You have told him the truth about his fathers affair and you invite your WS to explain his affair to his son when he comes on Sunday.
The best interest of your child SUPERCEDES the desires of a self serving, selfish wayward who wants to whitewash his crime. I see your point... I will do that, thanks.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
Remind me, WH and your brother work together?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 38
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 38 |
Remind me, WH and your brother work together? Yes, they do.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
Member
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Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277 |
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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