After thinking about it...I agree with Pep. He's already confused enough...no sense in confusing him further.

Save the "stage play" for later on, if you need it. Then, when you DO it, it will probably make him think back to the "olive branch".

Don't have too much fun while I am sleeping. I will check in with the voting and thoughts in the morning.

I think I already know what I should do though. Forgo the V-day ideas and focus on the olive branch. Expect no response from WH, but understand that it is my way of letting him know that there is a way home.

Okay, so I have the DVD and CD coming. Do I wrap them nicely and maybe spray my perfume on the paper? Then I would write a short note that says.....



I am a planner, so I am trying to figure out exactly what to say and how to act. I already have my clothes picked out, how sad......hehehehehe.

Certainly don't do anything elaborate for Val-day. Flowers are fun to have around any time though, either then or later.

It's a fine line between making them wonder a little and thinking you've moved on. Less is more for these fun little brain-scrambling forays.

Focus on the gifts, and you'll know when the right time is to go out for the evening and have flowers. Maybe even shortly before the next olive branch a couple months down the road.

Too bad that new DVDs and CDs are so tightly sealed. What I would want to do is to pray a little perfume on my finger and put a barely there smidgeon of it on the CD paper insert. That way, everytime he opened the case, he'd get a whiff of you.

What you want is just a HINT of your scent...enough to bring you to mind without his realizing that it's your perfume he's smelling.

Come to think of it...a little perfume spritzed on just before you hug the boys goodbye on the days he picks them up would be nice.

Nice!

Ok my vote is forget the V-day play and do a sincere olive branch

Us guys need to be told we can be forgiven probably more than we should have to be.

We don't want him to get real confused and discouraged and what pep said makes sense. You don't want to appear to have moved on

TJ

I know I'm horribly behind, and I'm trying to catch up. I thought I'd chime in here and comment that I channel Pep, Mel, Neak, T&L, Starfish and Ark IRL.

We are going through some *stuff* IRL that is not infidelity related but very much has to do with morals and doing the right thing. In the beginning of this my husband and I were talking about it and I could actually *hear* what Mel would say about doing right and that's just what I counciled the husband unit to do.

The aforementioned ladies are in my life because of an act of Providence, imo. I'll never not listen to them. I thought I knew my life better than they did once upon a time. I thought I was speshul...it wasn't till I LISTENED to them that I became better than special.

End of TJ (because I'm getting teary)

ok, I'll throw in my own vote and thoughts....

I don't think you should do either, not the V-day thing or the olive branch. I was thinking on this last night, and really Plan B is NC with the WS. The olive branch would be going against what was written in your PBL. Essentually, you told WS to not contact to you and respect your wishes, but then you break that contact and yet expect him to adhere to the terms of the letter.

I totally get why Pep was suggesting this, but it seems to me that it goes against the grain of what Plan B is all about.....

It would make sense to me if an olive branch was extended if the affair were to end and he doesn't make any contact with you.....but at this early in the game, it seems very contradictory to what Plan B is supposed to accomplish

Just throwing this out there.....

not2fun

This works wonders. Also kiss them with lipstick on.

I know boys will hate that, but still.

I send the littles over to VD's with a lipstick kiss periodically.

I know. I'm mean.

I'd forgo the V-Day thing for now. The olive branch is a goodie, though.

The olive branch idea is something that is sometimes recommended by SH, and isn't intended to be a back-and-forth exchange. All it does is let a possibly despairing WS know that they still have the option to come home. It doesn't meet enough EN's to have a high risk of prolonging the A, just lets them know it's not too late...yet.

I wouldn't normally recommend this in a patchy Plan B, however, I can't speak for SH.

Thanks for the explanation Neak. Makes some sort of sense. I do fear though that by her offering the olive branch that WH would see this as a breaking of her boundaries outlined in the PBL. He has already tried multiple times to by-pass the IM, even recently. That worries me.

And I will say though, this was something I suggested to Queenie off-line when her WH had ended his A but hadn't made any move towards her. She was unsure of what to do, he started showing up at her son's lacrosse matches again, and I suggested kind of the same thing. Of course, she had been in a SUPER DARK Plan B for nearly a year and I thought she should let him know she hadn't closed the door to the marriage. Well, actually she thought she should do this and I agreed......

So, I can't say I'm against it......

not2fun

Not-I get what you are saying, and even my RL friends asked me the same thing. I do remember reading in an article or on a thread on here that some times a limited contact during Plan B is warranted.

I am gong to forgo the V-Day thing for sure, I don't think it would go along with an olive branch.

These are the dates from our past in Feb.(differing years)

Feb 1-We moved in together
Feb 14-V-day
Feb 15-Our first date(a dance)
Feb 20-The day we started dating, he ended that call with ILY
Feb 21-The day he asked me to marry him(it was a year later, not the next day HHAHAHAHA)
Feb 28-our first kiss
So all of our "anniversaries" are contained in this month with exception to our wedding day. He even picked the 20th though since it was the same as our "dating" anniv.

Gotta take the kids to the dentist.

Talk amongst yourselves

I like this date.

Here are my reasons for thinking the olive branch might be a good idea at this time.

1. Scotty herself - her ability to do her plan of action, no matter how difficult. I think she is strong enough to have no expectations. The most important criteria, in my mind. She also knows herself and will speak up if she's not ready.

2. The kids - they are worth Scotty taking this risk. They are stressed. They are also stressing the affair. They are not "playing" the adultery family game. (God love them !)

3. The wayward husband - He liked Scotty's plan A. He's not a bad man under normal circumstances. He's a typical wayward with typical wayward fears. "She will never take me back now. I've gone too far."
He has not filed for divorce !

4. My cat Simba told me it was time. (Just checking to see if you're paying attention).

5. Less importance than my cat Simba, the OW herself. I think she's become clingy and pushing too hard. OWs want the wife to just go away. OWs want the wife to lovebust the WH. What OWs do not want is the wife to say ....

"Stop this madness.Come home. It's not too late for you to come home."

Like Neak says, it's not an exact science. Hence, it's debatable.

IMO it needs to be brief and direct.
A touch of sentiment, but not too much.

"Remember this day? You told me you loved me. It's not to late to stop this madness, come home."


If WH breaks plan B - the broken record is (thank you Mimi)

"Have you completely broken it off with OW?"

The wayward will usually say:

"I'm going to."

Response is:

" Call me when you have."

The other stuff.
I think that is really premature.
I think the olive branch will cause the affair angst, cause the OW angst, and make Scotty look like the gem who he's letting go.

My vote

perfume and lipstick kiss to boys

Watch the DVD with them if it is age appropriate (maybe they will mention it to dad sometime while with him).....later leave the DVD for WH (after watching it yourself)

Big bouquet of flowers for your home (visible from front door).

CD playing kind of loud while pick up time occurs.

ITA with all of this. While reading this thread I kept thinking it is too early for the "other stuff". The olive branch is good, everything else is too much.

Gotcha......

I have to say I thought of Mimi when this idea was thrown out there. I could hear her telling me about the turmoil that was caused to HER when she broke Plan B....but I concur, that really only Scotty KNOWS what she can handle or not....

Oh, I keep WAITING for OW to start LB with the money issue. Since, WH seems to still be giving MOST of his paycheck to Scotty, you just KNOW that OW is not going to like being a "sugar mama" for much longer.....plus, it makes WH look BAD in her eyes when he is not pulling his weight.....not that we really "know" what is going on in Affairland.....

ok, commence Plan Olive Branch...

not2fun

ps...Scotty, I want to tell you I jumped for joy and did a dance (ok, it was in my head, but you know what I mean.....) when I read about your son telling WH about how he is not happy OW is around for the drop-offs......abso-freaking-lutely AWESOME!!!!!

"Once upon a time you said you loved me.
We can still live happily ever after."