Ever ask Harley if he beleives in personality disorders?

I bet he does.

The stuff I went through had nothing to do with the temporary insanity or fog or whatever attendant to the affair, Pep.
As far as I know, when i was getting cold water shower dousings , and my WW was bouncing checks,and giving me the silent treatment, she had not yet begun cheating.

I worry about them.

Seems many folks here have a lot of faith in Dr Harely. I have no evodence for this. But, since he has a PhD. in psych. I think there is a good likeliehood he beleives in the existence of PDs and he knows of the PD propensity for infidelity.
Anyone want to ask him if he feels PDs exist?

God help our children. The ugly A fallout is going to have them labeled as disordered.

Thanks. I am pretty resilient.

[quote=Zelmo]Borderline Personality Disorder IS what every wayward suffers from while wayward, throw in Narcissistic as well... Just Sayin'

And, why not relay whether Harley believes PDs are a bonafide dx?

It's not whether they exist that is in question, it is whether or not you should be proclaiming that your wife or anyone else's has this condition with out EVER having an actual professional examine them!

Pretty ridiculous IMO!

Borderline Personality Disorder IS what every wayward suffers from while wayward, throw in Narcissistic as well... Just Sayin'

She has already been in trouble with the law for theft, and is suspected in drug use and sales. Is this normal behavior for a 15 year-old?

It's possible.

The Cluster B personality disorders all seem to have their roots in childhood trauma/loss. Parents who are absent, or who do not exhibit parenting skills that provide loving, nurturing environments are the basis for these people developing "disordered" views of the world, people, and emotions.

I mentioned earlier that my step-daughter was diagnosed BPD. How did this come about? Well, how about the fact that

• Her mother left her father when SD was an infant
• Mother went on drunken binges during xH's trips, leaving SD to be "mother" to two younger children
• Her mother then left her adopted father (xH #3)
• Adopted father kicked her out of the house at the earliest opportunity (no, he's not the healthiest, either). She came to live with us
• Mother has now left H#4 (me) to go off with a married man, providing poor role modeling for all 3 kids
• Mother has never taken a 'parental' role with children, treating them more like pets or playthings rather than providing discipline, instruction or guidance
• Mother abandons all meaningful relationships, and does not care who she hurts

And this is just a short list.

The point is that the lack of parental 'presence' (for lack of a better word) causes a youngster to adopt a skewed view of what it means to love or be loved. They have major fears of abandonment, yet their disorder causes them to push away those who get closest to them out of this very fear. They self-perpetuate their own fears and beliefs.

Just a few days ago I learned that step-daughter #2 is now exhibiting behavioral problems that have resulted in another suspension from school. She has already been in trouble with the law for theft, and is suspected in drug use and sales. Is this normal behavior for a 15 year-old?

Yeah, well try getting one to therapy for an eval. It's like trying to bathe a cat. Can't you see the Catch-22? They hate therapy.

It doesn't sound unusual to me. I would not say she is disordered which was the point of my remark. Everyone has "issues". That does not make them disordered but according to the list that is the label that will be applied.

They are not mutually exclusive, tst.

Bet you a beer Harley says PDs are real.

Traits involving emotions:

Quite frequently people with Borderline Personality Disorder have a very hard time controlling their emotions. They may feel ruled by them. One researcher (Marsha Linehan) said, "People with Borderline Personality Disorder are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement."

1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours.

2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.

Traits involving behavior:

3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once

4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior.

Traits involving identity

5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values. People with Borderline Personality Disorder may not feel like they know who they are, or what they think, or what their opinions are, or what religion they should be. Instead, they may try to be what they think other people want them to be. Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder said, "I have a hard time figuring out my personality. I tend to be whomever I'm with."

6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder said, "I remember describing the feeling of having a deep hole in my stomach. An emptiness that I didn't know how to fill. My therapist told me that was from almost a "lack of a life". The more things you get into your life, the more relationships you get involved in, all of that fills that hole. As a borderline, I had no life. There were times when I couldn't stay in the same room with other people. It almost felt like what I think a panic attack would feel like."

Traits involving relationships

7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting (see below).

8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

* Splitting: the self and others are viewed as "all good" or "all bad." Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder said, "One day I would think my doctor was the best and I loved her, but if she challenged me in any way I hated her. There was no middle ground as in like. In my world, people were either the best or the worst. I couldn't understand the concept of middle ground."

* Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me). Sometimes you want to be close to someone. But when you get close it feels TOO close and you feel like you have to get some space. This happens often.

* Great difficulty trusting people and themselves. Early trust may have been shattered by people who were close to you.
* Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.

* Feeling of "needing" someone else to survive

* Heavy need for affection and reassurance


Some people with Borderline Personality Disorder may have an unusually high degree of interpersonal sensitivity, insight and empathy

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This means feeling "out of it," or not being able to remember what you said or did. This mostly happens in times of severe stress.

Miscellaneous attributes of people with
Borderline Personality Disorder:

* People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often bright, witty, funny, life of the party.

* They may have problems with object constancy. When a person leaves (even temporarily), they may have a problem recreating or remembering feelings of love that were present between themselves and the other. Often, Borderline Personality Disorder patients want to keep something belonging to the loved one around during separations.

* They frequently have difficulty tolerating aloneness, even for short periods of time.

* Their lives may be a chaotic landscape of job losses, interrupted educational pursuits, broken engagements, hospitalizations.

* Many have a background of childhood physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or physical/emotional neglect.