{{{{Stillhere}}}}}

There are a lot of beautiful people here on MB, inlcuding YOU!

Hey all: I didn't read all the previous posts, but the idea of affairing down...I don't know if my WH even thought of it one way or the other. OW is 24 years is Jr., I met her several times before EA ocurred, even had her and her husband in my home how's that for a kick in the teeth. I used to call her lovingly(yes, i said lovingly...i used to really like her) J-Loe. She is young, beautiful beyond belief. Tall (I'm short), she has a very athletic build (me-hour glass with a little to much glass), stong, intelligent working career woman well educated (me stay at home mom for 22 years, relatively smart never finished college, good head on my shoulders i get by)

there was nothing for me to compare to i am old enough to be her mother, how do you wrap your head around that? Looking in the mirror was and still is very hard, excrusiatingly painful at times. Like i said, a little too much in the middle, firming cream for my wrinkles is my best friend and yes, only my hairdresser knows what color (grey) my hair really is. what used to be my best assets, you know twin peak territory now lies safely in the valley of underwire!

So.....affair down?......affair up? Maybe it's not up to the perception of the WS, maybe it's our (BS) perception of ourselves. At least with me it is. After discussing this with my WS, one of the things that was so apparent was that she is so very different from me in every way.....maybe that was what he saw in her along with EN being met on every level. He says I was never a thought and he didn't set out to pick "her" it just happened to be her...

My luck huh?

See my sig line.

Not in our case, nor in many I recall to mind TBH.

I am not sure if it is more manly or if the WS affairs down with someone "different" than their spouse. I think of Mike C2 and if I recall his wife went for quite a wimpy fellow and very mild compared to Mike. Perhaps this is part of the attraction, "If I am not happy then what I need is different"?

Perhaps that difference adds to the excitement and the newness of the adultery.

Maybe it's just that the WS goes for "completely different than what I have now" and different means "non faithful, etc."

While I find this thread entertaining at times, I am also struck by the concept that "Why?" is a control word. In other words, asking why is a way to try to control the situation.

It gives me a little satisfaction to think that WW chose "down" because it helps keep my self-esteem in place. But when I do so I am being quite judgmental, and that's something that we are told we must avoid doing because DJs are LBs.

I can slice it a number of ways: OM is younger than WW (I am older). He is taller than me, has more hair, has more kids. Those are some of the "pluses" I could place. He also has less education, smokes, is a known ladies man (and a married philanderer), has recently had cancer surgery, and is a dishonest as the Icelandic night is long (at this time of year). Those are some negatives.

Who knows what WW sees in him? We seem to agree that pluses and minuses don't really play into it. OM meets EN that haven't been met at home. WW has not set sufficient precautions to prevent an A from occurring.

When all is said and done, unfortunately, to me the only truth is, "It is what it is."

I have a simpler hypothesis - instead of "affairing down", I think the OP is likely to be the polar opposite of the BS. Perhaps it's nature, our "gut instinct" at work, trying to ensure that the gene pool is properly mixed. Or maybe we just get tired of having our ENs met in one way, and are therefore enticed when someone else meets them differently.

I do know that in my case the OM is almost the exact opposite of me, in almost every way.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

I remember when my BIL a long time ago started goin with someone who I thought was drop dead gorgeous, I mean she was, Huge chest,long pretty hair,dark italian skin, etc. I said to my then H (now WH) OMG she is so gorgeous, I cant even stand next to her. And H said something like, "I dont think she is gorgeous at all, she smokes, shes loud, she acts like a B#tch and she really is just pretty with a big chest, maybe she is just not my type. If she didnt have boobs, I wouldnt even give her a second look."

Then I started askin around, because I thought H was just sayin it to make me feel better....everyone I asked men and women young and older all said she was just attractive but not gorgeous....So I guess my idea of a gorgeous woman that a man would love to be with is different than everyone elses.

Oh well now OW has long dark hair, dark italian skin(I have been told) she is constantly fighting with WH on the phone and when I talked to her she sounded like she has been smoking for years and talked like a truck driver (and not just because of the language either)....so maybe he was just lying. Or like everyone said she was the opposite of me.

Or it could be the fact that he worked next to her and he talked to her about our problems and she called me a ungrateful B#tch and slept with him....an easy coworker....the opportunity was there and he grabbed it.

((((SMB)))),

Oh honey.....I can SOOOOO relate...(I'm not the biggest fan of this topic either.... ).....

OW was/is beautiful. And to make matters worse, I got to come across scantily clad/sexy lingerie photo's she did for H. So now not only was she BEAUTIFUL...but dang if she didn't have a great body too...(a major self-esteem area for me....). AND....the woman is 9 years OLDER than me....Thank God you had Mel...I had Mimi for this....

It all comes back to what you wrote....and if there ever comes a day where H thinks he made a mistake or holds me in a lower-esteem than OW.....well, he knows where the door is....

She, nor he, no longer has that hold on me......

not2fun

OM in my case was almost a foot shorter than me, and 14 years older. Triple divorcee, and deliberately unemployed and living off his GFs earnings so as to avoid support payment for the various children he had abandoned around the country. Made and sold black market media to supplement his income tax free.

Never graduated high school.

Yet Squid still gave to him willingly what she promised only me. Go figure.

The bottom line is you can dress up a pig, but you still have a pig. **snort**

Yeah, ML, you said it....and I always try to remember that no matter who you are, pretty much, there is someone younger and better looking than you....and that esp goes for stupid OP.

I remember the first time I saw the FOW, my H was living with her at the time and I decided to stop by and say "hi" LOL,, anyway she really surprised me,, she was my polar opposite in every way.

Do I feel he affaired down? Yes, my hubby was the third married man she had been with,, who does that really??

Anyway I still wonder what he was thinking, but then I realise he wasn't. LOL