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Married 20 yrs
1 son - 14 yr
Very small town.
DD was Sept. 09.
Very public. Made the local news.
3 months of hell, 3 months of trying to reconcile.
Living as roomates, WW has feelings for OM.
"Can't be the wife you deserve"
WW affair was with her former Boss. He is former because when I found out I had a physical confrontation with him at his very public job. He was quickly fired.
WW has sworn to me there has been no contact since Sept. Last night I put a voice activated recorder in her car. Next Day, conversation with her talking to him on the phone. "I miss you"....."I wish I was with you".
Confronted WW....after a few denials and lies she confessed they have talked a few times since Dec. I know its a lie. She says she loves him, but loves me too.
So I told her to leave today. Pack every pair of socks, every hairbrush and be gone when I get home.
What do I do now? I have consulted a lawyer so I am ready to pull the trigger and file.
Do I contact OMW? Do I play the tape to my WW employer?....she says some nasty stuff about her new boss who took over from the OM when he was fired.
Do I tell family? Friends?
Do I just file for Divorce, divide 50/50 and let their sorry asses have each other?
Thanks
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Do I contact OMW? Do I play the tape to my WW employer?....she says some nasty stuff about her new boss who took over from the OM when he was fired.
Do I tell family? Friends? RTQ, I would tell everyone about the affair, starting with the OMW and your son. Your son especially needs to be informed and given moral guidance.. I don't know taht I would play the tape for her boss, that is not really relevant to the situation at hand. What was her reaction to your request to move out? Will she move out?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She said "ok".
She has called, texted and repeatedly says she is sorry for hurting me. That she wasnt happy and instead of talking to me about it she went out and found someone who makes her happy.
She has been a solid christain, ss teacher, involved in church. The perfect mother and wife for 20 yrs.
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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You made it easy for her to walk out.
Is that what you wanted?
Now she can say you kicked her out. Instead of it being her choice to leave.
Did you do Plan A?
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Since there was public fallout was the A exposed back then or was this limited to your confrontation with OM and his firing? Expose to family and OMW.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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The A was exposed to OMW to the whole town. OM admitted it to his bosses made of board of citizens....who quickly fired him.
Also exposed to Family.
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Have you ever spoken to OMW? If not do so ASAP. She may do a lot of ball busting on her side but you have to tell her the latest. I assume your son knows due to the publicity.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I did a very poor plan A. I tried to make everything ok but her coldness and distance and not meeting me halfway made it very difficult. We didnt fight but we had alot of relationship talks that she hated. Said she just needed time...and once confessed needed time to see if OM would leave his wife.
Last week I wrote her a loving letter that bascically said I was regaiining my self respect, if she wanted him she should leave, that I would not tolerate her having any relationship with him, and I wish her happiness if she leaves.
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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I plan on calling the OMW in a few minutes.
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Make the call and let us know what she says.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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The A was exposed to OMW to the whole town. OM admitted it to his bosses made of board of citizens....who quickly fired him.
Also exposed to Family. \ Do they all know the affair has not ended? I would get the news out and make sure the OMW and your son know. I would also strongly advise you to meet with the OM and let him know that you will fight for your marriage. You have to cause as much conflict as possible. Additionally, you should DEMAND that your wife end contact if she is going to stay in your home. Otherswise, she needs to know that you will be filing for divorce.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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One piece of advice you were repeatedly given on the other thread was to call the Harley coaching centre. You never answered that or indicated whether you could afford, or were willing, to try their specialist, professional coaching.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I know I should have. I just was at the end of my rope...hence the name....Ready2Quit
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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I get the name, but what do you WANT?
Do you want your marriage, or do you want out?
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Posts: 92
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OP
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Posts: 92 |
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Okie dokie.
Step 1 is to make a plan and re-tell everyone that nothing has stopped.
Step 2 is to read everything here about Plan A and Love Busters...
Step 3 is to put a leash on your giver for a while...and it might be a long while.
Might I suggest getting your hot little hands on a copy of Surviving an Affair? It's a must read right now. If you can't get it toot-sweet, try looking at your local library. I know I found it at the one in the town we were living when my DDay occurred.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Have you called the OMW yet? You need to know what the real deal is. Just because there was publicity doesn't mean the woman is not clueless about what EXACTLY is going on.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 92
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In the process of number 1.
Already done number 2
Will do number 3
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Posts: 92
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Tried about 30 minutes ago. She was in a meeting, will try back in about 15 minutes.
BH Age 45
WW Age 44
M 20 yrs
Son 14 yrs
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Please read the Carrot & the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband. It is most helpful.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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