I have been diagnosed with depression in the past and also anxiety and have been on paxil...I felt a little better while on paxil. I asked hubby to look at symptoms of bi-polar and he thinks I have 95% of the symptoms...I've looked at the symptoms, but really didn't think that was the case...I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but after the birth of my 7 yr old daughter I had severe depression, I had visions of either jumping out of a second story window, or jumping out holding my newborn. My hubby has told me things I don't remember, like screaming at her...screaming when she wouldn't nurse, he said I screamed at her in the hospital. I don't remember screaming at her, except for one incedent when she wouldn't nurse. I had such a hard time with her...I was in labor for 23 hours, she had to be rushed for oxygen a few hours after birth, then labeled failure to thrive as she was losing weight rapidly. I felt like I was forced to bottle feed her. I had no friends at this time, the only person I had was hubby. I was diagnosed with depression and was put on prozac. Prozac had a bad effect on me and made violent and rageful. I really want to know why there are parts of my life I have no memory of, then parts are just photographic.

'Wife02', that story about your husband waiting on on of your OM is a bit unnerving to hear, even though you said you were not sure...very odd.

Thanks for replying to my question. I do know my wife and I never lacked SF, especially back when the A's occurred. We were both in our 20's, and doing it all the time. Even now, we seem to be able to connect often.

It was an emotional connection for her as well, (with OM's), at least thats what she tells me. They were telling her things she needed to hear, and being her, 'friend'. As she has learned, there are plenty of men that will be your 'friend', as long as you're giving up your booty.

Tell them your problems, and don't have sex with them, see how long they will listen....not long.

((((wife02))))) I urge you to try to see a knowledgable doctor. Man, we could be related. I did NOT want to hear some of my H's concerns for so long. I didn't want to be "crazy." Much of it had to do with our church's intolernace of mental illness - just pray enough and you should be fine. I wish I had listened sooner.

Regardless, this is a good place for you to be. So many people here have such wise and spot on advice. Keep posting.

What type of doc can diagnose bipolar disorder? I was looking at the symptoms of bipolar disorder again and really thinking about the things I've done over my life and see some things that would only make sense if I was bipolar. The mood shifts really make me wonder. I made my own head spin yesterday after I had thought about it. I had been talking and joking with hubby and otherwise pretty happy, well, I went from that to just ANGRY in the space of less than 10 minutes. I didn't really realize it until my hubby said something about. And when I thought about it I was just thinking, whoa, did I just do that? All I want to do is go back to being that calm, quiet,(and my hubby refers to as sweet)person I was when we met. I didn't feel "crazy" then.
When I was about 20 I went through a time where I felt absolutely wonderful, I had never felt so self-confident and out-look was great. Everything was just perfect! Could that have been a manic episode? I went from that to just down and depressed in a space of about 3 months. I just went downhill from there.

So much to say to you. You say these are "your" bad choices, but then you place the blame on the men or other people. Watch how you do this - I will highlight it in red for you:




My bad choices began when I was 19 and I gave my virginity to a man who was only using me. He was extremely rough with me and injured me. I am still reminded of that on a regular basis. The injury no longer causes physical pain but none the less still hurts.


My next bad choice was becoming invovled with a drug addict and masturbation addict. I was constantly being hurt by him and his "hand" addiction. I became pregnant by him and lost the baby at 22 weeks. My first DD was born alive and died 12 hours later. I had to endure Christmas right after her death. I moved back home with my parents and had to deal with my mother trivalizing her death and my grief. About April bad choice #2 begins to hound my older sister about me. He begged her to give me his phone number. Well after agonizing over this she gives it to me. Well, I am in the process of trying to get over him, I think I had just taken off the ring he had given me. Well, after talking to him and being reeled in by him I went back. I can't believe I went back...I had a full time job and had saved quite a bit of money and I had gotten back my self confidence. I have never felt better about myself as I have then. Stupid me thought he had changed so I went to go see him and got trapped by him. I wound up pregnant again and something that was willing turned into this kidnapping situation. I was physically abused by his friends and emotionally abused by him once again. I managed to run away one day and wound up in a Maternity home in VA. They tried finding me there around the time the baby was due but that was about it. I gave up my son for adoption.


After that I met someone online, he begged me to come and see in another state hundreds of miles away. Well, once again I fall for silvery words and came to see him and get stuck here. He uses me repeatedly for sex. Another masturbation addict,

how do I find these guys? I have to interject here. You look for them, you state yourself that you "fall" for them, you FIND them, you RUN to them, you go to them, and you even go back to them. You need to look at yourself very deeply and understand why you CHOOSE THEM. Because in each of these cases, YOU CHOSE. Think about that. I'm serious here - think about why you chose each of these men. Because you did. In each case, you went willingly, by your own words. Where in there do you actually listen to that voice that says, "BAD CHOICE!" and then actually follow through with NOT DOING THE BAD THING?


Anyway, after a few other guys I meet my hubby. He is a wonderfully stable change from all the others. He has a job and is supporting himself, something else that was refreshing to me, his sense of responsibility. It was so wonderful in the beginning, we would drive around in his big truck, and he would say flirty things to get me to slide up next to him. He took me to the dam and that's where he kissed me for the first time. I remember many kisses and he never shied away from one or turned away. He was very sweet and quiet and very kind. Although, there was one instance I began to think his love was pity. I could only find part time work and I was on food stamps, well, we had gone grocery shopping together and mind you this was around the second week. My food stamp card wasn't working..ie it had not been refilled when it should have been. Well, he pays for my groceries and tells me not to worry about it that he would take care of me. That still strikes me when I think about it because he was the first man that had ever said it and meant it and then I go and hurt him the way that I did.

Well, I got pregnant by him and on purpose earliler you said you didn't want to trap him, but this makes me wonder again about your choice making skills and impulsivity problem , he said he wanted it too. We had a great relationship at that point and I never expected things to change.

It changed hours after we married. We did have sex when we got home, but it was few and far between. At one point he refused me for 6 mo in the first year. It was as though he was angry with me. The second year was the really bad year, he refused me at every turn, except if he wanted it. We moved into a new house in Oct. not long after that we got the computer. We argued almost all the time. After the moved he always refused me, there was no attention and no kissing. I cheated not long after that. So, it didn't take long for you to look elsewhere. This should tell you that your problem-solving skills are very much lacking, and that your response to issues are fairly impulsive. Your history of "bad choices" validates that. You need to get into independent counseling and dig DEEP to figure out WHY.

I felt pretty bad about it, but, later on in the next year I wasn't handling it very well, if you ask my hubby he would tell you he thought I was bi-polar and he would tell you that to this day. I can't really remember my behavior very well back then, but I just didn't feel like myself. I still don't feel calm like I used to. My response here is that you were probably never viewed by others as a "calm" person. Check this out with someone who will tell you the truth. Likely, they will tell you that they have always viewed you as somewhat scattered, impulsive, and not too good at thinking through decisions before you dive in, plus they are probably going to tell you that you tend to be a little jumpy. I also suspect that in an argument you get really angry pretty fast, then cool off just as quickly - they will tell you that you tend to be ruled by your feelings, and not your head. Just an educated guess here.

But sometime after that I had gotten a job at a gas station and there were all kind of men and I felt like I was on the prowl. I was angry with my husband for not giving me the attention I wanted. I didn't exactly feel like the same person as I did when I was dating and all the mistakes I had made then. It was like I was a different person when I had the As. I can't quite explain, but hubby says I am a different person from when we married. Your husband is probably right about his observations. You have probably shown some growth in coming to grips with your past behavior, and now you are looking back and reviewing what you did in horror. This has a chilling effect on people who have allowed emotional reactions to take control of their lives - and now you are trying to set a new pathway for yourself, which is to allow the logical side of yourself to take control. Thus, your husband sees this as a "different person" coming to light. He probably isn't quite sure what to make of such a change, because if you make this permanent, it will be a drastic flip from the previous and historic "you".

Not an easy task, but it is possible, BTW.

BTDT

So I know what you're doing, and where you've been.

When you react now, you have to react from a point of CONTROL. And that is what you are looking for, here, at MB. You can find that - read the Emotional Needs area of the website, and then look at the Radical Honesty part. Then, you and your husband need to talk about the Policy of Joint Agreement. You and he need to get on the same page - and I would say that moving out of that town would be advisable, because your husband does not need to be waiting on OM. EVER.

Can I make some clarifications...not meaning any disrespect whatsoever to you. I think you are right on almost everything, with that said. I look at the men I have been with and ran to as bad choices and I am putting it lightly. As I think back about the horrible choices I have made and just think how could I.

So much to say to you. You say these are "your" bad choices, but then you place the blame on the men or other people. Watch how you do this - I will highlight it in red for you:




My bad choices began when I was 19 and I gave my virginity to a man who was only using me. He was extremely rough with me and injured me. I am still reminded of that on a regular basis. The injury no longer causes physical pain but none the less still hurts.


My next bad choice was becoming invovled with a drug addict and masturbation addict. I was constantly being hurt by him and his "hand" addiction. I became pregnant by him and lost the baby at 22 weeks. My first DD was born alive and died 12 hours later. I had to endure Christmas right after her death. I moved back home with my parents and had to deal with my mother trivalizing her death and my grief. About April bad choice #2 begins to hound my older sister about me. He begged her to give me his phone number. Well after agonizing over this she gives it to me. Well, I am in the process of trying to get over him, I think I had just taken off the ring he had given me. Well, after talking to him and being reeled in by him I went back. I can't believe I went back...I had a full time job and had saved quite a bit of money and I had gotten back my self confidence. I have never felt better about myself as I have then. Stupid me thought he had changed so I went to go see him and got trapped by him. I wound up pregnant again and something that was willing turned into this kidnapping situation. I was physically abused by his friends and emotionally abused by him once again. I managed to run away one day and wound up in a Maternity home in VA. They tried finding me there around the time the baby was due but that was about it. I gave up my son for adoption.


After that I met someone online, he begged me to come and see in another state hundreds of miles away. Well, once again I fall for silvery words and came to see him and get stuck here. He uses me repeatedly for sex. Another masturbation addict,

how do I find these guys? I have to interject here. You look for them, you state yourself that you "fall" for them, you FIND them, you RUN to them, you go to them, and you even go back to them. You need to look at yourself very deeply and understand why you CHOOSE THEM. Because in each of these cases, YOU CHOSE. Think about that. I'm serious here - think about why you chose each of these men. Because you did. In each case, you went willingly, by your own words. Where in there do you actually listen to that voice that says, "BAD CHOICE!" and then actually follow through with NOT DOING THE BAD THING?


Anyway, after a few other guys I meet my hubby. He is a wonderfully stable change from all the others. He has a job and is supporting himself, something else that was refreshing to me, his sense of responsibility. It was so wonderful in the beginning, we would drive around in his big truck, and he would say flirty things to get me to slide up next to him( I never looked at this as being wrong or something to fall for, these are great memories). He took me to the dam and that's where he kissed me for the first time. I remember many kisses and he never shied away from one or turned away. He was very sweet and quiet and very kind. Although, there was one instance I began to think his love was pity. I could only find part time work and I was on food stamps, well, we had gone grocery shopping together and mind you this was around the second week. My food stamp card wasn't working..ie it had not been refilled when it should have been. Well, he pays for my groceries and tells me not to worry about it that he would take care of me. That still strikes me when I think about it because he was the first man that had ever said it and meant it and then I go and hurt him the way that I did.

Well, I got pregnant by him and on purpose earliler you said you didn't want to trap him, but this makes me wonder again about your choice making skills and impulsivity problem ,. I am simply saying that she was planned by he and I. I told him I wanted a baby and he said he did to. I would not have done this if I had thought it through. It was a reckless disicion. he said he wanted it too. We had a great relationship at that point and I never expected things to change.

It changed hours after we married. We did have sex when we got home, but it was few and far between. At one point he refused me for 6 mo in the first year. It was as though he was angry with me. The second year was the really bad year, he refused me at every turn, except if he wanted it. We moved into a new house in Oct. not long after that we got the computer. We argued almost all the time. After the moved he always refused me, there was no attention and no kissing. I cheated not long after that. So, it didn't take long for you to look elsewhere. This should tell you that your problem-solving skills are very much lacking, and that your response to issues are fairly impulsive. Your history of "bad choices" validates that. You need to get into independent counseling and dig DEEP to figure out WHY. I completely agree with that!

I felt pretty bad about it, but, later on in the next year I wasn't handling it very well, if you ask my hubby he would tell you he thought I was bi-polar and he would tell you that to this day. I can't really remember my behavior very well back then, but I just didn't feel like myself. I still don't feel calm like I used to. My response here is that you were probably never viewed by others as a "calm" person. Check this out with someone who will tell you the truth. Likely, they will tell you that they have always viewed you as somewhat scattered, impulsive, and not too good at thinking through decisions before you dive in, plus they are probably going to tell you that you tend to be a little jumpy. I also suspect that in an argument you get really angry pretty fast, then cool off just as quickly - they will tell you that you tend to be ruled by your feelings, and not your head. Just an educated guess here.

But sometime after that I had gotten a job at a gas station and there were all kind of men and I felt like I was on the prowl. I was angry with my husband for not giving me the attention I wanted. I didn't exactly feel like the same person as I did when I was dating and all the mistakes I had made then. It was like I was a different person when I had the As. I can't quite explain, but hubby says I am a different person from when we married. Your husband is probably right about his observations. You have probably shown some growth in coming to grips with your past behavior, and now you are looking back and reviewing what you did in horror. This has a chilling effect on people who have allowed emotional reactions to take control of their lives - and now you are trying to set a new pathway for yourself, which is to allow the logical side of yourself to take control. Thus, your husband sees this as a "different person" coming to light. He probably isn't quite sure what to make of such a change, because if you make this permanent, it will be a drastic flip from the previous and historic "you". He liked the me from when we where dating, he does not like the "new me". When we where dating(until I had the baby idea) I was calm and somewhat in control. I'm not sure exactly when I lost it. It's like I got brief episodes of the me I really am. The nice, considerate ,calm, and kind me.

Not an easy task, but it is possible, BTW.

BTDT

So I know what you're doing, and where you've been.

When you react now, you have to react from a point of CONTROL. And that is what you are looking for, here, at MB. You can find that - read the Emotional Needs area of the website, and then look at the Radical Honesty part. Then, you and your husband need to talk about the Policy of Joint Agreement. You and he need to get on the same page - and I would say that moving out of that town would be advisable, because your husband does not need to be waiting on OM. EVER. We will be moving soon, hopefully this summer.

Oh, I did want to point out that the kidnapping situation was that I was being held against my will by a friend of the exes. He was enjoying the abuse his friends where putting me through. No one in my family knows the extent of what was going on. Those people where secretly drugging me, using me as a slave and threatening to take my unborn baby. (that last one I know makes NO sense to me now, but then it was torture, lots of things make sense when you are drugged) These people had done this before to another girl. They wanted my baby and where doing whatever they could to get it. I had at least enough sense to run away when I did. I saw a brief oppurtunity when the women was watching me. I had to have police escorts to safely get out of there. But, I don't understand why they couldn't go after these people. But, my parents never filed missing person or anything like that, but they weren't aware of how things turned that bad.

What are you skeptical about? Are you wanting the complete unabridged version?

Is anyone here missing the fact she was raped? Do you know what happens to some, and I say some, women when they are raped at a young age?
Wife2 you need to find that out because you have inside a messed up emotional link to sex. I bet that your HUbby has no idea how to deal with this and looks at you as "dammaged goods"

As far as your Husband goes someone said he was probably totally blaming himself.

So he wants to save you but can't trust a woman with a sex drive. He wants to desire you but feels inadaquate to his very core. He loves you but hates himself and has given up on romance or even any slim hope of intimacy of how he can trust his heart.

I wonder if he did talk about his past and the pain he felt and hoped you would make it better as he loved and protected you from the sleezes you associated sex with? Good news.. You are starting the process now. To bad you didn't see how much he was suffering and deal with it B4 you got married but you see it now and that is what matters.. Cuz now is where we allways start from.
Sometimes we click with someone and still don't communicate as well as we assume. Did you tell him abaout all your sexual experiences in the past? More important though, Did you realize that you have a desire to be dominated sexually? How could you talk about that if you didn't know? Did you ever spend time with a man before him that treated you with respect in the sex dept? Like when you said no?

Seems that you have been sexually abused by every guy before your Husband. You need to figure this out. It screwed up who you chose and why.

Now did your husband, after having two failed marriages and being cheated on in both of them give up on love? Instaed of boldly stating that he was hurt and knowing it wasn't his fault did he inside wonder if it was? Did he succomb to the idea put in his head that he was inadaquate? Did HE ever figure it out with a counselor and how much baggage did he bring with him?

You guys need help to identify whatever lies you have been sold or beaten into you by life and then you can heal yourselves and your marriage.

You have a strong sex drive coupled with some former abuse and boundary problems.

Hubby has given up on intimacy and trust and is so alone. He might have issues outside of your time with him or his first wives that contributed to this also.

You are both lucky and cursed you found each other. The curse is you have each other to blame so you don't have to seek help. <( I give you credit for coming here so don't feel like I'm dissing you)

The lucky part or blessing is that you both know what its like to be emotionally hurt and you want to feel good again as you love each other.

There have been many posters on this thread who amaze me in their wisdom and after reading it I am so glad they are helping you sort out your mind. They will be able to help you deal with what you need to do now better than I .You need both types of counselling, IC and the Harleys along with some prayer time together. As long as you do your part, God will do his.

Best wishes and prayers

Oh and i did read between the lines and I think your parents neglected you somehow. Tell the Shrink/therapists everything. Find one who makes you think not just holds your hand OK? So many of them wont realize how well you will seem to behave is really an act. Be challanged to change and fight for the truth and I hope that you do this. Not just for yourself but for your kids.

How and why would a parent NOT make a big deal about a kidnapping and still call themselves parents? What did you do to be treated that way or do you come from an extreme dysfuntional Family?


..wait I take back that question.. They have to be POS. No parent would let thier child turn out like this..Thier is nothing you could do to deserve this neglect

You'r right, SSO. No child DOES smething to MAKE a parent treat them a cetain way. A real parent loves unconditionally. Period.

I do feel in some areas I was neglected by my parents on some levels. My biological parents where well...my mother gave me up for adoption, I was the product of an affair. Ever since I found that out I had always felt that I was not born out of love but of lust and hatred. I don't like talking about...What I don't get is that I wasn't even raised by her but yet I followed in her mistakes. I gave up a child for adoption and I cheated on my husband. My parents always had foster babies in the house. My mom always seemed to have 2 under 2. The house was always perfect, well except my room, I was a tad messy, but what young child isn't? We always went to church, my parents had a singing group and we all sang. I remember doing things to get attention from her, I remember being around after potty training I think I was 3 or 4 I went and peed on the floor under my bed(luckily it was a hard wood floor and not carpet). I don't remember my dad being around much. In pictures, we were all very loving. And there where A LOT of pictures. I remember right around puburty that I no longer got to sit on my dad's lap. I used to lay across his lap and he'd rub my back and well I got be around 11 and that stopped too. Things got realllll awkward and still are. He still took me to the park and took me other places. He bought me toys and took me fishing. My mother had to go into a mental health place for a while (oo she'd have a fit if she knew what I'm about to admit to about her) because she had been raped. I remember her being almost absent in mind for 2 years. I don't remember much from that time. It's like I almost blocked out 10,11, and 12 completely. I do remember crying myself to sleep every night for the week she was gone...I think I was around 11 at that time. Another thing was I was homeschooled and didn't have any friends.
The only people I had to talk to where adults. Mostly my parents and my older sister (there was a 14 yr gap between us). Then we moved from town into the country and I wasn't allowed to play with the neighborhood kids because they went to public shcool and would expose me to things like (gasp) sex. Well, I got invovled with a home school group and I met my best friend CB...(not going to use names) She was a blast! And she new about sex. I met her when I was 14 and learned all about sex...how it worked and even stuff that I didn't think should be done. Funny thing though, after reading about Song of Solomon and reading about what's really in there it wasn't anything different, except leaving out the married part. I was told a little bit about sex and I wasn't to do it till married. I wasn't told that it could be beautiful and it was loving. I had to discover that for myself.
Anyway, once I had learned about sex I started writing erotic things about my favorite charictars (I learned later on that this was refered to as fen fiction). I had a long story going that was over 300 pages. Another crazy things is that I discovered masturbation at age 7. Who ever heard of that! I had been accidently exposed to a naked man on TV. Things where awoken in me that shouldn't have been at that age. I really didn't know what the physical feelings were and knew I shouldn't ask about it. My mother caught me once and told me nice girls didn't do stuff like that, but it didn't stop. I discovered it was a good sleep aid. But, I did stop at some point. I rediscovered it at 11. I thought it was bad, so I stopped. It was always a cycle for me...I would become convinced it was bad and stop. I really don't think it was compulsive or addictive, I just wanted to because it felt good. Anyway....I felt more disconnected form my parent at 14 than I ever have in my life. Go to your room was never a punishment for me, it was always come out of your room. I was always depressed and my mothers counselor was concerned about me because she never saw me smile. I didn't smile very much at at all. I remember all I wanted to do was sleep in my dark room, I aways had the blinds closed and the darker the better. I remember about 15 I had a crush on the kid across the street and I would sit by my window and watch him play basketball. I watched him for 1 year and a 1/2. It was one of those things where he liked me in private but hated me in front of his friends. Well, one night we both snuck out at midnight, we talk and made out. I don't know if this was important or not but that kiss was amazing and I remember it like it happened yesterday. Three kisses one deeper than the next, the excitement of being outside and possibly getting caught. But that kiss caused me to have the greatest orgasm ever. I have never had one like it since. I think my husband has what it takes to bring that out of me but he hasn't tried. He won't do what it takes for that to happen. Either that or the experiance has ruined me and I have to have a heighten sense of excitement .
The next night we snuck out again, it wasn't the same. He was eager to do stuff..he touched me in places and it really hurt (I was still a virgin and I couldn't insert a pinky finger without a lot of pain. It didn't feel the same as it had the night before. We didn't have sex, the only thing preserves was my physical virginity. Something about that left me feeling empty.

Not long after that I met my first actual boyfriend. He was great and I couldn't stop smiling at him. We would make out and feel each other. I still didn't feel what I had with my first kiss. But, that didn't stop me from obsessing about him. I think I stalked that poor kid by telephone. The kid told me he loved me the second time we talked on the phone. It was the first time a boy said that to me. But anyway, we broke up after a year and I met this other guy and we phone dated...he was off and on. When my first boyfriend was off the second time he was on and then by the time he was off, I went looking for my first boyfriend. Till it get's to the beginning of all my bad choices. So my first sexual experience was painful, losing my virginty to the other guy was horribly painful. I guess it was like rape, but I never really talked about it because when I spoke of it to my mother she didn't believe that it went from willing to unwilling. Then I just wasn't sure if it was a rape. There was another time that I wasn't sure. this man had "fallen for me" and I wanted nothing to do with him...I won't go into detail but when he got what he wanted, it well, I laid there screaming in my head. It was a weird parent child thing I was 19 and he 19 years older than I. There were times I tried to get away but couldn't. My parents don't know how bad it really was and still don't know.

I commend you on your honesty and openess. You seem to be able to have some insight also. I still think that a professional should be dealing with this stuff tho. We are just the peanut gallery.
Because the site is dedicated to marriage and what to do for a healthy one that will be most ppls focus. Any strange or bad behavior will be pointed out promptly and the advice will be pointed to helping your marriage specifically. I hope you understand that very deep internal issues you might have are outside our scope for the most part even if we try to understand.

Whats good about this is that you will both have to search your hearts and souls to see what is getting in the way of good marrige practices and emotional bonding. Sort of like wishing you could be a lawyer but when you started school finding out your math skills were not up to par. You have to be taught math first before you can be a lawyer.
Unfortunatly you are learning these things after damage has been done. Fortunatly you are learning them. Its not the mistakes we make that define our character but how we deal with them. Keep asking questions and demanding that you can fix your marriage, thats a good thing. Be sure to study here and seek the MB concepts as a way to have a healthy Marriage. The guy knows how to help and he will give you the tools you and your Hubby will use the rest of your lives.

Your actions or hubbys actions and what drove you guys to how you interact will be brought into question by posters here and probably by any good counselor. If you can't explain yourself or sound like you are making excuses you will be called on it. So what do you do? Go to counselors and find out why you have done or want to do things you now know are dangerous to yourself and those who love you. You can o0nly do that when you yourself know what they are and agree that those things need be gone from your life. One step at a time.

Hang in there w2

I am trying to sort out why I had the As in the first place...I just don't know where to turn...I will be going to a counselor on Thu. I just don't know where to start. There's so much I think I could write a book. All of this led up to the issues in my marriage. I mean just look at the baggage, I can't believe I am walking upright.
And then when I think of hubby's baggage..whoa, two people drowning in their pasts. Once we get through this and work it all out I think we are perfect for each other.
SSO, I really think you have my hubby pegged. Intimacy is almost non existant with us.
I was talking with hubby last night and trying to be gentle about the As. I asked him if he wanted to know their identities as best as I could remember and that's when he told me he had addresses and pictures. I was kind of shocked and he told me he showed three pictures to me. I do not remember that at all. I kind of doubt he knows because when I told him he had waited on one he gave me this look and asked me how did I know and I said I wasn't completely sure if it was the same person because I wouldn't look at him, but I had pulled in the parking lot right behind him...I told him the thought of him waiting on these people made me want to just vomit. I feel like they get something sick out of him waiting on them. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke!
I really wish I had never done this. The best thing about this is I really think that hubby wants to salvage our marriage, I think he must sense that I am sincere...either that or he just doesn't want another failed marriage under his belt.

"I wouldn't look at him, but I had pulled in the parking lot right behind him...I told him the thought of him waiting on these people made me want to just vomit. I feel like they get something sick out of him waiting on them. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke"

Sounds as if a move far away from all the OM would do the both of you good.

Hopefully moving this summer...anyone want to buy a house?