What I learned to do when I want to disarm the enemy in person, I greet them warmly and give a firm two-handed handshake. Hold their right hand with both hands. Just for a second.

"Hello counselor. I am looking forward to getting this settled today."
Then, walk to your side.



Do you think WH wants the guns for himself? Perhaps that's the only purpose of this stupid RO?
Weird.

Well, I never fired my guns. They were kept in my closet, unloaded and locked. I bought mine for self defense. My WH and son used to take thiers out and target practice. What really upsets me is that under the RO I could have sold them; except the D order says I can't sell anything, so I had to give them to the Sherriff. Thousands of dollars worth.

I also have an email that my WH sent me in the summer, before he left (but he told me he had planned this since summer). He was convinced that I was cheating on him with one of the fighters from our gym and wrote...

"I would never go to the gym again, if oneo f them is boning
you, I have some pride, so what some of them can kick my [censored], but I
could shoot htem from 500 yars before they thought of it. If I got them
down on the ground I could rip out there throats, but you cant do that
in MMA, it is a sport to some degree with rules"

I never threatened either my WH or the OW...but could I use this to show that he is threatening?

I did that with his attorney. I shook her hand and said "pleased to meet you"; although it was a one handed shake...She did look shocked. My son was there and he held the door for her and when she dropped her notebook he picked it up for her. He went to throw my gum away before court began and stood up addressing the court and said, "please excuse me". I could hear comments from the whole courtroom at how polite he was.

Yes, I think he wants the guns...but they are included in our agreement. Mine and my sons are registered in WH name and WH prized guns are registered in mine. The order says that we each get the guns and ammo registered in our own names. The ones in my name; although only two, are much more valuable than all the ones in WH name. We had verbally agreed to transfer ownership to each other. But if the RO is approved...I'll never be able to get his guns back. But, he will have the guns my son worked so hard for...

Mee too, but he won't ever see his fav guns again..that is why I kind of thought it more about getting something my son wants.

I'm having an especially hard time today. I think of all the cruel mean things he has done and know that I'm probably better off. Maybe it's just V-day, but why do I feel so sad?

I've been so strong this last week. What really keeps running through my head is what he has said over and over, "I don't really want to do this, but i feel I have no choice". What does that mean? Did he cheat and get her pregnant?

If that is the case; Oh I can't even think about it, it would hurt so much. I got pregnant when we were first together, but I had a miscarriage. I was in ER all night, it was awful. I was supposed to work inthe morning and had my H call my work letting them know I couldn't be there and why. They didn't believe it, so when I left the ER I went in to my work and gave them a piece of my mind and quit.

Recently he told me, "you can't even hold down a job!". Which is so untrue. I have never been fired from a job. We moved a lot thought because of my H military career and govt career and some places were very remote and there just weren't jobs available. I asked him what he meant by that and he mentioned the job I quit because of the miscarriage. It really hurt me.

I wanted to get pregnant again, but my H thought his daughter would be hurt if I did. I figured I have a boy and a girl, so I guess it's okay. Now he's gone and I just turned 40. I'll never trust again, so there no way I'll ever have a child again. This just isn't how I pictured my life. I've worked so hard in support of him so that we could be where we are; geez when we met he had less than nothing; a bankruptcy, no credit and drove a broken down Geo metro (nothing wrong with that) but it just seem like we have been climbing this unsurmountable mountain and right when we were about to reach the top he threw my son and I off a cliff.

So, I should hate him right? Why am I crying then?

I'm so sad. When does this pain stop?

I spoke to my counselor this morning and was feeling better. Then this overwhelming sadness came over me. I check my emails...and ugh! My H had put a restraining order against me for the exposure letter, then he recently agreed to drop it...well his lawyer wrote me saying the court denied it. I asked her what the reasoning was...no response. I'm feeling like this was OW decision and the dismissal was never put forth.

Hot ans cold...off and on...up and down we go. I am in tears and just can't take any more crap.

Each time I start feeling strength, he crushes me down.

Hi EAM,

I am sorry your've been having a bad time while I was away {{{hugs}}}

The pain of betrayal is IMO the cruelest of all. I hope that you can soon go to a plan B and remove yourself from the hurt.

The comment about "I don't really want to do this, but i feel I have no choice" could mean alot of things...OW demanding it, society expects it (D the wife and M the lover), you won't allow him to have you both...who knows whats going on in a waywards mind really?

A good friend of mine who is currently D-ing her STBXWH told me that he is still telling her she should have let him come back last year when he told her he would come home but only for the kids, only in a seperate bed and still being allowed to keep OW as a friend with benefits and he TRUELY cannot understand why she didnt jump at the offer then, won't jump at the offer now, and wants to D him dumb *ss wayward.

How are you doing today?

Thanks Lil...I think you're right! I am plan B, and am only working out D details through the attorney.

I'm doing better today Pep; thanks! The judge dropped the RO; thank God! I talked to my counselor today...it was good..I told him I felt there was a hole inside me...he said that although that hole is painful it represents freedom. I'm still sad, but not as sad as I was. I still miss him, but he isn't him; at least not anymore or not right now. I still love the person I knew, the person he is somewhere inside, butI won't allow him to hurt me any longer. Not to say I won't have bad days still or have sadness, but there is now a wall between his drama and I.