OM are such dramaqueens! If he is going to commit adultery, he should be gurl enough to face the consequences.

Where did you get this information?

My IM just called to tell me that WW called him to tell me that she has scheduled a moving company to come by our house on Saturday at noon and that she will need 2-3 hours prior to that to pack everything up. She says that her counselor also recommends that the kids not be here during this packing up and moving.

I told him that I did not have a response for her yet.

Does she have a court order? Without that, I would not let her take any property until there is a court ordered property settlement other than personal effects. She can't just start dismanteling your childrens home according to her whim.

I would not let her take a stick out of your house - other than personal effects - without a court order. Nor would I let her in the house. Have the IM email her and tell her that she is welcome to take personal effects, but she can send a list and you will box them up this weekend and have them sent to her.

BUT.... she cannot come in the house.

Since her name is on the mortgage and the property tax rolls, doesn't she have the right to come in, especially here in Texas (community property state)?

As usual, MelodyLane has the best response.

Do it. Don't ask, don't equivocate. Just do it.

You are STRONG, gnirlos.

Do it!

She already did some dismantling when she moved out earlier in the month...<still annoyed about the washer & dryer>...

Based on phone records, today she's been talking my cousin (a local county sheriff's officer) and the divorce attorney that he recommended to her back in July.

I would get an attorney and get yourself protected, gn, she can't just come in and start taking furniture without a court order.

Ok guy, you are now going to have to lawyer up. She has, you MUST.

Just for the record, here is the Texas legal deal on community property:


I don't know if there is a specialist lawyer or legal firm in Austin that just handles husbands. There is one in Dallas.

Read all about it - lots of information out there on the subject of Texas divorce.

I am not a Lawyer. I do suspect she cannot just come over with movers and take whatever she wants. She can take her personal belongings and personal property (as defined and you agree). Community property division is something that the court does.

What you do is get a lawyer who will then work to protect your rights AND you keep singing the song of reconciliation. You might have to file a motion attesting that you will protect all of the community property in a place where it currently sits pending the division per the court, or some such legal strategy.

I am still very interested in what you got back from your email blast. As I was certain, the email blast to all of the associates of pond scum has hit a home run.

It is common to believe that Texas is a no fault state and it is. It is also a FAULT state. You CAN file for adultery.

And by so doing, can call on OM to testify.

There all sorts of things up in the air. You are subject to spousal support, a form of alimony pending divorce. It is a real hair ball, which of course, benefits the divorce bar.

Or not if all parties to the divorce agree.

I would like to just point out to you that if she looks like she is going to spend big bucks, unless she is well funded by parents or her job, it is likely to be the karate guy doing the funding. So you benefit from a fault filing since this would allow you to show harm from his spending and also would help his wife really tighten the noose.

The more heat OMW puts on him, the better.

You maintain that you are defending your home and family, especially the kids. Attitude is everything in the deal the way it is going down now.

Get a lawyer first thing tomorrow and hopefully a really good one.

Finally, I really would be interested in seeing some of the stuff you got back from the email blast. If you can not comfortable posting, send it to my email.

Larry

Hokay, just a couple of questions.

Does pond scum make big bucks?
Does his wife work?
What is OMW attitude?
What do the kids think?
What is the attitude of in-laws?
What is attitude of your folks?

So far, getting help from a deputy sheriff cousin and "seeing" a lawyer does not show big bucks. But that might happen if OM decides to make you "Pay."

That's ok because that will set him up a fall.

Tell your kids you are fighting for your family and marriage and the kids.

Tell the rest of your family, like kids, in-laws, parents, extended family, all of them, that you are fighting for your family and marriage. Make that your mantra. When someone asks you how, tell them read SAA.

Make OM the demon, pond scum, the devil. Which he is.

BTW, it worked for me. My FWW thinks of OM as a user/abuser. I have a story to tell, but now is not the right time. Uh, for many reasons, the sands have started shifting again at Larry's place.

Finally, never underestimate the ability of a wayward to mind screw themselves. Smart thinking affairs is an oxymoron. It may not work out for you, but at the end of the day, you have to look in a mirror and believe that you did everything by the book to keep your marriage together.

Larry

ITA. You might be able to claim abandonment since she left.

Selected Quotes from the FB exposure:

Positive

• "I�m so sorry to hear this. I haven�t seen OM for about 13 years. I would have thought over time he would have wised up, or OMW would have dumped him. It�s hard to believe neither has occurred!"
• "for some reason i am not surprised by this........."
• "Im sorry to hear this news but it doesnt take me by surprise, my son has been a student of <karate assocation> for years and this is not the first time or the first woman. Ive suspected this happening all along. It greatly saddens me for you and your family. Its a shame that he would possibly cause problems in 2 or more marriages. I am sorry for your news and I hope that your family gets through this misfortune."
• "Dude....... how innocent can you be? It's been goin' on ALOT longer than you think....
  Haven't you ever heard the snide remarks and laughing that goes on..... and the work "conqubine" .....
  That is what OM does.... his own daughter caught him in the act with one of the brown belts....
  Whoever he is runnin' with and travelin' with ... is who he's "screwing" ....
  Many people have left the organization because of him "hittin' on" ... their wives or daughters.....
  AND....... there's been way more than 2 or 3......
  probably hundreds....
  All the karate men.... used to compete ... on who had the most conquest........
  He is no friend to marriage....... especially his own......
  but OMW has put up with it all these years....
  Best wishes.....
  And ... THIS is between YOU & ME........"
• "First off I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Honestly, I don't know OM very well but I have been in your shoes with an ex-wife. It kills. Wish you the best. I know your heart hurts."
• "Im sorry to hear that sir. I have been there before and I can feel your pain. Please be strong and think wisely. Anger may get the best of us sometimes. Im sure you will do the right thing. Wish you all the best sir from California."
• "Sick news...but hope and prayers for you. This is something I have dealt with my whole life, but will never seem to understand. People who expect self control should have some."
• "I am so sorry to hear that. I remember you in one of the dinner night we have together."
• "You are younger and better looking than OM, I bet you that if you try to win her back, it will not take great convincing."

Neutral

• "What is the evidence?"
• "You should go to <a site for karate competitors> and write that in the discussion forum. Just don't say to anyone i told you to go please. Sorry to hear that sucks."
• "I am so very sorry for whatever you are going through. But I do not believe this is an appropriate forum and way to address. Thank you."
• "I am sorry to here that, if I were you in my IMHO, and we don't know each other, I would take the evidence to a lawyer, transfer your assets quietly, divorce and do his wife. I am sure she would be compliant.
  This happened to me but not with him. It took a while but transferring money out of your accounts into a family member and saying you spent it in grief, and load her down with debt using her credit cards tied with her SS#. And then do nasty stuff to his wife.
  2 wrongs don't make a right but they may teach a lesson.
  I feel for you man."
• "OM has been a friend of mine for years. The things you are accusing him of are very serious and jeopardizes many relationships. Not sure why you felt you should involve everyone publically in what should be a private matter if it actually happened anyway."

Negative

• "Why did you post this s**t on my fb"
• "Please do not include me in future updates about your personal affairs!"
• "If this is true, I can imagine you are very upset but.... there would be 2 people to blame for this not just one. I do not want to be a part of this, so don't email me ever again!"
• "And I hope you sent this email to your wife's friends as well."
• "I am no advocate for OM and I am no longer part of the ASK (I friend pretty much anyone on facebook.) But I think this letter was a huge mistake on your part - not only are you setting yourself up as a target for OM's friends, but you make it pretty clear that you don't think of women as equal partners with their own free will (which, as a woman, I find offensive). I don't know you or your wife and I find your letter and its intent offensive. do not contact me again."
• "Your snickers of pretend grief are apparent in your tactics of sending letters to everyone you can get a hold of. Did you send a similar note out to your wife�s entire friends list? Handle this privately with your wife. She is the one that made commitments to you. Come on dude, don't solicit support from me for your campaign. In regards to this matter I am demanding that you to leave me, my students, and my associates out of it."

OM is in trouble financially. The national karate tournament that he ran at the end of January brought in some cash, but he had already spent it in advance. He sold a major portion (if not all) of his deer breeding business two weeks ago to pay more bills. He's not all that good at money management. WW is being funded by her dad, who does have deep pockets, but who also said that he didn't want our marriage to end. So, it's a little conflicted on what's really going on. It could be that my BiLs and SiLs are providing money.

OMW and her DDs moved him out of their house over the weekend. Then she went out of town with a friend. I have not heard from her since Sunday and had to query her DD20 last night to see if OMW was okay.

No. He makes enough to get by.

Yes.

She's on full-speed-ahead Plan D...at least, the last time I talked to her (see above).

They aren't really talking. Coincidentally, last night, DD14 and I watched an episode of her favorite show ("Make It or Break It"). On the show, one of the mothers had an affair and the dad moved out, after the mom confessed (or was caught? I couldn't tell and I didn't see last week's episode.). This episode the daughter asked the mom, "Is Dad coming back home?" "I hope so." "Does he still love you?" "I don't know." I took this as an opportunity to remind DD14 that, when you are married, you are not allowed to have boyfriends and that I still loved her mom and wanted her to come home.

From what I can tell, at this point, they are totally behind WW.

My mom won't have anything to do with WW. They both support me and the kids. They did say that they were not comfortable with the idea of being my IM, when I asked them as I implemented Plan B.

<duplicate post>

gnirlos, so it sounds like the OM is known for this? You did a great job in your exposure!

Did you see our comments about not allowing her come in the home and wipe it out? Do not let her in to do that.

Yes, and I so informed my IM, who so informed her. Neither of us has received a response from her since, although I know that she has read the email.

gnirlos:

So now you know. Pond scum has run a den of sin for years. This would mean he knows exactly how to seduce a target who is vulnerable and probably, almost certainly, is adept at the selection process. Before you get upset with yourself, keep in mind that Harley says we are ALL vulnerable.

A male or female who understands the 15 steps to an affair can move a target down the road easily. And this guy is a serial seducer who has had ample opportunity in the past to perfect and discover techniques that work. Many, many years ago, I used to take delight in telling guys like pond scum that his target had three brothers who were professional wrestlers.

If you want to read 15 steps, Pep posted it recently. After my own wife read it, she had to go puke. This was five years ago. 15 Steps has been around a while.

Anyway, let me tell you another one. Some time back, we had this couple on here called cruise (wife) and I forget his handle. He was having trouble committing but wouldn't leave. It was a real limbo situation. Wife had a brief affair with a cruise crewman during the early days of their marriage.

Now wouldn't you know it, along comes an ex-crewman who discusses the culture of seduction that is part of the cruise industry. His post was all about keeping score and techniques.

Before you go throw up, be strong, I have more for you.

You have unearthed a powerful tool to possibly save your marriage. Nobody likes to be thought of the fool. And nobody likes to think of their wife, husband, daughter (or son) being taken advantage of by serial pond scum. Your wife will not want to believe it; it is different THIS time. But the facts will eat on her. And it will cause tension, major tension between her and pond scum. Driving wedges between affairees is a good thing.

You just have to figure out if you want to reveal and how. I want you to think about it and how you might use what you now know. I will save my suggestions until you have a chance to reflect.

You might want to send an apology email to the neutral and negative types. If the positive responses absolutely nailed the guy, there could be a suggested email to send.

"My apologies for emailing you.

"As I discovered, the situation I described to you is only the latest in a long string. I thought you might want to know. At times, we are all vulnerable in life, and the last thing we need is a serial predator in our midst.

"I will not email you again."

Now think about it. How would this knowledge influence your wife and her parents? You might want to invite comments by forum members how to use this valuable and powerful tool.

Larry

gnirlos:

Before you get into a confrontation with your wife this coming Saturday, especially if it is backed up by cousin Deputy, you probably want to get at least some guidance from a lawyer, right?

Larry