MM


For me Plan B

Rest from the fight of A and alcoholism.

I didn't cause it-I cant cure it-I cant control it.

Show my DD16 this is not the way M should be.

I'm on a time out

Nesre

Thanks, will need to consider.

BUMP

Bump because Schoolbus was on this morning.

Spoke to his aunt this morning, she thinks that he has simply made up his mind and says save yourself.

BUMP up for SCHOOL BUS

Okay, I will comment in red for you. Pay close attention to the third paragraph, because in this case, that's what this letter is allllllllll about. I don't know what you and OW's H did, but you really got to him. You hit him very hard with it, and he took it to heart. He does try to say he didn't, but he DID. Good job on it, whatever it was.





PARAGRAPH ONE I have a couple of questions for you. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that OW and I might actually love each other? People fall in love all the time. I have told you repeatedly what and who I want. OW has told OW H as well. Yet because its not what you want to hear its automatically wrong and our feelings can't be real. Why? Basically introductory. He is using rhetorical questions to attempt to declare love for OW. This is purposeful in nature, because paragraph three is the true nature of this letter. He does this opening paragraph unwittingly, by the way. I doubt he realizes that the nature of the letter actually is anger and outrage at your bomb hitting directly on-target. This paragraph opens as defensive toward the affair - however, the language is weak in terms of the structure. He uses rhetorical language when a more direct approach would have been much stronger.

Don't you think a declarative "I LOVE MY OW MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, AND YOUR ATTEMPT TO SEPARATE US WILL NEVER WORK," would have been more effective?


PARAGRAPH TWO
What is it you to are trying to hold on too or is it the fear of change? Do you really feel it would be better to stay with someone who is in love with someone else than accept change?
I know we handled this whole thing badly and we have hurt both you and OW H. But explain to me what you to are doing with all the stories? Exposure is getting to me. Do you feel that by causing stress and pain to the rest of our families will change the way OW and I feel about each other? Or is it simply revenge? Every time you guys have tried to destroy our relationship with half truths and lies she and I have grown stronger. I have tried to tell others that what you say is half-truth and lies. So far this hasn't worked, but I'm giving it my best shot. You told me about all the people who lost respect for me. You might want to open your eyes. At first this was true And by the way, this is still getting to me, so I am going to try to hit you hard with something, and here it comes but with what you and OW H have been doing has changed that perception. So I hit you back now, and somehow it wasn't really hard enough, because whatever it is that you and OWH did, it has cut me to the core, and my family and friends now know something REALLY ugly and that just is killing me. My family, most of the guys at work and even some of your own friends find your actions pathetic at best! Just so you know, when someone tells you your actions are "pathetic", it usually means they are trying to brush you aside as ineffective to them because whatever you did has been like a nuclear bomb to them and they have no ability to respond. So their response is to act as though you didn't hurt them at all - they call you "pathetic" in an attempt to paint you as weak and ineffective, when in fact you have struck them a mortal blow.

PARAGRAPH THREE - THE MONEY SHOT
Last night you two decided to take your frustration out on OW by telling me how she is playing both sides. My guess is you told him that OW is telling her H she loves her H, and your H that she also loves him. In other words, she is a cake-eater. Big surprise? My love for her doesn't allow me to believe that. In other words, "I don't want to believe that, I can't believe it, because if I do I am a complete and total idiot who is being used. So I will cling to my knight in shining armor role for a little longer. Although, truth be told, I actually DO believe it. I have known for awhile now. Look at my weak argument in paragraph one - because paragraph one contains the words of a WOMAN...guess who has spoken these words to YOUR HUSBAND? Let's just suppose for a moment it was true. Who will get hurt? I will!!!!! I would think you guys would be over joyed at the thought of that so why warn me. I am crushed that the two of you can see me at my weakest point in life, that my secrets are out there for all to see, and that I am now poised for the greatest crash I will ever take, and that it will be PUBLIC and on display. I don't know that I will be able to do this, and to think that my WIFE will be laughing at me. I have no chance. ---- See note at bottom. Just makes me realize its another one of your stories and half truths. I am going to hold out the hope that maybe my OW will change her mind. I am weakly optimistic, but already know my fate.


PARAGRAPH FOUR
You call me a coward for not wanting to talk to you and OW H. I have offered to talk to OW H if he wants to. Why would I want to talk to you. I have told you what I want and how I feel. That makes me a coward because I don't want to stand there and be belittled and insulted? I am actually open to talking to you, but not in the way we have talked in the past. I am afraid of what I might have to hear, and the way we have communicated in the past has not been effective. Hell I put up with that for 12 years. Why would I go back for more? This is an open question - do you notice that he leaves it open and unanswered - where the other seemingly rhetorical questions were answered? He is actually asking for an answer to the question - what is there back there for me? I wish you and OW H all the happiness in the world for your future but please stop.

PARAGRAPH FIVE Why do you insist on making me hate you? In the end hating you makes everything I am doing a whole lot easier I don't really hate you yet. It would be easier if I did, but...there is something here. I am angry, but hate isn't here. so I guess I owe you two a big Thank you!

PARAGRAPH SIX
You keep asking me when they are going to serve you papers. Again I am telling you THEY won't. I asked them not too! I will do that myself. Does that make me a coward too? Calling him a coward was not a good idea. Apologize honestly as soon as you can. This will go a long way with him - this stuck with him and is motivating him. Anyway the rough draft will be emailed to me an Monday. After I review it I will send it to you probably on Wednesday so you can take it to your attorney for review.
By the way to save you some time I had already told my aunt about us and Mom told Grandma and Grandpa last night. Anyone else I can notify for you just let me know.
You told me you were not coming home until Sunday night. Well unless you are in a big freakin hurry just wait until Monday morning. I will be gone by then and you can have the house to yourself! I gave you your space when you asked so give me mine! Feel free to share this with OW H as you seem to share everything else.
He believes that the affair is being broken up by exposure and that the OW is cake-eating. He already knew that, even before whatever you and OWH did. He sees the public knowledge as very difficult to overcome. Your WH is a very proud man, and this publicity has hit him hard.

The note above is to let you know that he thinks that after what he has done there is absolutely no hope. I think he is filing paperwork because the threat of being a coward to do so has pushed him toward that, as well as being combined with the idea that he will take a very public crash soon leaves him NO OPTION TO GO HOME.


If you want to save this marriage, he must believe he has an open-hearted woman who will take him back, no matter what, and work on the problems that created the situation in the marriage that led to the conditions for an affair to occur. He has to believe you CAN AND WILL forgive him.

He has to believe that you want the marriage, and HIM, in spite of all of it.


Right now, he doesn't believe it. And he thinks he is going downhill in front of everyone.


Schoolbus

Thank you

Ok, to start a line of dialogue I emailed this to him:
[/color]Despite all the horrible things that are going on and have been said; I truly do not think you are a coward. I just wish that you could talk to me again.
I hope you have a nice birthday tomorrow.

[color:#000000]
Here was his repsonse:
[color:#FF0000][/color]Thanks for the Bday wish! Have a good weekend!

Can anyone interpret that?

On my phone, so brief.
His response lacked sarcasm/anger.
Almost sounded relieved.

so that is good right?
I still feel clueless to all of this.

It sounds like you hit the right note w/ him.

You used the stick in plan A when you and OMH exposed the A. And now you gave him the carrot side of Plan A.

Yes, it is good.

schoolbus, thank you so much for doing this. Each time you do this for one person, you help many more. Thanks again.

and my next move should be????
Just leave it at that and wait until I see him next weekend? Email him something else?
Since I am not there and have not spoken to OWH, I have no idea what is going on or if he is going to see her, I assume he is since it is his b-day.

Assume that he is going to see her. In the meantime, do some self-pampering. Hair, facial, manicure, pedicure, nice bubble bath...and maybe a flattering new outfit. Take care of YOU, and look your very best the next time you see him.

No relationship talk with him. If he brings up the divorce, "lightly" tell him, with a smile, that you don't want to discuss it.

Make it brief, and then you be the first to leave, and make sure you leave on a friendly note.

Show him that you are the woman he fell in love with and married.

OK, thanks

I agree with this.....you did very well.....((((((mm))))))