My kids are exhausted.And they don't trust him much. The disappearances, the tone he takes wear on them.

My kids used to tell me that they HATED being left alone with WH while I was at work. I was using a VAR while I was gone and my DSx2 knew about it(they found it once). DS7 even was going to get it to show me how "MEAN" WH was. It gets to them. They "feel" what is going on. That's why they need to be told about things in an age appropriate manner.

You've got your Plan. Work it. Take care of yourself and your kids. You can do this.

Okay. That letter is a big help. It lets me see what I need to outline, because right now, my original opening would be "hey, you mothereffer". Which isn't super useful.

Because they've all met her, and they're smart little kids, they know what's up. My 14 year old asked me straight up what was up with " the blonder chick that kinda looks like a man and is a bad dresser". No lie. That's what she said.

That would be SO satisfying, though.

Sigh.

Word. It would feel so good.

And if you were in Plan F/U I would say LEAD with it. There are so many things I would/could do if I was in Plan F/U. Thankfully, I have people here who are experts on the other way.

I like getting the advice to be evil in a LOVING way.

My DSx2 met POSOW on XMAS day(arggghhhhhh I HATE THIS). Even worse is that THEY LIKE HER. They say she is nice and she plays with them sometimes. ARGHHHHHHHHHH I SUPER DOOPER HATE THAT.

I raised good kids and now I wish I had MONSTERS. HEHEHEHEHE.

You'll be okay. We'll be here for you. Don't do anything rash without asking on here first and getting some GOOD MB advice on what to do.

Okay. Called the dad again, no answer. Am thinking I should go to his office and see him face to face, and try that? Could email- but am worried there would be a an electronic trail.

If he isn't helpful, do I need deniability?

Is this good or bad thinking?

My dad is going to help me with keylogger early this week. So there's that.

Scotland- my kids didn't like her. Probably because she's so young,and she was trying so hard with them,and they are pretty good people readers. They all knew something was off.

I have a question- with the gaslighting- even when you find out just how long you've been tricked, and you know this person isn't worthy of trust, is it still hard to see the truth? I know he's lying. I know that. But the stories can be so good, that it makes me stumble, at the time. When I leave his presence, it's straight in my head and I see it. But at times, stuff seems plausible.

Ugh. I really resent this.

Well, I will tell you kind of briefly what happened to me.

Oct 07 I felt like something was "off" I accused WH of being involved with someone(not POSOW)

Nov 9/07 119pm(yes it was a BIG moment in my life)- I received a phone call from a girl at my WH's work. This is what I remember of the phone call.

"Hello."
"Hi. I just wanted to let you know that WH is making a fool out of you at work."
"Okay"
"WH goes on breaks and lunches with a girl named POSOW. They spend time alone in her car. He leaves work early to be with her. Just ask WH about POSOW."
"Okay"

I was a little shocked. I didn't know what to say except OKAY.
I called WH and he came home from work. It was a Friday and we had the whole weekend to talk. He wanted to email POSOW to WARN her what was being said at work. WE emailed her together and she responded. POSOW and I became FRIENDS on Facebook.

There was a lot of tension in my M and I did A LOT of LB. I was insecure and VERY jealous. I wanted to believe WH. He couldn't lie to me before.

Dec-Jan 08 there were a couple of phone calls that I found out about. I called POSOW and we talked and she apologized. Then, it was "we're JUST FRIENDS" "She isn't my type. She is nowhere near as high on a level in my eyes as you."

Jan 08 I found a box of condoms in the car hidden under the driver's seat. Major but what did I do? Love bust some more. AO all over the place.

Mar 08- Wh told me he was going out to play pool. I had a funny feeling. Checked PAYG cell phone and some minutes were used. I KNEW. I had a friend drive me to find him and I did AT POSOW's APARTMENT. I called POSOW and said, "can I speak to my HUSBAND please?" That is the first day I met POSOW. What was the "reason" they gave me? POSOW was having problems with her bf(MY response, "Yea the problem with her bf is that he is married to ME") Not a pretty sight and WH actually was mad at ME. Told me POSOW was going to get kicked out of her coop because of what I DID.

May 08 I broke the cell phone. I was sick of the lies of contact. Then we got new phones.

May 08- Mar 09 Many LB's done by me and many many times i had a "feeling" that something wasn't right. Our SF started going down. I logged on to our cell acct online and saw increased and frequent calls from WH to POSOW. I BLEW UP. I met POSOW again. It was BAD. She was so smug. She even said, "Do you really think WH would have stopped talking to me?" I wanted to smack her. I got up the strength to go away for a night to "think". I found my courage. I didn't care whcihc way this went I wasn't going to be lied to. WH BEGGED me to come home and begged me not to leave.

Apr08-Aug 08- WH went out a lot and I am sure that he went out with POSOW. WH went away for a weekend of training way up north. He barely even called us. I now know POSOW was there with him.

Sep 20/09 WH gives me the I love you but I'm not in love with you. Then in convo I ask, "Have you ever thought about leaving." He says, "yes" and that's that.

Oct 30/09 I find MB. That same night WH goes to a party and stays out all night long with no phone call. I now know that he was with POSOW. I start Plan A.

Nov 27th/09 I install a keylogger after advice from MB forum. I go out and come home at 1230am. I log on to the keylogger site and I read chats from my WH to POSOW. The one that got me was, "That's why I want to do other things with you, so it's not just about sex." Then there was a lot of "I love you. You are so cute. You want me to want it MORE. How could I when I want it 24/7 already?" This KILLED me. But now I knew for sure. There was NO DOUBT. He found the keylogger and deleted it after only 2 hours, but it was enough.

Knowing my enemy(the adultery) was my first step in making my plan and dealing with what I wanted to do.

I know this is a long post. It really is brief compared to what I remember from all of that time. I am an elephant that way.

My WH didn't trick me? I tricked ME. I convinced myself that what I could clearly see was not what it was. Your WH wasn't a good liar, You were a good believer.

I never thought of it that way. I was a good believer. I can't fathom personally lying or doing what he's done, so I accepted way too much. It's definitely an issue with me.

Okay.

So- her dad is gone for the next two weeks. On a vacation somewhere, according to his work.

Sister is in NY- I contact her next, I guess?

My dad is coming to help with the keylogger- and then I should get some good information. I bought a VAR, waiting for it to be delivered, then I've got to figure out how to get it in his car. Or maybe I should put it in his office. I definitely can have easy access to that, and hide it there.

Keylogger's on. I feel sick knowing that I did it, and worrying about him finding it, but we checked for over an hour, and cannot find it without my password sequence.

Found out this afternoon that a phone he was paying for, for her, still works. Have been promised a million times that it doesn't work. It does. She answers.

FIL told me that there was a huge overage charge on corporate phone bill for the last month. At first, I thought, maybe it was a cancellation charge for her phone, but notsomuch since it works.

He's caught.

Working on letter, right now.

Going to throw up.

I am so sorry, Ridic! Knowing in your heart is one thing. Knowing in your mind is excruciating.

God's Blessings,

Say

Rid- I'm sorry you have to see it firsthand and I know how much that hurts. What helped me is to think that this person wasn't my spouse, but the alien.

Hang tough.

Okay. Here's my plan.

I have drafted a plan b letter.

I have drafted a letter to the other woman, including texts he sent me, and a screenshot of his membership in a married people seeking other partners website ( yep- he's a winner).

I have drafted an exposure to letter that will go to family and friends of both of them.

I am waiting on him to answer one email from her, and I am totally hoping he does it at work, so then I can hand him packed bag, plan b letter, and get on with it.

Then I send the otehr communications, correct? As the door shuts on him?

I am struggling on the general exposure letter.

What do I say that doesn't start with whorey-whore and scumbucket are going at it and lying to everyone they've ever met?

My letter something like

To all friends and family of whorey and scumbag,

Over the past 9 months whorey and scumbag of Sydney, Australia, have been having an affair. It is mainly text based and no contact has been made yet, but if given the cance whorey has confided that she would consumate their love. In fact she claims to no longer love me, but love him instead.

This causes me pain, anguish....[bunch of other emotinos and description of what induces those feelings] to me, and my children.

I need your help in stopping this affair before is destroys my home. Please keep us in your prayers and provide all means in keeping whore and scumbag away from each other.

For a copy of their correspondence please email me back.

Your loving friend
Ridic!!

P.s. I included an attachment of several correspondence with grapic sexual text and all to her grandma. i would suggest them to request from you instead of just blasting it. Of course that really made her mad.

Also get ready for the fight of a lifetime, and have cameras, and recorders on hand to record it all. Protect yourself smile and don't fight back.....its tough not to.

If you look in my thread (Want new start-she doesnt - around page 8) I had posted my letter to OM's facebook friends/family. Sorry, I don't know how to link it.

I would also recommend drafting the letter when you are calm and not as angry/emotional. Just a suggestion. You don't want to come off as desperate or vindictive. You want to enlist their help and support in reaching your WS. I hope they can have some influence.

Hopefully Saynomore or Pep will be along to help soon as they are much better than I at helping.