The following posts are all a letter from my WW to everyone that exposed her to. I guess its one of the things I was not expecting, everything she says is true. How we allowed our marriage to get to this point? I don't know.

Spouse says I "forced her out by exposing her." I say she is welcome to stay. Invalid thinking.

Please let me tell you what and how I am feeling.

For a long time I new I needed help, first I was always praying and telling myself that "I love <Husband>, I love <Husband>" even after <Son>, I was terrified that my feelings for <Husband> was going away and it killed me as a person, wife, and mother. For so many years I felt like this from <Husband> and he knows this this is nothing new to him how I felt threw out our marriage that I wasn't good enough for him. I tried so hard for <Husband> to approve of me and every time he would give me his "smart comment" (know one notice his comments, I can be in a room full of people and he could say something that would hurt me, and know one would notice.) He knew when he was hurting me they were very subtle but taking it for 7 years built up inside me and destroyed everything I was trying to build. Every time he would do this, everything I had done that I thought was great disappeard, so I felt I had to try harder, even then he would still make me feel this way. I felt like he was raising the bar too high for me, and with all my strength I couldn't even touch it. At first when we first got married I was so madly in love with him that even tho it would hurt me I just blew them off, cause I loved him and he loved me. and I would say to myself "<Wife>, your silly its just something stupid and small, get over it." He was still such a great husband, he did everything for me...and yet for him doing everything for me made me feel like a "failed" person in life, because I had it in my head with all those great comments he would make towards me that I was never good enough.

Then our sweet <Son> came and boy oh boy was I happy, I was soo happy, I was a mother! He was my angle, he was the world to me. Then when <Son> was 4 months old I noticed that <Son> wanted daddy more then mommy, and I started to get jealous, I tried soo hard not to be jealous of that because come on? We all know that our kids love both of us the same right? I tried convincing myself for YEARS to get over this jealousy I had with <Husband>. Then those feelings of not being good enough came rushing back in, and the way <Husband> treated me I felt I was failing as a mother as well. <Husband> knows this as well, we talked about this about 9 months ago when I couldnt handle it any longer. He remembers the things he's said that hurt me, and he did admit that sometimes he did do that on purpose and sometimes on accident, and those times he did it on accident he knew what he did after he said them and apologized. But you see the damaged already took place. The damaged started even before we were married, but i was so in love with him that I didnt care, we all have our faults and I would love him know matter what. I know everyone loves <Husband> he's perfect! Great job, great kids, he's a great father, a great husband, who wouldn't want him? And I have been telling myself for so many years that "I love <Husband>, I love <Husband>" but I had know idea how much emotional pain I was in after we had <Son>, when that jealousy came it took the bar from a 10 to 100! <Husband> even admitted telling that he was pushing me away, he told me that I was meeting every "negative expectation" meaning that <Husband> did not expect me to do NOTHING!! And guess what? In his eye's that's what I was doing NOTHING, how would you feel living each day like the worst person in the world? The worst mother? The worse wife? When we first got married we learned that having high expectations in your spouse will ruin marriages, well they should have put haveing negative expectations will ruin marriages too. You will never experience <Husband>s meanness for yourself, unless you were on his bad side, and he will do it so sublty that know one will think anything of it, mom has experienced and Tracy has experienced it. And you know what? <Husband> knows when he is doing it.

I know <Husband> loves me, he tells me everyday, the day I knew my love was gone crushed me, I cried so hard that night, I remember it specifically! He tried kissing me and I felt nothing, it made me sick inside, I cried I felt like something was wrong with me, that I failed as a wife, how come I couldn't kiss my own husband? Was I crumbling so bad in the inside that I couldn't even love him anymore? Did I have so much resentment towards <Husband> that I couldn't even kiss him? And the pain I am giving him right now hurts me terribly, I cry for so many reasons, the pain I am doing to him, to my kids, to my spirituality, to my family, to my heavenly father. I know I need to stop talking to <OM2>, but he is the only person that makes me happy, I don't want you guys to blame <OM2>, or hate him, cause just so you know <OM2> is the one that told me to come back home. A couple weeks ago on a friday, <OM2> wanted to talk to me to tell me that he was leaving facebook and wow, so <Husband> and I can sort things threw, even in the beginning <OM2> told me that he did not want me to leave <Husband> for him, he wanted me to fix my marriage because I had kids, either that or at least say that I tried. And for the record I was never going to move to Australia, anyway well that day <Husband> came home early and notice that <OM2> and I were talking, I think it was only about 5 min that he started to tell me what he was thinking about doing to leave me alone. <Husband> got angry and kicked my out he bought plane tickets to las vegas, and I stayed in some hotel close to the airport. <Husband> thought that by doing this it would make me see what was going on, but he had know idea how I was feeling. The next morning <Husband> tried everything to make me come back home, I was at the airport for 6 hours waiting for my flight, then I get a message from <OM2> telling me that he didnt want me to go to las vegas and to go back home for one last shot, he said "do it for the kids" and within 10 min of <OM2> talking to me I told <Husband> to pick me up, I knew <Husband> was talking to <OM2> asking him to get me back home, he didn't know what else to do. But I was terrified of comming home, I was terrified of <Husband>, and he was terrified of me. I knew what would have happend if I came home, nothing would have changed, <Husband> would still be the good husband, dad, and person and I would still be the person that didnt do NOTHING, he would love me, and say nice things to me and bla bla bla. I know your probably thinking "so what? he's a nice guy?" well you didn't live with him for 7 years. I dont want to say that I was miserable for that whole 7 years cause I was happy, I truly was but over those years there was somthing eating my out from the inside, and I know exactly what it is.

When I knew I was not happy I did find someone else, I wasn't looking for anyone it just kinda hopped in my lap. A boy we played with started to txt me his name was <OM1>, and we talked for about 4 months untill <Husband> found evidence that it was seriouse, and it was such a relief to me cause I was thinking "ok, now we can start working on our marriage, everything will be fine now, we'll get help." I was so glad, because I thought finally we can do something about my unhappiness, the pain he gave me threw all these years. I was glad that that affair happened because then <Husband> would finally know I was unhappy, I mean how can you tell your spouse that you are not happy when you have a beautiful home? Kids? and a wonderful husband?? I felt like finally the door opened to fix this! I cut off with <OM1>, he was still on my facebook and it was hard for me to stop talking to him, but I did it, I knew what I was doing was right. By the way, while I was talking to <OM1> I was telling myself still "i love <Husband> i love <Husband>" I even told him that I loved my husband still, I knew full well that I would never leave <Husband> while I was talking to <OM1>. After we stopped talking <Husband> and I's communication was amazing I told him everything he was like my best friend, during this time thats when I found out about him having negative expectations for me, and he wanted to fix this. And so did I! We didn't go to the counselor just yet I told him give me 1 month and if we still need help then lets go. But I was in denial. And deep down I knew I needed help, by then I felt utterly destroyed, and I was afraid to get help, I felt like I deserved this, this emotional punishment I was giving myself.

I believe it was 3 months later when I started to talk to my good friend of 4 years about what was happening, he knew I was not happy threw the sounds of my voice while we played together as friends with other friends. He confided in me his relationship of 7 years,(he just got out of his 7 year relationship with his g/f she left him) and I told him what was going on with <Husband> and I, at first it was just friendship I didn't see him like that and he didn't see me like that. So then I started to be happy, cause i was confiding with someone with all this mess and I liked it. I couldn't stop, then I started to like playing with him more, and talking to him on facebook about other things like talking about our life when we were little etc. Then it was getting serious more serious then <OM1> in just 1 month of us talking. And I do understand the whole excitement, and the fantasy's, I don't really know why this all happened with <OM2> and why it happened, but it did and we fell in love. <Husband> knew what was going on, and I remember the first night I told him that I didn't love him anymore, I cried, and cried like I have never cried before until last night that is. Do you really think I wanted that to happen? If you truly think I ruined my marriage on purpose then you are lying to yourself. I know what I have done, and I am soo sorry that it caused so much pain to <Husband> and the family. I did not want everyone to know, because this is only between me, <Husband>, and the lord. Anyway, so <Husband> and I started to go to the counselor, I knew what I had to do, i had to cut all tie's with <OM2> but it killed me so much that I couldn't. He did stop calling, and put a time limit on the game, but there were other means how I could get a hold of him threw facebook. And so <Husband> blocked facebook, I was only allowed on facebook from 6-10pm. And so I was forced not to contact him at all with any means, at first I was so upset with <Husband> that I couldn't even see his face, but I figured that's what needed to happen. (this was last week) and all three of us knew it, it was just going to be hard. Since <Husband> blocked Facebook we only contacted each other maybe 3 or 4 times, and then it stopped all together, for three days we didn't contact each other. I was having a hard time and so mom suggested I talk to Rachael, so i called her up sunday night and told her pretty much everything, and she helped tremendously! I was feeling better, I knew what I had to do.....oh before I go on....

For the record for 2 months I have been reading the scriptures and praying to heavenly father to help me, do not think I was not trying because I was.

OK, so after I talked to Rachael that night I new that I had to fix myself before I fix this marriage, so that what I decided to do. The next day I made a whole list of what I needed to do that day, I played with the kids, turned off tv, taking care of the house, working extra hard in my business, it was great! yesterday was going to be my starting point on fixing this marriage and I felt great! Then the evening came, and I got a little sad, and quite (it happens, you start thinking about something, then bam! depression hits.) <Husband> tried comforting me and suggested I talk to Rachael, well my facebook was open and I got a msg from <OM2>, he just ask if I was doing ok, it took me 2 to 3 min to respond because I knew I was not to talk to him, but I figured since <Husband> was right here with me I could at least say I was ok and just log out of facebook, and I even told <Husband> this. Just tell him I'm ok and log. So I did, then <Husband> got on and started to cuss out <OM2> for msging me, I couldn't help but get upset I understand how <Husband> feels, but I told him that I was going to log so I don't have that temptation to keep talking to him. So I logged and called Rachael to help me.

While we were talking she was helping me out soo much, because I did feel like I can save this marriage, I knew in my heart that is what i'm supposed to do. We talked for maybe 2 hours, and I enjoyed every min, and I was feeling pretty good, I knew I was cutting it off with <OM2> and to stop, towards the end of the conversation I get a voice mail from nicole asking me to call her back, so I did feeling pretty good laying in bed, when she told me what <Husband> posted on Facebook I ran downstairs and yelled and screamed at <Husband>, he HAD KNOW IDEA how I was feeling!! He did not know what Rachael and I were talking about, he got mad that I told <OM2> I was ok and posted that on facebook, he did not know that I was feeling better after Rachael talking to me. I even told Rachael that night that I didnt want anyone to know because I didnt want everyone to call me, email me, message me, telling me how horrible of a person I am. I know what I did wrong and I was in the middle of fixing the situation when <Husband> did that to me. I never recall any of you post anything on facebook or emailed everyone you know that your spouse is cheating on you, what <Husband> did last night moved me backwards. I might have ruined the marriage but he's the one that ended it by telling all of our friends, and family. If he truely wanted me to stay he would not have posted that for all to see. And I dont care how much you think that was a great idea for <Husband> posting that, in my eyes that was THE LAST thing he could have done because the way I was feeling that day, I was getting help, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Right now I am angry, terrified, and emotionally distressed. I knew for a long time that I needed help we tried the counselor that didnt work, so I made an app with the pastor on SUNDAY to ask for help, and <Husband> knew this I told him, so again for him posting that for all to see pushed me backwards not forwards.

I dont care if he tells me that he regrets posting that on facebook, you know what? When I came back home I told him if he made me pack again I wont ever come back, and you know what he said? "I promise I will never do that again!! EVER!!" well guess what <Husband>? you did it by posting that on facebook, I told you that I did not want everyone to know becuase we were trying to fix this marriage, you could have waited untill after I LEFT if we couldn't get our marriage back together, but during it? Me trying so hard to get it back? NO WAY! I'm sorry, you knew exactly what you were doing when you posted it, I told you remember? That day when you were taking me to the hotel? Remember? If I had no hope for this marriage I wouldn't be here, and I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I know that you are in pain, but can you imagine 3 years of pain? With all the wonderful things you have done in this marriage still did not hide the fact the pain I was in, that you gave me. And I'm soo sorry that I hurt you, I did not want that to happen, and knowing that your in pain because of me, kills me, I cry at night knowing that! I'm sorry I know what I did wrong, and I was trying to fix myself, you only gave me ONE day to do that, and it was helping! And i'm sorry that I didnt stop the contact with <OM2> but can you blame me <Husband>? I am terrified! You scare me! What if you wont change? what if I WONT change? I'm scared, and I know what I need to do, I need to fix ME! And I can't do it while your around, I'm going to Colorado to stay with Sarah and I'm going to stay there until I'm fixed.

I am Broken,
<Wife>

What a load of fogbabble...

Great example of how it is my fault that she cheated. Yes, we had too many unresolved issued, but I don't think it is my fault that the kids have no relationship with their mom. It's not my fault that she decided to seek happyness somewhere else.

The fog is think, and trying to sway friends and family from the truth (I exposed her with 70 pages of conversations between her and the OM).

I did not reply because everyone else has the truth, and some, who have been in and out of the fog knowing what it is like, can see right through the BS. Life is hard so do something about it!

WS- I'm still amazed at how similar our situations are. I think this is fog justification. My WW sent her mom a similar 8-page manifesto trying to justify her A and behavior.

Wheels, am I correct in interpretting this: to mean that she sent this novel to EVERYONE you exposed to??

If so, relax. First of all, 95% of the recipients are not going to read the whole thing anyway. It's way too long. The 5% who do are most likely to be the busybody gossips of the bunch - as they don't have anything more important to do that read through this entire thing.

Secondly, it's a gigantic whine. The whole bit about her jealosy over your son actually makes her appear mentally disturbed. And all the stuff about your "subtle" comments that hurt and nobody noticed - well if someone is disturbed enough to be jealous of her son's affection for his father from infancy, it stands to reason that they are going to be hypersensitive about perfectly normal things and that THEY are the ones with the problem - not the person making the subtly hurtful comment to begin with.

If, for any reason, someobody asks you to explain yourself with respect to this, the answer is still clear. Whatever you did/didn't do in the marriage is still NO EXCUSE to cheat. Period.

And to your WW, point out this sentence: Your wedding vows required you to be faithful to one another. You never promised to lie to others and, as an honest man, you don't lie.

I wouldn't reply either. Your WW is taking anything and everything and twisting it to justify her A and behavior just like mine. Although there may be some truth to it, it is still twisted. There is never a good reason to cheat.

Now what are you going to do? If you still want the M, I would try to recommend continuing a long distance Plan A or think about Plan B.

I defer to the Vets on where to go from here though.

Does she know that she is borderline illiterate?

She has zero concept of what word to use where.

Using know for now, threw for through, my for me,

This is just standard WW babble justifying her affair.

Don't respond to WW's statements.

Many people have been asking me if she has mental issues. In the last few days I think a fog is lifting off my head and I am realizing that yes, she may suffer from depression that was never taken care of. I would love to suggest for her to get help with that, but...lol....how would it go?

I say: "Hey, I think you are suffering from depression and you should go to counseling for it, get help."

She may hear: "Your a crazy woman. Im not going to accept you while your crazy."

The most important point she makes in that entire diatribe is that she knew there were problems, but she did nothing to fix them. Every marriage goes through stages and if she thought for the rest of her life she was going to feel like she did when she fell in love with you at first, then she was very immature when she got married.

She sounds like she needs some serious counseling re: her lack of self-esteem. No one can MAKE her feel like nothing; that comes from the inside. She still made bad choices, confiding relationship information in a male friend. She needs to claim that she made a choice to have an affair and not try to blame you for it.

Whoa. I don't want to raise the bar too high for her, that is just to much.

Usually she has me proof read. I got really tired of proofreading everything a long time ago and just said, yup looks great babe.

Pariah, that is the nicest post I have ever read from you. Usually you point out the worst, but to call this WW a "borderline illiterate" was really very kind. Frankly, I would have omitted the word "borderline" myself...

Good point about the self esteem. I have bouts with low self-esteem and depression, but I know how to get away from those invalid thoughts. She often said that my encouragement sounded like I was bringing her down. Saying good job on the kitchen was interpreted as I wish you would clean the kitchen more.

When my XWH tore into our M and how bad it was, no love involved, on and on and on to justify his happiness by having an A (and pending M) with OW, I sent back this.

We were married and it was adultery.

The waywards can write a novel on how, why, and where to justify. It is wrong plain and simple.

Problem with the M -- you mend it you don't end it and start an A.

She writes EXACTLY like my XW does, a complete lack of education because she was too busy being the party girl with no concept of what comes past tomorrow.

lol...you do realize that she often yerns for the party life instead of a husband and kids? Pariah, your my hero, spot on.

Both conselors we went to said the same thing. "<wife> you are just a teenager. Grow up!" She didn't like what they said and wants a new one....poo poo.