Just show us your draft and we'll help you make it stronger.

I'm so sorry.
But, it's better to know, than not to know.

Pepper has a good point.

I went through and made sure that they couldn't hurt me financially, destroy my emails, or anything like that before I nuked. I changed passwords, made copies of evidence and mailed them out to a off site server, and anything else I could think of that my WW could use to hurt me and the kids. Think it through because you have no idea what will happen.

I am sorry Rid. Now that you know thou, you doubly have to listen to the people on here. There are going to be things that throw you in a HUGE tail spin. Stick with your plan. Do things that go with you goal. HUGS. I am sorry that you had to find out like this. These words will sit with you for a really long time. Don't let them rule your life. Don't get tempted to read them over and over again. I have them saved, but I do NOT look at them. I looked at them for the first week, but I knew that they were so hurtful that it was keeping me down. I still could tell you word for word what they say, but I don't look.

Stay strong. We are here for you. Get your plan and stick with it.

I've changed all passwords and things like that.

Financially, I am a SAHM, he could theoretically go in and clean out our checking account, but my FIL has told me he would fix that immediately if that happened.

I've told my friends to block him on Facebook ( he isn't friends with them, but there are three girlfriends of mine that I think he'd go after).

Draft of exposure:

Hello.

My name is RS. My husband, WH, has been having an affair with OW for the past 3 years.

We have been married for 15 years, and have four children, ranging in age from 14 to 7. I have been fighting for my marriage, with assurances from WH that he, too, was fighting for our marriage, and that OW was simply a distraction, a mistake, a bad choice.

I need to say that I was appropriately warned in this situation by OW's father, Good Dude, but chose to believe in my husband, and act in good faith on the information he was giving me. I need to apologize to him, for doing a good thing in trying to warn me,

I have very recently learned that they are still spending time together, and have not severed contact, as was my request for the progress of our marriage. He also pays for her cell phone, and has taken her many places, and done many things with her, all at the expense of our family life, and most importantly, time with our children and me. I can provide proof of this affair upon request.

I am telling you all this, as a close friend or family member of either WH or OW. I am hoping that you will understand my position, and understand that I do not take this exposure lightly. But I am fighting, every single day, to save my marriage, and save my family, and I have been undercut at many junctions by the secrecy that has let their relationship flourish.

Thank you for listening.

awww...Thats a nice letter. Let a big wig around here look at it.

My list:

One email response from him to her, so I can have him dead to rights, and not just have him say that she's stalking him.

Three letters, drafted, ready to go.

His bag packed, ready to go, with copy of Plan B on it.

Intermediary arranged for child issues.

Email accts forwarded to intermediary ( well- his emails specifically).

Explanation ready for the kids " Daddy has chosen to have a girlfriend. Mommy and Daddy are married, and Mommy knows it is wrong to have a girlfriends while you are married, so Daddy is leaving the house for now while he thinks about that".

And then, go time.

I am still going to throw up. I know this is the right thing to do, it just feels so permanent.

Very good.

Okay.

Then all three letters are done.

And? Thanks to the whole dating site discovery this morning, i made a doc appt to get checked for STD's. Awesome.

Exposure it what I must do. I need to really get that in my head.

LOL! I can be sarcastic.

I am finding the fact that this is my life to be kinda out of body.

I promise you - there will come a time when you'll be patting yourself on the back for exposing. And I'll wager that there will come a time when you'll be on these boards, telling newbies how critical exposure is. A few years ago I never would have been able to wrap my mind around the concept. Now - HA! I can't imagine anyone NOT exposing!

Okay.

I exposed.

Blew it wide.

Found out her parents had hired a private detective a year ago, because his story didn't make sense. He insisted he was a divorced man whose wife had cheated on him with his best friend, and he had no children. They hired the PI, found the truth, and their daughter stayed with my husband, because he promised her that he was only with me for the kids, and was planning to divorce me and marry her.

Her family hates him. he's forbidden to be near their house. They cut her off financially, and still, she follows my husband around like a lovesick puppy. He sends her texts and messages and sees her several times a week.

He also belongs to that horrible site where married people look for other married people for hookups. And last night- he chatted online with his college girlfriend about flying out to visit her in a few weeks. I had no idea that was going on.

He is seriously disturbed. Sick. I have no idea who he is.

I exposed big and wide, though. He is furious that I gave his parents details and proof.

He is texting me, not to ask for forgiveness or why, but just to needle me about the exposure and his parents.

I send the OW an email containing the chat transcripts with the college girlfriend, and the profile information on the dating website, as well as texts he sent me that very clearly do not say he's waiting around for the kids to get older to leave me for her. They say just the opposite.

So we'll see what happens next. I have no idea. He's not argued with me one bit about saving our marriage or seeking help. He may see this as the end. I dunno.

What do I do now?

what do you do now?

something special for yourself. schedule a massage. or a pedicure. SELF-CARE.

You did excellent! So pat yourself on the back.

And decide. Do you want to continue? Do you want him back? Because he sounds like a seriously flawed individual - with a lot of work to do before he will be a quality partner.

He very likely thinks he's unforgivable. Lots of waywards are very surprised that they can be forgiven. That is up to you.
He may be assuming that YOU are done, because that is really a lot to absorb....

How are you feeling?

Well done, Ridic! Well done!
Time to take a breather and let the dust settle. He is probably in a state of shock at this point, wondering what the hell happened to his formerly entitled state. And wondering where you got the cojones!

When things settle down a bit, you might want to take inventory to determine whether or not you want this person in your life.

I don't know what I think at this point. Whether or not I want him back. I don't know what to think.

I keep thinking something's gone horribly wrong in his thinking. And that he's sick and needs help, but frankly, after what I learned today, I am seriously concerned that he has borderline personality disorder and or narcissism, and without serious mental help on his end....