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I noticed you are in Utah.
Are you and WW LDS?
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Yup. I wont deny it, I am LDS, and we attend church weekly. Yeah she still went to church to keep up appearences. Image means a lot to her.
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Yup. I wont deny it, I am LDS, and we attend church weekly. Yeah she still went to church to keep up appearences. Image means a lot to her.
How can your ward assist your marriage recovery?
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Good point about the self esteem. I have bouts with low self-esteem and depression, but I know how to get away from those invalid thoughts. She often said that my encouragement sounded like I was bringing her down. Saying good job on the kitchen was interpreted as I wish you would clean the kitchen more. WS, it is very typical for infidels to suffer depression and low self esteem. Depression comes from acting BAD and stuffing down our conscience and low self esteem comes from ACTING in ways that are not esteemable. The solution is to stop being BAD. You have already done for her than 10 counselors could have by bringing her adutlery out into the open so it can STOPPED.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yup. I wont deny it, I am LDS
The folks there, largely LDS, saved his life.
I have huge respect!
/ SIDE BAR
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Yup. I wont deny it, I am LDS, and we attend church weekly. Yeah she still went to church to keep up appearences. Image means a lot to her. Have you spoken to your pastor and asked him to speak to your wife about her affairs?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I believe it was 3 months later when I started to talk to my good friend of 4 years about what was happening, Doesn't everybody know not to confide marital struggles to a member of the opposite sex? EVERYBODY? I knew this YEARS before I encountered Marriage Builders. Never ceases to amaze me...
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes i have talked to my bishop, but she did not feel like talking to him at the time. This was pre exposure. She set up an appointment for this Sunday, but I exposed her and she left to Colorado to work on her spirituality. Im still going to go to the bishops appointment for a blessing. I have no idea what or how they will help, but they can help by giving money to our counselor.
For those who do not know, LDS have the beleif that marriage is for an eternity, and can extend into the afterlife. I think it is a bonus on my part, but excrutiating on the part of the WS.
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I think it is a bonus on my part, but excrutiating on the part of the WS.
I'm a big fan of finding strengths, and putting them to use.
USE it.
Tell WW you want your eternity to be happy. You want HER eternity to be happy.
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I think it is a bonus on my part, but excrutiating on the part of the WS.
Tell WW you want your eternity to be happy. You want HER eternity to be happy.
Discuss "tools".
Tell WW you have come to the realization that you came to the M with an inadequate knowledge of marriage "tools".
Tell her that you've been reading about "marriage tools", and you'd like nothing better than for both of you to pick up the tools and work side-by-side, getting your "eternity" repairs done.
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she left to Colorado to work on her spirituality.
With family? Alone?
Can you reach her if you want to?
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but I exposed her and she left to Colorado to work on her spirituality. She left?? Did she leave the kids? When is she coming back? Did she take her computer?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks Pep, Those are very nice things to say, I'm horrible saying look at we will miss. Instead saying lets work on this together is much more positive and upbeat. That is the exact dialogue that I need to say, gotta go practice it in the mirror. 
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but I exposed her and she left to Colorado to work on her spirituality. She left?? Did she leave the kids? When is she coming back? Did she take her computer? 
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but I exposed her and she left to Colorado to work on her spirituality. She left?? Did she leave the kids? When is she coming back? Did she take her computer? Colorado is where a sister is. She is offering her house to my WW while her sister helps on developing her spirituality. Her sister does not want her talking to OM while at her house. At least WW has a goal, and her sister will do anything to help our marriage. Plus it gives me an emotional break....whew! When she comes back I hope to have undivided attention for plan A. (too bad the WW is threatening Plan D as she left) The kids are with me. My mother in-law lives with me (yes I support my in-law cause I am a nice guy) and is watching the kids. She said she will go wherever the kids go, unless the kids are with my WW and she decides to bring in the OM or a new guy. I consulted about getting a temp restraining order, but it doesn't look needed right now since I have the kids. I have removed her name from a second joint account and I am putting my finances in there. I was thinking of sending her sister money as a good faith payment. On paper it will look good, and her sister will be in control of the money.
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Actually, you're in a pretty decent position to save your marriage. Better than you think.
Exposure is a HUGE benefit.
Would WW read SAA, if you sent a copy to her sister's in Colorado?
GOOD FOR YOU !
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Maybe she will read...All she has is time. Right now she is only bent on Plan D. So I don't know.
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Maybe she will read...All she has is time. Right now she is only bent on Plan D. So I don't know.
Provide one.
Send the book.
Slip a happy family photo inside, for her to use as a book mark.
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Joined: Jul 2005
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Actually, you're in a pretty decent position to save your marriage. Better than you think.
Exposure is a HUGE benefit.
Would WW read SAA, if you sent a copy to her sister's in Colorado?
GOOD FOR YOU !
If you get a chance to talk to her sister out of her earshot, I would ask sister to buy SAA and give it to her - I fear that if you buy it and send it, she will reject it due to her current anger - and a BS trying to "teach" a WS comes off as disrespectful... Something that stands out in my mind from Mr. W's Plan A are the roses that he sent me while I was in Atlanta visiting OM *cringe* [I still can't believe he wanted to send me anything other than a mail bomb]...Anyway, they were these GIANT RED ROSES - some sort of specialty kind - I'd never seen anything like them before - I will NEVER forget them or what I know it had to take out of him to send them to me when I was at my most unlovable... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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P.S. I began reading SAA when I was miserable, in withdrawal - my motivation was purely selfish, I just wanted anything to make me feel better - ultimately my motivation didn't matter - what mattered was that message started getting through...
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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