Have you looked at
This thread *link*

It might give you some ideas of how you can reassure your WW that you will not be the same man, and she will not be the same woman, when your marriage undergoes a transformation.


You can liken it to

Extreme Home Makeover

Your previous "home" (AKA marriage) had fallen into disrepair.
You grew accustomed to the mess.
You failed to make repairs.
You did not know about the tools to make repairs.

You don't want to live in that old broken-down home (marriage).
You want to build a better home.
A stronger home.
A home with a foundation so enduring, it will last into "eternity".

You can respectfully request she join you on that journey, of building a new home.
With the right tools.

And you will both be happy to live in that home, because you built it together.
To last.

Yes of course she is a romantic. I used to do stuff for her all the time. Like little notes to her, heart attacking her room, or an animated movie I made. She usually blushed, but later in life she felt that I was raising the bar for her by doing these little thing for her. Like putting a bow on a clean kitchen. She felt that she could not keep up with me. I know its lame, but she has often expressed this to me and asked me to slow it down a bit.

I agree with Mrs. W...

Wheels mentioned earlier and it's pretty clear they are in somewhat of a parent-child relationship. There is no TEAM/partnership here. They are adversaries right now. Wheels, IMO, is much better off having the MB materials at home where his wife can easily access them to see what "crap" wheels is reading rather than Wheel's giving them to her like an assignment. Sometimes foggy waywards read the "crap" just so they can argue against it or, like my wife, you leave YOUR copy of SAA sitting on the nightstand and when they get depressed enough (withdrawal) that they resort to escaping into whatever is laying around of interest. Mrs. Wheels is embarrassed, confuesed and angry. Let her stew a bit....you can't teach her much of anything right now.

Maybe the sister can give her the book but it can't come directly from wheels to her.

Further, back in 2005, I didn't tell Mrs. W to read and post here. I just sent her a link to something I thought she might like to read and she took it from there.

Mr. Wondering

Update on communication with WW.

Less than a week after Plan B I get this letter that she sends to everyone. It apologizes for her misconduct, and tells how she has only been thinking of how wonderful I am, and how I am doing everything for our marriage and family. She also states that she will do anything to get her family back like give up WoW, Facebook and Myspace. She even said she will cook and take care of the kids. My favorite is where she said that she would cut her hair and quit wearing makeup....lol.

This time she used Word and she has a lot less spelling errors. I you want to see the letter (tons of references to Satan) just say I want to see the letter.

Mr. W.


From somewhere, I heard that no man is a prophet (or authority) in his own home.

Larry

Wheels-

The part of that that I was able to identify with is this:
<Husband> found evidence that it was seriouse, and it was such a relief to me cause I was thinking "ok, now we can start working on our marriage, everything will be fine now, we'll get help." I was so glad, because I thought finally we can do something about my unhappiness, the pain he gave me threw all these years. I was glad that that affair happened because then <Husband> would finally know I was unhappy, I mean how can you tell your spouse that you are not happy when you have a beautiful home? Kids? and a wonderful husband?? I felt like finally the door opened to fix this!

My WH said those (almost exact) words to me. Every time he strayed. It would put us on the right track again and I would bend over backwards to make the marriage work. Until it was not enough for him & he needed the new adventure.

I do not think I am in a position to offer advice, YET. But I do agree w/ other posters. You do not need to respond. People will read through the lines. -----And she summed it up with: I might have ruined the marriage but he's the one that ended it by telling all of our friends, and family.

I know this is such a little metaphor if you could call it that but here is my attempt...

If your favorite shirt has a stain, what do you do? You try everything to get the stain out. Right? When that doesn�t work you take it out to the professionals. Still the shirt is stained. Now what do you do? Do you hang it in the closet and save it because it is your favorite? Or do you simply give it to goodwill for someone else to have as is?

Hear is where I say I am not in a position to offer advice because, my favorite shirt is in the closet still. But I do not think there is any shame in offering it to goodwill. I just have not been able to do it.

Sorry that you are here, but from what I have read in posts there are a lot of VET'S out there with great insight.
Good Luck.