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Mymissy- the silent treatment and treating you like you don't exist must KILL you inside. Aren't you glad that you know you have Plan B in your pocket? That will be the end to this chapter, on to the next chapter of your M. Will it be R? Maybe not M recovery but definitely PERSONAL R. Hang in there. You're doing GREAT.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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WH, I have always admired your integrity, caring, and reliability. I thank you for remember fondly all the times you have stood by me in times of bad health, in difficult times with the kids, and in other difficulties in our lives. Your strength has always inspired me; I wish you believed in yourself.You mean everything in this world to me and I am not as strong as you think I am and I am afraid and lost. I have also always believed in you, trusted you and loved you more than I could share with you. I am so sorry for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OWH wife possible. I pursued my own wants and interests without truly understanding how I was not keeping up my responsibility of being your wife and meeting your most important needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most; and now we are both suffering for my mistakes. Our old marriage was not a place I nurtured very well in the last few years, and I see that now.Since you have continued continue with your affair with OWH wife;  (for using wife instead of name )for now I need to avoid seeing you or talking to you. You may contact me through email or your mother and sister. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must understand the suffering that I have endured because of your continued relationship with her and the choices that you have made that have affected us both. I simply cannot be around you any longer knowing that you are continuing to contact her and be with her. I still love you, but I cannot continue to see you or live with you under these circumstances. I thought fate brought us together by one line in print. Then we forgot to nurture each other. But I still believe that this relationship can be salvaged. I loved you when I married you; I love you to this day. But I simply cannot be around you while you continue to act in this manner. Love Mymissy Here is my feeble attempt at feedabck for your letter. Elimiate all text that comes acrros as week or needy. Hopefully some vets will come in with more help with the letter. I am very proud of you for taking the step to write the letter cause it means you are opening yourself up to the possibility of a Future. 
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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What happens when/if the fog lifts - do the WW's realize the utter devastation they have caused and how ridiculous their promises to each other are? {{{{{{Missy}}}}}}, YEP!!!!..... Not only ridiculous but shameful, embarrassing, childish, and incrediably repugnant. It will be the most regretful thing he'll ever have done. And the pain will be more than he can bear. My H did the same thing with the house, plus proposed AND planned children with her ( even though her tubes were tied!!!!....  ). He is highly disgusted with himself. It breaks my heart....... And one day, if you decide to try to reconcile, you'll see this for yourself. In the mean time, treat yourself well. You absolutely deserve it. I am truly sorry for your pain.......pain no one should have to suffer.... Not2fun
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Dear Missy
My husband has moved out after a second affair. I only found out about the first when I found out about the second. After I found out about the second, he moved out, and then came back, cheated again, decided to stay and then moved out again, saying he needed "a break". A couple of months later, told me it was over because he is not sexually attracted to me anymore??? Insists OW is not in the picture. I didn't know of this site, I wish I had, I did practically EVERYTHING wrong. I sort of did Plan A but wasn't able to maintain it.
He has also wanted to "discuss arrangements" almost immediately, which was SO painful.
I only say all this, and I don't know if it brings you any comfort, but I completely understand your emotions, they so totally echo mine, it is a bit spooky!!! But then, as others explain, those feelings are totally normal.
I think you are handling it really well and wish you all the best.
I don't want to hijack your thread but I also wanted to say I think the support and advice found on this site is just wonderful and restores one's faith in people. The last couple of posts by wannamoveforward have been of great help to me.
Whatever happens, we can only go onward and upwards!!:-) Schmoops Sorry you are having to go thru this cr*p. Welcome to MB. I am glad this it helping you get tru this horrible ordeal you are going thru. 2 D days at once thats a big blow to be able to stand up from. Is it the same OW each time or are there 3 I was not sure from your post. If you need specific help about your stich or just want to vent I'd recomend starting a new thread so you have a way to let out all your feelings and work thru them. Seeing what BS's are going thru really helped me realise that I was sane and normal (I guess as normal as can be). You have come to the right place and I hope that reading and posting on this forum gives you the tools and support you need to move forward.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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One more thing about the Plan B letter. You need to make it clear that there is a way back home to the marriage.
Insert this sentence: "I cannot see or speak with you until you have ended all contact with OW."
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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I am by no means a vet, but isn't there a way to limit POSOW in the letter a bit more. NEAK WHERE ARE YOU? We need some authorness(yes I know that isn't a word-think of it as a Scotty-ism).
The Plan B letter should be a "love" letter to WH and let him know there is a way home. Could you say something about the adultery instead of saying "her". Sorry I am REALLY tired(2 weeks overdue for my B12 shot, makes me a little loopy) and I can't come up with this on my own. Thanx
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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wannamoveforward
thanks for your post. There were 2 OW. I am sure i will be starting my own thread at some stage.
thanks again
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Thanks to everyone for help and support. MB has been a type of refuge for me. I hope one day I can see past my own pain and hurt to reach out to others as many of you have reached out to me. Right now I seem to be able to only focus on myself; and continue to be unable to stop crying.
He has made me feel as though I am yesterday's garbage and is simply throwing it out.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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((((((MYMISSY))))))
Oh hun, I am so sorry that you feel this way. Take care. You have done GREAT.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Right now I seem to be able to only focus on myself; and continue to be unable to stop crying.
He has made me feel as though I am yesterday's garbage and is simply throwing it out. ((((mymissy)))) No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor RooseveltDont' let him make you feel like trash. You are not garbage. If he is dumb enough to let you go then HE does not deserve you and all you have to offer. Dont feel bad for focuing on your self. You SHOULD be doing that right now. What you are dealing with and trying to breathe thru is the worst trauma that is possible. Many have compared the pain of it to being raped or abused and it is devastating. So take all the support and comfort you need, focus on being able to stand up and not being permanently knocked out by his punch. Hope your day gets better ahead. and continue to be unable to stop crying. Dig out those AD's and take one TODAY .
Last edited by wannamoveforward; 03/05/10 08:09 AM.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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I continue taking the AD, OWH and I have been communicating regularly again. The more the both of learn the more we are both realizing how much the two adulterers are lying to each of their spouses, but also to each other. What a ridiculous pipe dream they are fantasizing about. Unfortunately they have devastated two families. Their "unconditional love for each other is based in emails, texts, phone calls, and a few one-night weekends together. Not reality. Both myself and OWH feel like we are going insane and who are these lying, deceptive, manipulative people to whom we are currently married.
I am starting to lean in the direction of plan B for personal recovery only.
He is an evil B@st@rd!!!!!!!
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Plan B will really help. I would be A LOT more careful with your communications with OWH. You don't want to have a sitch between the 2 of you to deal with as well. It's okay to get info, but once you are in Plan B, you need to be DARK and that means not knowing about anything.
Stay Strong. You can make it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Their adultery is standard issue.
Not anything special or unusual.
They ALL lie to each other.
They ALL deny reality for fantasy land.
Put your focus BACK on your PLAN.
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Plan B for you sake or the sake of the M is a great plan at this point.
Talking to OWH's to gather info to help end the A is a great plan. Leaning on each other for support could be a slippery slope.
I know you are hurting and having some one who gets what you are going thru feels so good and its hard to give up any souce of support BUT... just be careful of where it can lead you.
I really am sorry that your WH continues to hurt and torment you and once you go dark with him I am hoping that you will be able to stop some of that bleeding.
Hang in there, keep venting.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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Thank you all so much, the venting helps tremendously.
Thanks for the cncern but I don't think that I would slide down the slippery slope with OWH; to young and has 3 small children. Been there, done that - look where it has gotten me. Right now just gathering info for him to use as ammo in regards to against her and be able to protect his children.
The info gathered has just been very hurtful, especially to me.
The other horrible part of this, kids are home for break and WH is going to spend weekend with her and is out of town next week for business. DSD20 is very upset that her father knew they would be home and is telling her "I have other plans". She knows what he is doing and that he is lying to her.
I can't believe that all the years we spent building a great relationship with the kids (WH exW very poisonous)and now he is going to destroy it.
At least they know that I am here for them and I can hold my head high knowing that I have been able to maintain my morals, integrity, and I tried to save marriage.
Now my only thoughts are of getting to a place of peace. And taking him for everything I possibly can, so that POSOW can't have it.
I am also thanking God that I am educated and have a great job. And the betrayal diet has been great, eating very healthy and working out almost daily and I have lost all of my cancer weight.
I have decided that the best revenge possible is to continue on with a happy, full life; while he will probably implode.
the crying was little less today, I think the AD only take the edge off so that there are not extreme highs and lows, not enough to stop the tears - most of all I miss my best friend. I am still reeling by how fast this has all happened and progressed to this level.
And how sad that this continues to happen obviously everywhere, not any one case much different from the next.
So much pain that could have so easily been remedied before causing this kind of devastaion.
Well those are my thoughts for tonight, I am planning my move for in 26 days, I cannot wait to be alone in a peaceful environment.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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MM
Are you going to be on for a little bit?
I was wondering if you got your PLB letter written?
Nesre
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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Mymissy,
Hugs to you. It is a difficult time and you will have the highs and lows. It has been 1.5 years for me and some days it feels like a week.
Breathe, pray, continue to work on yourself. My XWH is an alien now. Even physically he does not look the same. This A takes over them spiritually, mentally and it changes them.
Until the A implodes you will not see your H. Only then will he start to come the fog.
Blessings
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I have not yet revised the Plan B letter that WMF has helped me edit yet. But it is in the works. I am not sure about giving the current piece of sh*t I am married to a love letter, feels like a slap in the face to me..........
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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MM The other horrible part of this, kids are home for break and WH is going to spend weekend with her and is out of town next week for business. DSD20 is very upset that her father knew they would be home and is telling her "I have other plans". She knows what he is doing and that he is lying to her addicts (unless in true recovery)--> lie-TAKE IT FROM ONE IN RECOVERY BOTH FROM ALCOHOL AND A's. Doesn't matter to who we lie (unless in true recovery)as long as we are get our fix. Just wanted to point you to Ridisics thread-Need a spine -page 6. Pep posted a very good generic PLB letter (fill in the blank style)you might want to check out. The whole thread is very worth while to read if you have the time. Maybe you are already folowing it. Nesre
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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Thanks I will look at the letter, I have followed bits and pieces of the thread.
thanks again
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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