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Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"
I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.
You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"
If your spouse says: "I would not like that."
If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.
Simple.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 10
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/02/13 09:28 PM. Reason: TOS non MB material
Romans 5:5
Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent. What does a Renter's agreement relationship look like 17 years later? *link* to a classic example of a long term RENTER's AGREEMENT Edit to add: I want as many MBers as possible to read exactly what Dr Harley wants all of us to avoid by following POJA.
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Bump!
After just having read the book BRF, I got so much more out of reading this thread again.
Highly recommend the book to anyone who hasn't read it...
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Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 21
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Joined: Aug 2015
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POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"
I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.
You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"
If your spouse says: "I would not like that."
If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.
Simple. I think you definitely need two people that are both signed up for the POJA theory to get the most out of this. Honesty needs to be key for the person responding. If the spouse really doesn't like the idea/action, they need to respond honestly.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
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Eileen writes about dating and Dr. Harley's book "Buyers, Renters, and Free loaders." The book discusses how the giver starts out in control, and as time goes on, the taker starts to take over. Radio Clip
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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