She tells you she will choose him to keep you in line, so she can still have sex with him but come home to a nice secure family. She doesn't respect you and will keep both of you as long as you let her. Question: Why do you want her when she has such little respect for you? Do you think the way you're acting is attractive to her?

Yeah... I worry about that a lot. I have a really hard time deciding where the line between saving my family and losing respect is. I'm still holding out that if I can save my wife from this and keep my family intact, it will be worth it.

What I'm trying to avoid is her leaving, coming back in 6 months and saying everything was a mistake and that she wants me back. I think my answer would be no at that point. If the affair can stop before that, my kids won't have to grow up in a broken home.

Update:

Been doing by best plan A, and we've been working on spending time together, avoiding AO & DJ, etc. However she has never quite maintained NC. We've established a pattern, I find out she's breaking NC, I expose, I confront her on it, she agrees to quit contacting him, and we do it all over again.

It's been slowly deteriorating, and now, after the last time I discovered she broke NC, she said she wants a divorce. I also found out she's applying for jobs in OMs town.

At this point, everyone we know knows, and his friends/family/business associates know, so exposure was far and wide.

We're still in the same house for now, so I don't know how I can do a good plan B at this time. I feel like I should prepare for plan D... I think she's just trying to get her ducks in a row with OM and then one day suddenly move out. I'm not sure how I can plan around that - any advice?

I've seen a couple of threads on doing plan B in the same house, but it appears it's pretty hard to do. Any advice?

Maybe ouchthathurt is correct, and she doesn't respect me. Now what?

Why don't you file for legal separation? You can catch her off guard before she gets her ducks in a row, plus you've established in the courts that she can't move and take the kids. Then you can get her out of the house and plan B and expose her to the consequences. I'm sure right now she thinks you'll just wait around on her until she finally decides what she wants. Take the fight to her.

Exactly! Strike first and rock her world. Do you live in an alienation of affection state?

Unfortunately, I don't.

The way I see it, is if I strike first, it's the end of our marriage. I don't think my heart can come back from Plan B...

That's your excuse because you are afraid. Your heart can come back from plan B. There are many posters who have. Plan B is a lot easier on you than plan A w/ an active wayward.

AMEN to THAT. Plan B is A LOT easier on you emotionally. You may be afraid that you won't want to recover your marriage. That IS a possibility. Plan B can be the best way for you to figure out what YOU want.