I'm gonna take my younger daughter and get our nails done in the morning.

I just found out from my inlaws that WH is planning on going to youngest son's bball game tomorrow.

I have to ignore him. In public. How the heck do I do that without running a broadcast banner above my family's head that there's an issue?

And he sent me a single word text that reads "yes". I don't even know what that means, but I didn't reply.

HAHAHAHA I think that text was not meant for YOU. He is gonna kick himself for that one later.

My WH, while I was in Plan A, called me one afternoon. It was clear that he had intended on calling POSOW instead. I kept cool and I said, "Did you dial the wrong number?" He said something about ONLY calling to check on the kids and I said, "Okay Bye." But I KNOW he was trying to call POSOW instead.

Their little WAYTURD brains can't keep all of their thoughts straight.

As far as the BBALL game, it's a good thing to know about, but at the same time, it shouldn't have gotten through your dark curtain of Plan B.

Let the inlaws know that you don't want to know anything about WH. It will be hard, because people will think that you WANT to know things. You really DON'T.

What to do while at the game? I haven't had to deal with that so I will let the vets chime in on that one.

BTW LOVE the idea of Mom and DD sitting in a salon getting their nails done. I miss not having a GIRL. I will live vicariously through you.

It is a lot of fun, I'll give you that.

I've been very lucky, I know, to have had my two girls and my two boys. The best of both worlds.

I can do the sunglasses. I already figured I'd go to the game and sit in between my friends, and ignore him.

I am hoping he doesn't actually go. That'd be the best outcome.

Getting your nails done is a great idea. It is fun and uplifting. A pedicure does it for me.

I had to laugh about your text. I got one from WH shortly after D-day and before I had confronted him, one word also, "Sup." It was the first and only time that he text that word to me. When I checked his phone later, he had immediately text the same to OW. Too bad he didn't text, "Blowjob?" he would have nailed himself.

God's Blessings,

Say

Okay.

Went to the game. Surrounded by my peeps. Who are the very best people- they kept me laughing and smiling and enjoying the game. WH slipped in the back. I paid no attention to him at all. I know he was there only because my friends told me, and because I could hear him cheering for our little boy. He left right before the end of the game.

Within ten minutes of the end of the game he started texting me> asked if he could take our littlest to a bball game on Sunday. Then asked if he completed my list of demands if he could come home. Then asked me if I thought the whole thing was his fault. Then said he's wrecked a lot of lives and doesn't think he can forgive himself. Then he said he just wants me and our children. And that he's sorry for everything. Then he said that it's not part of the blame, because it's all his fault, but that I make him feel small and unimportant,sometimes.

The small and unimportant comment alarmed me- because it felt manipulative and trying to shift the focus. He's said that before, when trying to deflect blame about the primary relationship with the other woman.

He then asked to see me.

I didn't see him.

What do I do now? Do I meet with him? Do I stay dark? What do I do?

Stay dark. He is testing your boundaries.

You *did* list your requirements for him to return, didn't you? Then he needs to address those -- without your prompting him to do so.

Until he flat out comes out and says he's willing to meet your stated requirements, he's just testing the waters to see if he can get you to bend and/or break.

Stay dark. You're doing an admirable job!

I can't see where you gave him a Plan B letter. Did you? The Plan B letter gives him the route home. He is giving indication that he wants to do that. Look at SMB's requirements for TST to come home. Set the bar high, Ridic and save yourself from a false R.

God's Blessings,

Say

I gave him a plan B letter- packed in the bag with his stuff. He read it.

So, I don't engage him until he comes to me with everything in hand, done?

Ridic, let him convince your IM of his sincerity. He is not ready now, I assure you. It was a MISTAKE to read his texts. Next time, just delete them.

NO !!


YES !!


Plan A your kids.
Tighten up your Plan B. No peeking.

WH has work to do before you want to hear what he has to say.
In a minute, I'm going to *bump* a thread for you about "false recovery".

It's time you read it.



READ this thread .... and you will understand WHY you cannot "lower the bar" for WH.

BECAUSE, LOWERING THE BAR USUALLY SPELLS DISASTER

Pay particular attention to TST, a former WH, who came home and secretly maintained his affair (false recovery). AND, pay attention to his wife, sexymamabear.

It's been a long week.

After staying dark, he agreed to all the conditions, and broke contact.

I let him come home, with the agreement that he would seek pschological help.

That's where it all goes wrong.

He is moping and crying. He's lost 15 pounds, and won't eat. He is constantly telling me all about how much he misses her, and she was the most signifigant relationship in his life, and he's never been closer to anyone in the world than he was with her, and without her, he can't function.

He keeps saying he loves me, but that I can't comprehend his loss.

And for her part? She hates his guts. She won't speak to him, and has filed a restraining order. Her parents have sent me a letter, explaining that their daughter is through with him, as has she ( she actually sent me a letter that I felt compassion for her in reading).

He did a helluva lot of lying on her end that I wasn't aware of. When I exposed, she learned a lot of things he didn't want her to ever know.

I almost feel sorry for her. I do. She was played hard.

He asked me yesterday to email her and tell her I had lied. He said he would know that I am putting him first, if I would just tell her that I lied about him still living with me for the past three years. He said he would be able to go on, because then he would know she doesn't hate him. He got very angry and told me I disappointed him by not agreeing to email her and lie for him.

Um, so now what? I've screwed up, by taking the no contact as a step to get back in the house. But this constant mourning ( and he is also very angry at me for telling her the truth- he said he doesn't know that he'll ever be able to forgive me for that), it's more than I can take.

So, help me. What would you do? besides scream?

RidicSit,

What were your complete conditions you gave him to end Plan B and return home?

Did you set the bar high enough?

I am very worried you have set yourself up for a false recovery.

However......



This is very good!


Withdrawal is a sick and disgusting event for a betrayed spouse to witness. Massively disrespectful to the betrayed spouse. They are so clueless.



Wow. You disappointed him. How inconsiderate. This is some truly classic wayward fog spewage. A loud rhino fart would make more sense than this torrential flood of illogic.

It takes a few weeks for withdrawal to take hold. You are in for a lousy ride. I wish you would have let him stew outside in the dark longer. The Jello in his head has not set yet.

I don�t know how you didn�t go all Lorena Bobbitt on him with that one.

He has lied to the OW, has lied to you, he has a restraining order for goodness sake! There is nothing you did wrong. Right now he is 100% wrong, and I feel bad that you have to put up with this lamenting that is obviously damaging you.

Hopefully your spine will hold up to all this foggy logic trying to blame shift, and justify his adultery. In the meantime be nice, smile, and vent on here. Let us know whats up! You matter to us.

I said he had to seek counseling. He had to end contact with her- via letter I approved, cancellation of her phone, changing his number, blocking her on email, full access to all his financials, copies of his keys, online access to his phone account and credit cards.

He has been texting me all morning- and I am ignoring him- about how he knows he'll never get over the affair, and I'm such a wonderful person who deserves so much better than I'm getting from him. And that he'll now do whatever I tell him to do, although he wants me to know he will never get better.

This horrible fog- he's not right, is he? It does lift, right? And when the therapy gets going ( he's had prelim and bloodwork), there's a chance he'll be able to move forward?

So keep being kind and calm ( thank heavens for Celexa), and see what happens?

When he wants to go on and on about how much he misses her and will never get over her, what's the best for me?

he keeps telling me he's hopeless and it will never get better, and yet, he keeps saying he'll do whatever I want.