Marital bliss. I see you mention exposure. One thing I have to say is that my w told her Mom and one sister about it. Her mother is very distant with me and tells me you don't know what it's like to be in her shoes. The w did tell me that her mom did yell at her about the A. I have not told anyone in my family. 4 of our 8 kids know. (3 hers, 3 mine and 2 ours)

Go hit the heavy bag at the gym. Check out some heavy bag combos on Youtube, throw on some gloves and get out your aggression.

So how do you feel about this partial exposure?

We are 20 months past D-Day and I am not "over it" yet. I have really bad days where I just feel like disappearing from his life. I often dream of being single again. He still hasn't figured out why he did it. We had a really good M pre-A now I struggle to stay M to him. It disgusts me to think of who he slept with. A woman who was giving her body away like candy. I never withheld SF, was a very good W (which he also admitted) and he risked our M for some wh*re. I still don't understand that.

Not sure how feel. I think the mother in law just makes excuses or changes the subject. She also thinks I am low class. The scumbag by the way is trailer trash and no job.
As for hitting a heavy bag I wish I had my old one. The gym I go to doesn't. Maybe I'll just pump some iron.
I still don't know if I can contain my self if I ever meet him. Not that I am looking to but he does live in the area.

I feel that same way cobol girl. After she told me. I felt like I was lacking and had s just about everynight. I never had problems giving her an o before or after. She told her therapist about it and said it was some kind of owner ship thing that men have. Not sure that's it.

I am 9 months out of my WW affair and I am not over it. I dont think you ever will get over it. Your normal in the thoughts you are thinking and the emotions you are going through. Let yourself feel them and dont stuff anything. I work out for my therapy in addition to IC. Are you seeing a therapist or do you have someone to talk to about this?

I have a therapist, one freind I can talk to and all of you. I try reason out that we both had different partners before. So it really isn't about sex it's more about trust and betrayal. Of course that act still goes thru my head and still angers me deeply. Do do all these intials stand for? I figure out some of them. like what is IC?

I really do feel there is allot more to the the story. The scumbags friend is calling her and I don't know how many times. I think she is worried that he is going to contact me. When I asked one of his friends to have him stop calling she went ballistic that I did this. The friend says he wants nothing to do with it. I believe they are hiding something from me.

KB,
I am so sorry that you are here. Know that this is a good place to be to help you through the pain.

It will be 4 years post DDay tomorrow. Have I gotten over it? Well, I am able to function every day. It doesn't cripple me the way it did. I don't have as many triggers. But I struggle with feelings of doubt sometimes...times when I kick myself for all of the lies that I believed because there was no way that my H would ever do that to me once, let alone with two women. I beat myself up because I try to piece together things that I should just learn to let go.

Many days I go without even thinking about the A's. But there are other days that it's on my mind. It all depends. I can usually get involved in something else right away to get my mind off of the past.....And you are right.....it IS about TRUST and BETRAYAL.

Know that it will get better. You will make it through this. Day by day....

Take care and be blessed.
SS

I usually have unwanted images that go thru my head of her being with another man. It usually happens at night and I wake either depressed or very angry. Is that the same way women feel to?

I would suggest that any BS who wants to understand the steps and irrational psychological factors at play here buy and read the following 2 books (in addition to SAA):

�Not Just Friends� by Dr. Shirley Glass
�Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy� by Dr. Frank Pittman

Glass does a great job of describing the actual process and mechanics of how an extra-marital �acquaintanceship� evolves into an EA and then a PA. She offers little advice on how to deal with it.

Pittman is superb in explaining the underlying psychology that drives it. He advises a BS to �say your peace and then go away, doing whatever it takes to keep yourself together during this time� (basically Plan B). In effect, he argues that there is no point in attempting to reason with or convince or �out-romance� an active-romantic-affairee.

I do believe firmly that Dr. Harley/MB/SAA offers the best comprehensive PLAN for a BS while the above 2 deal more with the actions & motivations of the WS. Yes, while not universal, it is eerily common how often the WS of an otherwise sane and �put-together� BS affairs WAY DOWN with an OP who is utterly messed-up and is someone that the WS would never have even remotely considered to be worthy relationship/dating material beforehand.

(sorry for the TJ as well)

That is AWESOME, Melody! King, are you listening? She is RIGHT ON.

I like to roll on the floor and laugh at the whole "closure" thing. Most WW's think nothing of decapitating the marriage with no "closure" to their BH yet they want "closure" with their FB.

By the way thanks soulsurvivor. I hope we all find peace within ourselves and that our wayward spouses realize the hurt and anguish they have put on us.
This happened with me 2 times now. My 1st wife was cold as ice about it and my current wife at least had the guts to tell me the truth without me having to find out about it on my own. I just hope it's over and we can move on. Life is to Dam short to stressed out all the time.
For those of you that wanted me to hire a detective. Can't afford it but I have enlisted another pair of eyes that is totally loyal to me. (no it's not my dog)

kingblue,

"IC" means "Individual Counselor/counseling"

Here's a list found in the Announcements Forum that should help you--

Acronyms & Abbreviations

It's s the weekend and I am at work. I try not to call my w to much but sometimes mostly in the afternoon she will not answer the phone. I call several times after that and finally get her to answer. She says she is out doing some errands for her business then to go see her friend and the horses. She says I don't trust and that I am smothering her. Gets angry too. She does have high blood pressure and uses that as an excuse to go somewhere to calm down. I know she does have high blood pressure because i went to the doc with her. I told her I always call in the afternoon anyway so what's the dif and why is it so hard to answer a phone. I know when I don't answer mine she gets pissed. So what do all of you think about this? And how should I handle this?

I think she's trying to dodge the Accountability Bullet. Her blood pressure would be much lower if she hadn't put herself in this position. She needs to be totaly available to you, whenever you reqire it. It's that simple.

Ya I know but it's been like pulling teeth lately. I have been helping her in her business getting her clients (Insurance) and she says she needs me but when I am at work (12 hour shifts) she seems to make herself unavailable. When I am off we are together most of the time and I am not smoothering her then.

Something she ask me which I don't know how to take. She ask me if I have a girlfreind. Hmmmm

My wife has been going thru counseling as have I. She got back from it today and still claims to be scared of me because I punched a door. She was in a very abusive relatioship before me. She says she is really stressed out and is staying with her oldest daughter. I cannot confirm that. But what bothers me the most is that she is saying that she has feelings for the om and that she needs to deal with those feelings. I have been noticing that she is not as near affectionate as she has in the past before the A. She will come and give me a breif kiss and hug and that's about it. I tell her I want to make the marriage work but she will not say that it's what she wants. She is coming back home tommorrow. I am not sure what to do.
One other thing. She is in Insurance and I have been assisting her. I brought in several clients and she really needs my help to meet her quotas. I spend allot of my off time from my job helping her. She needs me for that but leaves me in limbo on our M.