I know what you are all saying, but I'm just exploring my options before I make a decision.

Yes, Tabby1, Canada is a lot nicer to families than the USA. Here, at age 18 or high school graduation (whichever is later), a child is cut off EVEN if they are a full-time student. The other parent is just being a "nice guy" (and a GREAT parent, I might add) if they continue to provide financial support when no longer legally required.

As for college financial aid, yes.... having a lower income helps. This is weighing heavy on my decision. I already plan to have the kids take out student loans, and even that process is affected if you are lower income.

And other factors come into play by being HoH -- like the earned income tax credit.

But -- back to the money -- I did work this year and only a small amount was withheld for taxes. The biggest HoH return will likely not compare to the one that I'd get if we filed jointly.

And I would have so many safeguards in place to make sure I get all of the return. My attorney said he'd write a stipulation to ensure that I get the return. I would make sure that this money in no way affects my monthly temporary support since -- knowing D!ck -- he'd probably say that HIS half of the return is really his support to me.

I just gotta play this smart.

I just want to toss in the idea that the "safest" route for you is likely to file alone.

D!ck and Bimbo are having financial troubles -- and there are ways for creditors to snatch a tax return...

And with the way he's been handling money you may not want to be associated with him when it comes to IRS dealings. It'll be easier to claim "innocent spouse" if he gets into trouble with them.

Well there's a thought that scares me. The way this is going I wouldn't be surprised if it comes to that. For your sake HH, I hope not, but we all know that he isn't playing with a full deck right now. Well, maybe in Vegas, but not at home.

I took everyone's advice and filed my taxes separately. FIL helped me, bless his heart. Looked like D!ck was fishing for options that did NOT include filing jointly afterall. My guess is that filing jointly meant that I would have access to HIS return and all that went into it. And if I had access, so would my attorney and the judge. And who knows what that liar and cheater is hiding. Anyway, NOT MY PROBLEM and I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE for his return.

And -- I'm getting a refund. WOOOOOO, WHOOOOOOO!!!

OK -- in other D!ck news -- he and DD went to lunch yesterday. This DD is the only one who occasionally talks with her Dad. My guess is that he's trying to bait me. He tells DD that he MAY give other DD a credit card for gas (since she just got her driver's license) depending on how I ACT THIS MONTH. So her getting a card depends on how nice I am? What a d!ck. I told both DDs that his generosity has nothing to do with me. Either he gives her a card for gas or he doesn't. Why blame me? Oh.... the waywardness... blameshifting...Same song, second verse.

Now, Holyheart news. It was FINALLY my turn to go to Las Vegas last weekend. My nephew's 21st birthday with family and friends. I had a fabulous time and really enjoyed myself. Not a winner - but I didn't break my bank either. And I behaved!!

And my kids -- all doing well. DD is in line for a full-ride scholarship to an out of state college. She should hear tomorrow. YDD qualifed yesterday for the state meet for History Day. She just finished basketball season and without skipping a beat, is on the swim team with swim times already faster than her best last year. DS is doing well his first year in college. He'll be working again this summer to help pay his expenses and says he'll even get a job during next school year. All the kids are aware of the our financial situation and all are doing their part to keep costs down and work to help out.

I really am grateul for all that I have in my life. Never thought I'd be happy again, but I am. Personal recovery is a great gig. I believe it. And as long as I'm where I'm suppose to be, doing what I'm suppose to be doing -- I'm GOOD! God is really watching over my family.

And we go to court Thursday.

HH,

Yes, personal recover IS great, isn't it. I've been having the same type of experiences. In fact, I had a dream Saturday night that XWH wanted to come back. I woke up in a panic because guess what? ---- I don't want him back!!! And I think it finally hit me. I felt so FREE. It's great.

Your atty can still subpeona D!ck's tax return for trial, so he really can't hide anything from you. He thinks he's so smart. I have a bad feeling that he is going to end up in trouble with the law somehow before this is all over.

Sounds like the dream sequence from Dallas when Bobby is in the shower....

Well, D!ck's still acting like a spoiled brat!

I got to court this morning hoping for some action only to learn that D!ck fired his attorney this week and already hired a replacement. My attorney is OK with the choice and thinks things will start moving along. The new guy even promised the credit card statements we've been waiting for.

This is exactly what my brother said would happen. He was an assistant DA for many years and said when criminals know they're guilty they change lawyers to stall going to jail.

Yep, D!ck is stalling to keep from having to pony up all the funds he misappropriated on OW and gambling.

And D!ck already has his new attorney snowed. Said the kids were coming around. Said he and DS are starting to communicate and he's been giving DS money for college. All LIES! This attorney will learn soon enough that D!ck is a "big hat, no cattle" kind of guy.

Which breaks my heart to see/hear/know the type of guy D!ck has become. Unrecognizable for sure. He's going down with the ship and he's too blind to see that he can step off. Just cut his losses. Cooperate in the divorce instead of trying to further fight it.

Ahhhh.... but we can't feel sorry for D!ck. He's obviously not too worked up about changing lawyers and having to pay a retainer since he's headed to Las Vegas tomorrow. Yep, he and the Bimbo will be celebrating his birthday in Sin City.

Back to court in a month.

HH,

Just keep on your path. Yes, he is stalling because he knows that he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

HH, this guy is so messed up that even if he did want to come back he would be a major project. The brain wiring has been so altered that he may never be the same person again. At the very least, it would be a heck of a long time.

Nah. The band on the Titanic played Nearer My God to Thee. Not D!ck�s style.

He's more like Cannibal Corpse playing Evisceration Plague at Ozzfest.

priceless. Soda just shot out of my nose.

I'm going to be sick.

Started wondering where D!ck "found" money to pay the retainer for his new attorney. Checked the credit cards and noticed he made a $6K payment. Hummm...

Checked his retirement account. Actually OUR retirement account. Noticed that he withdrew most of it -- lump sum -- in January. It SAYS disbursement -- but there is also a code next to it which might mean he actually transferred it elsewhere.

But transferred where? To account in Bimbo's name? To the Cayman Islands?

I called my attorney and was asked to bring in the information on Monday. And I was informed that D!ck's attorney delivered the credit card statements that we've all been waiting for.

And the clerk read off some of the credit card charges. Unbelievable that D!ck would give her our card to use months and months before he left. Just goes to show me what an opportunist she is and how much he was willing to sacrifice for her.

I'm ready for this financial mess to get out in the open. I want the world to see what this guy has done to our family.

Oh. my. goodness..
{{{{{[HH}}}}}}}

When you think it can't get any worse.... POW.

But I won't panic. There is a paper trail wherever the $ is.

He's in Las Vegas as we speak. I pray he isn't stupid enough to think that he can win his way out of debt.

I don't even know what to say anymore. Everyday is a threat to my sanity. I wish I could remove myself from the drama -- like a good Plan B -- but think what damage he would do if I didn't continue to snoop?

Plan B just isn't practical if you have a wayward pulling every deceitful trick in the book.

Plan B is exactly where you should be now. If you could talk to D# every 5 min he would still be able to lie and hide money.

What the heck are you up this early/late for?

Small TJ; My H and I have been having a hell of a timewith the relationship. (he will NOT dring the MB koolaid! grrrr.) Lately, I have been doing LBs and ignoring my anxiety and panic attacks. I told him I was going to file D(really did not mean it- but was in anguish)
I found out Thursday that he hired and FILED paperwork without even asking/tellng me. (got a big bowl of money from his brother, he did).
Well, after I lost it, he decided to put it on "hold"- <<gee going to sign away my life, savings house away with a D, but didn't feel the need to tell me first? What a hero!>>
NOW he's saying he's willing to work a MR program. I am not joking he was on his knees crying.

Says he thought for sure it was over, but does not know now.
Well, money, money, money, money. The great paper trail. At least not I am going to be able to get the financial truth.
that will tell me a whole host of other truths. I canforgive , but now I have a reason to verify.

AND going to sick the financial dogs on him, but honey, you started this.

I agreed to new course of panic/anxiety/anger work, he has agreed to change. Well, I found a great atty (I think God dropped him into my lap-top) and he is going to help me check the details.
trust but verify. He can not hide what he has been doing.

I feel like someone is in my corner now. At least I am standing up for myself (and will have all the money details explained)

HH,

I am so sorry to hear that it is getting worse. Really, the sooner you get out of this the better. Unfortunately, he is going to take you down with him at this point. He will be so far in debt that he will not be able to get out.

((((((((((((((((((HH))))))))))))))))

Oh, BarbieCat, sooooo sorry you are going through this. Sadly, trust and verify seem to be the theme of the day. "On his knees crying" is something I've yet to experience. If that means he's ready to commit to recovery, then perhaps your H has finally had that "ahh - ha" moment. Glad you found an attorney whose got your back. I, too, feel that my attorney was a godsend. One tough bird that D!ck can't snow.

And ChaiLover -- What more can I say? You've made it through the gauntlet and now it's my turn. No one can do it for you, I know. You just have to take the whacks and keep moving. I've got good running shoes and a thick skin and TONS of fans rooting me along. I see the prize ahead. Sooner may be better, but I'll finish when I finish. My head and heart are in the right place.

I realize that some people feel that I spend too much time focusing on D!ck in my Plan B. I hope that my sharing helps any BS out there to stop and wonder how far their wayward MAY go to justify their affair. It CAN get worse than imagined.

Remember this was a man with no prior history who made a u-turn when he hit midlife and is still headed in the wrong direction at warp speed. He is not my H.

HH,

I made it and it is finally a relief. It may have almost ruined me financially, but at this point I know that what I do from here on out will be MY choice.

He can now spend his whole paycheck on Miss Mullet and I don't give a rat's be-hind. And I don't have to listen to any complaints about how much I spend on my hair. I'm sure Miss Mullet is less maintenance than I am. Bottled hair color and half a haircut costs much less than my trips to the salon.

You are doing so well HH. Keep fighting for you and your kids.

D!ck gets to play "Dad" for two days. He's taking DD to check out a college several states away. He booked tickets, rental car and hotel for the two of them.

This trip took a long way coming. D!ck promised DD that they'd visit the campus back in November -- then at Christmas time -- then after the first of the year -- then February -- until FINALLY D!ck set the date.

But it hasn't been easy on all of us. DD had several phone conversations with D!ck -- and the crap he said to her. That his new attorney will rip me apart, that the police are investigating harassing phone calls to Bimbo, that he's unsure if she can stay by herself since the calls are so stressful on them both, that his former best friend (who's now dating my sister) is bad news because he "left his wife and kids."

D!ck's new attorney is a slimeball. He and his twin brother practice together. Both left their wives, and most of their clients are men in the same boat.

And the harassing phone calls to Bimbo. I swear I have no idea who is making these -- if there even are such calls. I've checked with all my family and friends on this. I wouldn't put it past Bimbo to be making the calls herself, or having a friend call, and frame me. Supposedly, the police are involved. I'm sure Bimbo is helping the search. She's probably also helping OJ locate Nicole's killer.

Now I know this is God's intervention. That of all people, my sister would be dating D!ck's former best friend. He's "former" because he's disassociated himself from D!ck when the affair became known. This friend was once "hit on" by Bimbo. But this friend knew the devil in the blue dress and he declined her company. Interesting, this friend dated a lot of Bimbo-types since his divorce 5 years ago. D!ck used to make fun of his friend's dates and even talked his friend out of marrying a GOLDDIGGER.