Today I had a bad day. There is this MM at work who is having an A with a S woman. It is so obvious that they are having an A. She goes into his office and stays for hours with the door shut. It just makes me so mad. I really hate that another woman can come into a M and do things to a MM that only his W should be doing and walk away scott free. The OW goes on with her merry life while the BS and MM go through hell trying to put their M back together. I just really wished she would have suffered. I know my DH made the choice to sleep with her but she knew he was M from day one. I find that I am still so angry with the XOW. My DH had to suffer through my anger for over a year and he took it and has been a wonderful H.

I just can't seem to get over my hatred for her. Did any of you feel hatred toward her/him like this? How did you handle it?

I never had hatred for OW, cobol, but what you should do is report this affair to the bosses at your workplace.

As well as the immorality (which they might not care about, seeing it as not their place to judge), it is harming productivity and leaving them open to a harassment charge, and possibly one of discrimination by female employees who sense favourable treatment. (By that, I don't mean being bonked on the desk by the married boss!)

You would be helping an unknowing BW find out about her H's abuse so that she can act on it.

Sorry you are having a rough day.

How come we BS's always play the same movie in our head that the OW's is having a great life. It may seem great from the outside but who really knows.

Its a tough road the recovery but once you get there you are the one with the MM and the OW has nothing.

I try to brush away any feeling of ratred by chanting and believing this.

THE OW DID NOTHING TO ME.
WHAT EVER SHE DID WAS FOR HERSELF ANFD HER SELFISH NEEDS.
SHE WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT ME NOR ATTEMPTING TO CAUSE ME HARM.

Yes her actions and choices caused me pain, but so did my DH's. How can I be willing and able to continue to love him and yet continue to punish and hate her for the same crime.
I feel sorry for OW that she tried to fill her needs with a man who was unavailable and now has to live with that guilt and the reality of loosing him.
I wish that there was a way for people to get thru to potential Waywards like the ones in your office and give them a and save them from themselves and endless grief in the future. But I sure they wont listen, they are in love, no one gets them like OP

Eventually you'll get other hobbies and leave the vengeance to God.

Totally agree with Sugs on the workplace sitch, though. Report no later than tomorrow!

I agree on the exposing at work. And tell his wife, too. Oh don't we only wish someone had told us as soon as they knew about A!

And yes, I can relate to your anger. However I do not believe they get off scott-free. I believe there is ALWAYS a consequence to sin, some of the consequences are easier to detect than others, but I believe they are always there.

The other thing that your post reminded me of is something I was recently thinking of concerning my friends. When we were younger (20's) it seems like a good majority of my friends (single at the time) messed around with married men at some point. I, however, never dreamed of touching someone else's husband...then or now. The puzzling thing is, those women are happily married, yet I'm the one who has the WH. How is that fair???

Yes, I am dealing with these same feelings, and it pains me because it is so out of character for me to have such negativism in my life. That people can cause so much damage and just go about their lives with no repercussions is quite hard for me. I know that my husband deserves blame, and he is having to deal with the consequences of his choices, but what does she have to deal with??? Knowing that she could sneak him away from his wife and children. She probably feels quite good about herself, and if you feel no consequences for your choices, what is to stop her from doing it again to someone else. I have alot of anger and I don't know what to do with it. I handle myself with class and everyone compliments me on that, but guess what, all that means is she gets away with it. I wrote a wonderful letter to her and every once in a while I go back and read it to give myself a little satisfaction that at least my point of view was heard. If you find an answer to this issue, please let me know! In the meantime...I will pray for both of us.

I hated Tramp-o-lean for a good while. I'm starting to be indifferent to her only now. You will get there.

As for the office tramp, I'd contact HR about the inappropriate behavior you have witnessed.

Call it what you will, but I think it's TOTALLY great that OW in my sitch is going to have to explain to OC one day why his daddy isn't around. She is going to have to explain how she screwed a married man WHILE she was still married. (Yes we have DNA.) In the NEAR future (if she hasn't already), she is going to have to explain to her bio kids WHY OC doesn't go with them to visit their dad and why OC has a different last name than them and their mom (yes, stupid OW gave OC MY LAST NAME!!!!!!!!!).

I don't hate her......I just think she is a freakin' idiot!!!!

AND....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE somehow let that guy's wife know about the A!!!!!!!! You will be doing her a HUGE favor.

EXPOSE

Tell his BW and head of the company.

I'm fifteen months into recovery, and there are some days that I still hate the POSOW with every fiber of my being (so I guess that means I'm not "there" yet). Despite the fact that I exposed to her BH, I'm not sure that she didn't put the "she's just a crazy b*^#h" spin on my exposure. He foolishly had always believed that my FWH was his wife's best friend at work--how stupid could he be to think that her having a male best friend was okay!!! I've always felt that she escaped her H's wrath by maligning me as a nutcase. She lost her part-time job with my FWH, who had always paid her way beyond what she was worth; and I hope that she felt like used gum on my H's shoe when it was over, but... Oh, yes, I still want her to
suffer!!!

It's interesting you say this. This is exactly what the OW in my sitch did. OWH discovered the A first and tried to expose to me, but was unable to get enough information to figure out who I was. When I found out, I immediately wanted to talk to him, but WXH went to great lengths to prevent me from finding out who he was. At the same time, OW was "warning" him that some "psycho" woman was going to try to contact him. We did eventually connect and figure this all out. OW continued to refer to me as "Psycho." About a year later when she was picking up her daughter at OWH's house, she went ballistic and ran over him with her truck and got charged with assault. Yes, this is the same woman who called ME "Psycho"!!!! (should have heard WXH's weasly excuse about this one!!!)

Things I like about the OW:
She is ostrasized at work.
She was fined 1 month's salary.
She will never be promoted again.

Things I hate about the OW:
She imitated my life with H, meeting his intimate ENs when I was far away.
Her H never exposed her previous A's at work.
My H will never hate her the way I do and will always be vulnerable to his feelings for her.


AM

Can the BH's join in?

It was 10 years before I found out about FWW's A. OM was single, 8-10 years younger,they worked together, he knew she was M. I blame both of them. They both made bad choices, but it was my W's responsibility not to let someone else in our M.

OM got married a few years after the A, had a kid. Yep, got away scott (not misspelled, pun inserted) free. He still called and emailed my FWW occasionnally. I emailed his W to let her know and see if she wanted additional details. Never heard back from her. My DD coincidentally works with OM's W.

I don't hate him. On occasion I do fantasize about pummelling the crap out of him.

I will also add, OM not suffering any consequences doesn't change what happened or have any effect whether I recover my M or not.

Yes.

I caught a mouse in a trap last night, it did not die immediately. I felt horrible for it's suffering.

In contrast

I would be pleased for OM to be slowly fillet alive, wile every medical technique known to man is employed to extend his life as long as possible.
Preferably wile someone taunted him.

I would then like to send a tape of it to his parent's, who knowingly encouraged there son to pursue a relationship with a married woman.

I would also like a tape of the event sent to his sister, who contacted me to threaten me with her husband coming to beat my but for stealing my wife from her brother. (He never did show up)




I'm still handling it, but it has gotten less since NC was established.

Nice visual! This was more the technique I felt appropriate for my DD's first husband.

Think Gerald Butler in "Law Abiding Citizen" in the scene where he brings the "victim" to his barn. But it would be slower.

Ok I have that out of my system for today.

Perhaps they are well aware of how things go and they watch their husbands like guard dogs over the hen house.

Larry