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Anyone out there have a good one already composed, what should it state.
I'm ready to take this to the next step......I have a couple of weeks to compose the letter and hopefully end my situation one way or another....
any tips would be appreciated.....


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
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is plan B inevitable? why are you opting for it?
blessing


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atena,
I have been trying to work a Plan A since Nov, hubby had an affair with a woman he works with and there is no way that he can leave work he is the boss, and he won't get rid of her, he said it would cost a lot. He is a lawyer she is one of the girls in his clerical pool.....
I have asked him to re-consider our separation plans and he has asked for more time to think but things are the same as they were in Nov......he still says he is not in love with me and I have even tried to re-establish a physical relationship with him, he can't seem to approach me at all, no hugging, no kissing and he is refusing sex most of the time, it's all me who makes the effort to do these things, we have sex a few times but always me...
I think it's been long enough,
I'm away in Florida with him for 2 weeks, his idea to go with me and then I think I will give him the Plan B letter and make him get off the fence one way or the other, I realize I will probably lose him but if he doesn't love me then he needs to move on with his plan to separate from me.......
It is hard on me and sometimes the rejection is to much to bear.......


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
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Classic post Sample Plan B .

Yes, you need to prepare to write one and plan logistics of plan B.

-rh-


Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

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thanks redhat, I should be able to compose something from all the letters that will suit my purpose.......


BW 56
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Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
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If you can, write it in your best handwriting on nice stationary.
It is more personal that way.

While in plan A in Florida.....make sure to strut yourself a bit (if you aren't already). Flashes of skin or downright topless in the motel room. Daring, confident, something for him to recall when you send him off and instigate plan B.

Yup, he isn't sexual with you cause he loves her. Your love bank is low (her account is high in the love bank right now because he hasn't been married to her for years and they haven't love busted much yet). You want to add all the deposits you can towards his emotional needs while in plan A. Just do the best you can and then go dark.


Last edited by reading; 02/24/10 06:06 PM.






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JT

I read some of your thread over the past few days.

One of the vets advised going all out on the trip with PL A and then when you get back go to PL B. This will Show him The wife he will be missing.

This would have the greatest affect of breaking up the A.

Is this your PLan?? Just wondering.

Nesre


M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011

Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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thanks reading and nesre,
Yes I plan on doing the best Plan A I can, even bought some new sexy things to wear at nite......I have been working out and I am in the best shape I've been in years.....pilates does wonders for your abs.....haha!!!!
I plan to be sweet,sexy, caring and fun to be around........we used to have fun doing things together, we are taking our golf clubs and plan on a couple of days of sharing our interest.....I have a couple of cute new outfits to go out for supper and drinks.....I'm going to look my best and smell my best at all times.......
Then after I get back from Florida I will give him my plan B letter and be clear what I expect from then on.....he will have to figure out what he wants without me in the picture........I'm prepared for the worst and I honestly think this is the only way for him to decide and It will be better emotionally for me, out of sight out of mind.....


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
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Originally Posted by jessitaylor
I think I will give him the Plan B letter and make him get off the fence one way or the other,
This is not a good reason to go into Plan B.

Quote
It is hard on me and sometimes the rejection is to much to bear.......
This is a good reason to go into Plan B.

Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

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Jessie,


I think you've done a great job with your Plan-A and Your right to move to Plan-B .....

Have you considered calling Steve Harley, He's great and can put some stuff in that thick head of your WH for him to think about when you go to Plan-B that will put more pressure on him to see the mistake he is making .....


I wish you would set up a call to talk to Steve....You will feel it's money well spent....His contact info is on the home page of the web site


This is the letter I gave my WW and Steve Harley helped me with it.... I hope elements of it can help you......

My Dearest WW,

The love and bond I feel for you endures to this day. When I think back to our 1st date hopping that freight train and riding it thru the tunnel and down the mountian it set a pace for our lives that we would not be ordinary!!! Backpacking the Tetons, flight school at Sheppard, buying the farm,the utter joy we both felt when our children were born and the blessing they have been in our lives. I could name a hundred more. I loved the way you made me feel as soon as I walked in the door and to this day you never fail to move my heart when I look at you.

I can't think of a time that I wished I was on a trip or was on a trip that I wasn't wishing I was home. Never did I feel you were anything other than completely happy in the life we shared.

I stayed because there is a way that you can be happy with me. I stayed because we've been given a way to be to do that. I stayed because of the legacy it will give our children. I stayed because I believe our survival as a couple is our greatest chance of a lasting happeness for both of us.

I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment that helped make your affair with (OM) possible . I was not there to met your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and now we are both suffering.

I am willing to do everything I can to create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I can't do that until you end your relationship with (OM).

Until then I will avoid seeing or talking to you. I also will not be able to support you financially except for some money to help you set up an appartment. I will continue your health insurance. I will continue to fully suuport the kids at school. I have spoken with your brother and he is willing to relay any message you have for me.

I ask that you respect my need to separate from you in this way. You must know that I have be enduring an unbearable level of pain, because of your continuning affair with (OM). I simply can not be with you anymore while you maintain your relationship with him. I still love you but I can't be with you under these conditions. It is harmful to everyone involved including the kids.

I eagerly await your brother's call that you have agreed to have no contact with (OM),and that you have agreed to turning the marriage into something we both enjoy. I stand ready to do everything in my power to be the partner in life that you deserve.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. For it to be something beyond both our imaginations, I look foward to the day when we will work together to build a lifestyle that makes us both happy. I want us to be best friends again.

WW,I loved you the day I ask you to marry me on the staff center steps, and I continue to love you right up to this day... I just can not be with you or help you as long as you continue your relationship with (OM).


Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
#2336411 03/12/10 11:29 AM
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Thought I would check in a give an update on my trip to Florida with WH, my husband wanted to go to Florida to see if somehow we could come to terms with our marriage breakdown and his affair.....
He has been honest and forthcoming with all the feelings and details of what has happened and I have made it clear what it would take to make things work for me........
I decided to do a Plan A and then make my final decision when I returned home.....try to make it work or separation.........
Plan A went great, we had a lot of fun, he even said it was the best vacation he has ever been on........
He even told me he loves me and wishes he could turn back the time and work things out with me instead of going to someone else.....
It's a lot of things to work out and I have told him any contact with the OW in anyway would be a deal breaker for me, we both have 3 weeks by ourselves to think things through and then a discussion and plan will take place, he has agreed to thearapy as a couple.......
One little bump on the way to Florida, the OW did text him to see how our drive was going, he showed it to me and he wrote her back saying Don't contact me anymore and my wife and I are trying to work things out on our trip. She hasn't contacted him now for 2 weeks........
I am getting ready to compose a Plan B letter, I have some questions for him when I return in regards to his feelings after we have spent time apart.
Depending on his answers I will decide to give him the letter or we will come up with a plan on how to resolve our trust issues..........
He has been great on the trip, very attentive, loving, caring.......we have a had a great physical relationship as well, had fun walking the beach, golfing, going out for drinks and suppers.........
What do you guys think, is this a man that sounds like he might want to work things out? I still don't know what to truly believe, so much self protection going on now............


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
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WHY are you all spending time apart NOW? This is a very bad move...... The vaca was good to help you two develope deposits in the LBs. Time apart NOW will erase all of that. If he wants to work things out now the best way to start is to continue being together...... Time apart from YOU will make him miss HER more and eventually he will cave into the temptation to contact her. He's an addict.....I am confused by this situation to be apart.....

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Originally Posted by jessitaylor
What do you guys think, is this a man that sounds like he might want to work things out? I still don't know what to truly believe, so much self protection going on now............
These are the types of things he would be willing to do if he is serious about ending the A and recovering the M:
~ writing a NC letter, using the model Dr Harley has in SAA (we can post it for you)
~ be willing to answer any questions you have about the A
~ change the conditions which facilitated the affair (for example, if they texted each other, change his cell #...if they emailed each other, change the email addy, etc etc)
~ agree to be 100% open and honest and transparent, sharing all passwords with you, accounting for all of his time

Is he willing to do these things?


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As I see it Plan B works only if there is ongoing contact with the OW, and you have Plan A'ed yourself to death.

No contact for 2 weeks is good. Why seperate? It also looks like your WH is trying to fix things.

I would suggest spending 20 hours UA together, and read books His Needs Her Needs, and SAA together.

Write a NO CONTACT letter together and send it, just to make sure that the OW understands that your H will not contact her, and that contact from her is not acceptable.

If the vacation went that well then keep it going.

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It seems that you did an awesome plan A. bravo !.

Quote
What do you guys think, is this a man that sounds like he might want to work things out? I still don't know what to truly believe, so much self protection going on now............

Separation doesn't sound like some one want to fix M. I would hand him plan B if he walked out from the house regardless what he says and go very dark Plan B !.

JMVHO. -rh-

Last edited by redhat; 03/12/10 02:05 PM. Reason: sp

Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

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not so fun,
I booked this trip away because he originally told me that he was going to move out and be with the other woman...that was way back in Nov.......he told me he told her then that they couldn't see each other anymore because he didn't want to lose his family......he seems sincere and he does seem to understand what he has done and what all this has done to me.....
The OW is away this week and then my husband is away for 2 weeks on a golf holiday with the boys and then we both are back around the same time..


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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SusieQ,
I think he would be willing to do whatever I asked him to do at this point He knows any contact at this point in any form is a deal breaker for me.....
He has agreed to marriage counselling as well.....


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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wheels a spinning.....
I think he truly is trying to work things out for us and we are already legally separated by law but still living in the same house, you can do that in Canada, he was suppose to move out but had every excuse as to why he couldn't. I find out now it's because he doesn't want the marriage to end and I think the fog might be lifting because he actually is saying he loves me, he is talking about another trip soon since he loved this one.....
I have asked him to some things that will put an end to the OW's contact with him and have asked for him to go to MC together , he has agreed and knows that any slip up at this point would mean the end without anymore chances...


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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Hopefully he IS trying to work things out. Is he willing to write a no contact letter to the OW?

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believer,
Yes he is willing to end things with the OW with whatever means he can....
the problem is he works with her but right now she is mad and is looking for work elsewhere, I'm praying that happens, my hubby is a lawyer and she is one of the law clerks.....touchy situation for him.......we have heard from a mutual friend that she is already looking for work elsewhere...I'm praying that happens......
He told me he feels guilty about what he has done and feels bad for her and her family as well.
I told him I would not tolerate him even being friends with her and that it would be up to him to show me what kind of man he really is if he wants this marriage to work.
I truly believe he is willing to do this, he said he is truly in love with me.
He has agreed to MC as well


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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