I like that one!

AutoZone is for sure a cut throat company...he knows her butt would be grass and he can't wait to move out of town.(to another AutoZone(sigh)). He thinks he'll have more oppurtunity at another store, though. I hope he's right.
I'm really not sure how to help him...I mentioned more school once and he is opposed to the idea, but I think it was what I suggested. He wants to open his own store for speed parts. there's nothing like that around here, and if we weren't moving I think that'd be a great idea. He has a great idea, and his eyes sort of twinkle when he talks about it. He even wants a garage in the store to install stereo equipment and simple parts. Maybe even to where guys who don't have a garage can come in and work on there own stuff.(my idea, but he might be thinking it too).

What are speed parts?

doityourself auto repair places have to be really, really careful because of liability.

Larry

Online courses in how to run your own business. I wish I had that when I started. Priceless knowledge. Like I said, made good money for a long time. Lack of knowledge and the wrong wife and it didn't stick like it should have. No excuse, just reasons, like how to do it - courses now available like never before.

Larry

Speed parts...hmmm, I guess it might be what I call them. Specialized parts for drag racers, parts for foreign race type cars. Stuff that AutoZone doesn't carry, or they have to order it. All the parts stores around here do not carry items like he would sell and there is a market for it here. I realize the need for carefulness with a DIY type of shop. I was thinking that there would be some type of fee to use the garage to help pay for insurance...or may be a waiver of some sort. I am actually going back to school, I was thinking that maybe I could take an online course for business and he could look over the work and learn some things as well. I would love to help him out. But, I just hear so much that married couples shouldn't work together, what do you think of that?

I am a former Master ASE certified Auto Tech and also was into the IM240 program from the start in the 90s. I had my own business also. I know the auto business well. Working on cars has been a sideline for me since I was young, but I was managing a factory at 19, and have worked in technical fields all my life. Telephone cable splicer, AT&T data tech, Scientific instumentation, all kinds of hi-tech crap. Also started colledge for sociology once...

Well jack of all trades.. out of nessicity really, now that Im disabled I am hoping to get back to colledge as soon as I take care of some health issues.

Today I have to go outside and get my sons 89 VW golf ready for a road trip. Its got 592,000 miles on it LOL. I need to think and perculate on what info you have given us before I can comment anyways. Yeah Autozone sucks, the woman boss is probably a manager because corporate didn't want her there.

I will bbl I gotta let this son ofmine mop the floor in comp room...


TTYL

Decent money, but not "Good" money. And mindless after you learn the basics, which doesn't take all that long if someone is willing to teach you. Other routes you took obviously increased to "Good" money as you learned.

Motivation is sometimes hard to find if you feel beat down by life. That obviously has never been your problem.

Jump in here. The lady needs it.

Larry

oooo, Hubby is ASE certifies in parts!! And the store manager can't even pass the test hahahaha. She failed it 4 times, and is CLAIMING she passed it, but hubby is yet to see the proof!
Btw, I just don't get how his boss has district and regional wrapped around her fingers?

I am a little excited and somewhat nervous at the prospect of going to the MC this week, my question is should I bring up anything that is about hubby (like the fact his two exes left him after 18 months and both left him for women?). He doesn't really open up about anything and seems to want me to do the talking.
What should be brought up?
We had a nice day today, we drove around country roads like we did in the dating days. But, there is still no romance, not even hints of it, but I guess I can't expect that. Just venting a little bit(do I have the right to do that?)

Vent all you want to. It is allowed. Venting helps the mind and contributes to well being. So yea, vent.

Uh, it is probably not a good idea to do it like your husband sometimes does, though. Vent here.

I haven't a clue what you might bring up with the therapist. I don't know him or his capabilities or direction he likes to go.

You might say that, "I am not always sure [husband] really wants to come here with me. But it is important to me and I want to thank him and tell him I love him right in front of you for being here with me."

What do you want to talk about?

Larry

What do I want to talk about? Hmmm, I'm not sure. Maybe I should start with having read through "The Five Love Languages" and that I practically underlined the whole chapter on physical touch, which is my love language. I am not sure what Hubby's are, but I am assuming for now that it's Quality Time...here it would be domestic support and just time spent together. I know his big one is domestic support and he needs to be in the 50's cuz I think he'd be in heaven, with the perfectly behaved children, and perfectly clean and spotless house.

Here is my vent, it is SO HARD to want to keep the house clean for him with almost no motivation, I need some ENs willingly met to have the motivation and the desire to meet his. I am not saying I don't want to, but he's not making it easy. When he started kissing me good-bye, instead of me kissing his cheek, I had all kinds of motivation and I could feel his Love Bank account growing...he's been taking withdrawals lately, and those good-bye kisses aren't making deposits large enough.

You know the song that starts out "I want you... to want me" well that's kind of how I am feeling. I want him to want to kiss and all that...I am so frustrated right now!!!

So have you two talked about the sexual frequency you both want and need and made a compromise? Maybe he wants it once every two months and you want it three times a week. See what it is and what things you like to do in bed and then make a compromise so both get satisfyed.
\
What i am saying is to learn to talk openly about the frequency of sex and each of your sexual needs.

I think you should vent and talk about both of your R historys and the marriage history---mention DR H and see if they are familiar with him also..

This program gives you guys the tools to work it out even to the point of what bagage your carring around


Sorry so quick and short response, gotta run at 6 this morning.

BBl W02, hang in there

Ok Im back for 1/2 hr. then off to pick up son. Its good to be busy tho.

Well I started my car business because i was tired of working on $35,000 pieces of scientific instumentation, modifiing, testing, packing and shipping between $100,000 and $300,000 a day of equipment and getting paid $10/hr.

I had three small kids and I could sometimes make $200 a weekend repairing cars.

Remember now, I didn't love tech work, I wanted to go to Colledge and get a BA, then go to law school, and get into civil law. Putting a honest roof over my familys head took precidance tho.

So I went and took all 8 ASEs in the two days allotted and passed 6. Worked for a chain shop and a private one or two. Then when I was throwing papers one morning before going to work at 7 I decided I was gonna start pricing and doing my own jobs out of my truck. I finished my other 4 ASEs and The emission tech tests and was booked two weeks ahead of time for two years. It beat the heck out of my body but the dream was to get a loan and open a shop where I could start making the real bucks.

Even with a stellar reputation and a solid customer base of 300 nobody, bank or friend, wanted to invest so I went back to work in the instrumentatuion place 6 years later a beaten man... lol j/k. But family problems played a part too.. thats another story.

The auto business is tough, I allways did the job right and gave a great price. I repaired many other techs problems and solved many mysterys. But that part just took hard work and determination. "If one man built it I could understand and repair it" was the rock that I held onto when it came to real challenges. It was dealing with pppl that was the challange that drove me buggy.

I thoughtI would be successful for a couple of reasons.
1.. I took pride in doing it right and being honest.
2. In time I would get better and faster and experianced and just look at the business driving everywhere on all the streets. It would never run out.

Getting a customer to trust you took a time of investment and funny thing is, if you don't charge them enough, they think they musta got ripped off. They all like to [censored] about how much it costs anyways. Customers will sell you down the road for $5 and they are likly to believe in big chains because of the commercials and of course the shiny toolboxs. The atvantage of insurance a corp has and the backup of other mechanics is the only real good part of that, and its nice but so much crappy work and lies come out of those shops. The problems I have seen and fixed ,lol.

A parts man who knows what heis doing is worth a million. Just like hairdressers and mechanics can take thier customers with them wherever they go, s can a great parts guy. I allways had my guys too at all the stores. Your hubby listens to all kinds of fools all day long tell him the wrong info and then blame him. He also knows when the books are wrong and where the best quality parts are, the good junkyards. all that.


Speed shops are great but there ya go again with enough business to keep them afloat. You almost gotta run in the racing circles, or advertize out the wazoo to get enough business. A combo internet sales and local shiny new wheels shop could make it off the ground maybe. really couldn't say. He would need ppl he could trust to run it with him tho I would think.

Well I had a hunch he was a parts counter guy way back when you were talking about him and his job. I could just hear it if YKWIM.

All day long he hears men,(maybe women too), bit&thin about something stupid there worker did, their spouse wants or did, the customer said or didn't pay them, or the athritis that has finnally caught up to them. There are mechanics out there that can't read, never understood mark twain and really aren't cut out to "understand" ppl but are far better mechanics than many becuase they have hands on reality on thier side.

This is the world that Hubby lives in as far as the "mans" perspective goes. This is what he has to respond to many times and it is very stressful.

I have a freind who spcializes in VWs in his own shop. He comes from Germany. He is one of the guys who the collectors bring the antiques to for appraisal. He says in germany mechanics wear suits to work, change into jumpsuits and after work shower and put on thier suits to ride the bus home. WE should have that kind of professionalism here. But we sell american stuff and the greed has ruined our product.

More later....

That is exactly what my Hubby has to deal with and sometimes I think he doubts himself. I think he is the best at what he does...he is the top salesmen at AZ and his numbers are always above everyone elses including the manager. I think he is getting tired of dealing with people. But the thing that makes me think he is doubting himself is the sound in his voice when he was talking about the new guy. The way he sounded, this guy is an equal to his knowledge. I was trying to tell him that I think he's the best one there and I don't care what this dude knows. My hubby knows his stuff and knows that store, there is none better than him IMO!

Have you fully solved the problem of why you went and got 6 lovers early on in your marriage? You did not think your husband was the best...back then...

I was a fogged up alien fool 5 years ago. I truly love him and think he's the best at a lot of things...and back then I thought he was the best at his job, I have always thought that no matter how foggy I was. But, the fog has completely lifted and I feel it's time to recover from the huge nasty mess I made. Only after a chance of recovery is given and if hubby doesn't want to move on with our marriage it may be best for our children if we divorce...I have to say the very sight and the very thought of that word is just so upsetting and I hope with everything that is in me that our marriage doesn't end that way. If that happens I will be distraught for a VERY long time!!

Stella, do you think that perhaps she is here working on that very question? That perhaps the MC is also directed at that?

And that this isn't something that is answered concretely, with one sentence, but is perhaps answered as a process of insight and over time?

I think so.

wife-02

I've seen you ask some good questions about your husband and how to change HIM.

My consistent advice to you is NOT to ask those questions.

You cannot change HIM.


Here is how to effect change in other people:


CHANGE YOURSELF


I'm serious.


The only way to effect consistent and long-lasting change in your life, to force people to react differently toward you, and to hold others to change their behavior toward you, is to change YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR and to consistently and permanently seal that change within yourself.


Consider this as an example:

Your husband yells at you, and your usual reaction is to yell back. He then yells back, name calling begins, and the argument heats up.

This is "normal" for a pattern, correct? You would yell back and forth, "anybody" would.

But - what if - big what if here!!!! WHAT IF, that very first yell back didn't happen? What if your behavior were altered drastically, and that pattern were not allowed to happen? He MIGHT keep yelling, sure. But the true "argument" pattern would be ILLOGICAL on his part, because he could not argue with - nobody - because if your reaction were completely changed, that pattern by logical standards MUST CHANGE.

Therefore, because YOU change, he MUST CHANGE.

So let's see.....your husband yells at you and you say something like, "I can see you are upset about XXXXX. Let's talk about it when you are calmer, say tomorrow at 4:30." And you DISENGAGE - period - and you are sweet, and go do the laundry, and you do not mention it at all until tomorrow at 4:30, and you open the discussion and say, "I thought about why you might be angry, and you had a point. I think I should work on trying to alter my behavior on that. No need to fight about it. I'm working on that."


Hmmmmmm


How can anyone fight? If there's no fight? No yelling back?

Or, if he calls you a name about a remote control, you look at him and say, "Gee, I can see that you really need control of the TV. Let's talk about this at another time when you aren't so angry about the remote control, here, you can have it. Maybe next Saturday at 3:30 when you've had time to cool off."

Each time you softly, sweetly, point out that HIS anger level is too high and you are willing to put it off, not fight, and take time to think....so will HE.


And absolutely put it off. Make that the issue - putting the anger off - because the two of you are too easy to set the place on fire! You MUST keep this on track, because the guarantee here is that YOU will be calmer, and the both of you will have thought about how STUPID the issue was in the first place by the time the "talk" comes around.

And over time, you will have the skills to make the switch for your anger to be pulled not in just a second, but it will take a longer time, because you will be training yourself in this process to stop and think.

And you will also be showing him to do the same thing - because YOU ARE CHANGING THE GAME

Not because you are asking him to change.

You haven't asked him to do anything but take some time "later" to talk about whatever the two of you are fighting about.



You can do this with any change you want to make - if you see a pattern, change that pattern by changing


YOUR ROLE IN IT


And by the logical process, the other person's role must also change.


SB

So,

Since hubby hasn't a clue how to recover, you have to do the heavy lifting. He will punish you for x period of time until he gets tired of it, or you do.

Divorce would be devastating to him, period.
_______________

Ok, why all the shut ups [shaddup]. I started it. I was reminding myself not to post some stuff on someone's thread that was. . . premature. Pep picked it as a joke and then Mel. Mark got in on the act and it went from there. At first I thought Pep was shaking her finger at me over a very hard post I did on 26 thread. Then I noticed that she actually put it in her sig before I even did the post. So it was friendly picking going on near as I can tell. That said, Mel does have a habit of saying "shaddup" when someone teases her.

End of story and I am sticking to it

Larry

02

I just love it when schoolbus, er, takes someone to, uh, school.

She is sooooo good at it. Mark her words. Remember the little exchange of words I played for you? The one you liked so much. Well, SB is giving you the good version of that. I didn't have the words. She does.

SB, you did good, to the heart of the matter, again.

Larry