Let me try to make this perfectly clear...

I do not dwell on OM. I try everyday to be a better person. I do realize that I was at one time a skank--and I am truly remorseful for that. I wish that I could go back and change the way I acted but I can't. All I can do it concentrate on the present and the future.

I do pray for OM's BW and for their family and for their recovery as well as my own. I WISH that I could make ammends to her. I am concentrating on MY marriage. I have repented for my sins and have begged for forgiveness.

I apologize for offending ANYONE. I am 100% responsible for my actions and I have owned that. No one can control me but me. I am trying to forget that I ever even knew this man. And, I'll just leave it at that.

stilldawn:


Ever hear that old saw about "You can run but you can't hide?"

Well, it isn't true. This especially the case when we play mind games with ourselves. Our minds twist themselves into a stack of pretzels trying to run from what we have done.

You are sorry for what you did. Ok, I buy that.

But why are you sorry? Because it brought you pain at a later date in your life? Because it was wrong and you paid the price is what I suggest.

You learned a life lesson. Maybe.

Now you focus on the pain to justify that you did a bad thing that brought you the pain but was fun while you did it. This is like the religious fanatics who whip themselves because they are sinners. And all the time they are whipping themselves, they remember the sin they committed and how they liked it.

Better: Try this; You got infatuated. Infatuation is fun, just read any Harlequin book to see why. You could have been infatuated with a man who was NOT married. The only part of the fun that was bad was who it was with. And for that, you paid a price.

There are dozens of people on here who can tell you how easy it is to become infatuated. Dr. Harley has a great way if you are married and really want to learn. If you are married, you can become infatuated with your husband. It is dirt easy and just takes some time.

Got it?

Larry

Your other posts contradict this.

Cobal:

I visited a couple of sewers. I did so again last week. This doesn't mean I like the smell. The sewers were sites where mistresses and XOW and the like hang out. They are pity parties for the most part. I also visited a site where married people go to find, uh, fun.

I won't say who, what or where. That would be like telling someone where the sewer plant is so they can smell it too. I went there to remind myself that there is a good reason why adultery is a sin. And that even the ones you think don't pay a price, they really, really do. And many have no clue the price they are paying unless they look at the marks on their soul. In some cases, it was like a Dorian Grey thing.

Trust me, from the pity parties I read, the Karma bus drives around picking up pond scum and delivering them to their fate.

Larry

That statement is completely at odds with this one, made yesterday:

In that statement, you said that you think about the other man. To imagine his life as "peaches and cream" is to think about him, and to feed your resentment about what he did "to" you.

He didn't do anything "to" you; to have been able to be in a position where you were able to listen to and believe in a married man's lies, you did this to yourself, and to your H.

You were not conned by a man who passed himself off as single when he was not. You were not deceived in any way. You knew he was a married man, and therefore a liar and an abuser since he was involved with another woman whilst still married.

I appreciate your apology, Dawn. Thank you.

I would like you to see, though, that my post was not really about the offence you give to BSs on this board. I'm not even sure that I feel offended by you; you haven't insulted me as a BW.

It's more that I feel sorry for you if you are trying to recover your married and still feeling resentment for FOM. That resentment for me is a sign of how much you invested in that affair. You actually went as far as believing in the truth of FOM's words, and thinking that there might be a future for you with him. You must have disinvested almost completely from your marriage to have adopted that mindset.

That in itself is understandable. To be prepared to see an affair through, a FWS must be disinvested from the marriage. What strikes me now is that you are still not invested in the marriage if you can still write with such resentment about the lies XMM told you and how you believed them, and how he has got off with his abuse.

If you had your feet planted firmly in your marriage, you would shudder at the thoughts you had then, and be amazed that you were unable to see your marriage and husband clearly. You would be focusing now on how you let your marriage get into the slump that no doubt it was in, and you would be working on the Harley methods with joy at the knowledge of the intimate, romantic and interconnected marriage they can now bring you.

With an "all in" mindset, you would only think of the affair as you at your worst; as you as someone you have left behind; as you then as someone you will never be again. You would not think of that MM and what he did to you and why he isn't suffering.

You are harming your own and your H's marital recovery by even taking time to write what you did. You need to tune out those thoughts when they come until one day, your only feelings about the affair will be of regret for what you did to all the innocent parties involved, and gratitude for a chance to be reborn.

You are correct Pep, however I have not wasted my time or energy on her for a very long time because as you stated she is not worth my time or energy, it is better spent working on positive things than the negativity that is brought to mind with even the thought of her. Although it did take time to get to that point.

I do still however want her to suffer for her actions as it SEEMS as though she got away scott free.

Still


I doubt it. I have viewed the sewer where some of them dwell and they clearly didn't get away scott free. Even as they argue about whether or not they did and have a group pity party. It taints the soul.

Larry

Yes i am a person of faith and i know that on judgement day she will have not gotten away "scott free" with anything and it is not mine to judge her anyway.

Thanks for the hugs.

I am sure you are correct Larry, it just sometimes seems like women like the one in my sitch just go through life hurting so many people and not even caring about it that it angers me when i do think about it.

But like i said before i don't spend my time thinking much about her anymore and when i do it is just wondering whose husband she is sleeping with now.....

But like i said before i don't spend my time thinking much about her anymore and when i do it is just wondering whose husband she is sleeping with now.....

This is exactly how I feel. I found out the XOW in our case was yet again seeing another MM. She was also seeing other men while she was sleeping with my DH. It's funny because my DH actually thought she was a nice girl. When my DH and X-other-skank were found out two other men came forth and my DH told me that she told him that she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, and I just looked at him and asked him how in the world he could believe that he was the only one. He was real retarted for a while.

I also reported the two ppl who are having a fair at my job. I actually saw them in his car kissing. That was a really bad trigger for me. When they saw me looking at them they looked like they had seen a ghost. I wish I knew the man's W, I would let her know also.

Wow, there's a lot to catch up on from yesterday.

Dawn, I haven't heard so much fog since the last time a new WW stumbled in right off the street. Ok, maybe that was day before yesterday, but still...

There are so many examples I could cite, but will stick with one. Compare the above quote with this:

Concerned??? Even very concerned?????

I ripped apart a family ~ TWICE ~ and I'm very concerned.

I screwed around with someone who didn't belong to me ~ TWICE ~ and I'm very concerned.

I shattered the lives of little children ~ TWICE ~ and I'm very concerned.

I ripped the heart out of OM's BW ~ TWICE ~ and I'm very concerned.

I traumatized her more than a rapist would have ~ TWICE ~ and I'm very concerned.

I cut out my own BH's guts and then stomped on them ~ TWICE ~ (different man each time, same disembowelment) and I'm very concerned.


And yet, when the subject comes up, it sounds as if what you're most concerned about, deep down even if it doesn't come up every day, is that OM didn't have as many consequences as you.

I'm just trying to picture how the court would view a rapist who had a chance to apologize to his victims before sentencing. "Your honor, I know what I did was wrong, and I take 100% responsibility. I am very concerned about the damage I did. However, that rapist over there didn't have nearly as stiff a sentence as the one I face."

Time and again, in nearly every post you've made on this thread, your lack of genuine repentance shines through. I know what genuine repentance looks like in a WS, having seen it myself close-up for almost 5 years now. It's what I want for you, and any other WS, which is why I even take the time to wield this 4x8.

HOORAY for Cobol girl!

Question?

Since this is MB, and Still Dawn is here posting, on MB. Which is a site about saving and building better mairrages....


Why are y'all concentrating on what she did to OMW? Yes it's tragic, but she was not married to OM. Here responsibility is to her BH!

An example I have read in this thread.

You knew you where going after a MM before anything ever happened.

Would it not be more appropriate to say

You knew you where married before you ever got involved with OM, and OM new he was married also!

Your concern seems to be way more centered on OMW, than on her own BH.

Or am I just being biased in my reading as a BH.






Steel Dawn
I am curious though, how have you suffered?

Just to toss out my .02, the whole discussion of Dawn's attack on OMW and her own BH are very appropriate, since until she reaches a place of true remorse for what she did, her M will have no chance to fully R. At best, she'll be stuck in a half-baked fog-bound ball-and-chain union.

I also think a big reason most of this particular discussion has centered around OMW is because of the not-so-veiled hostility Dawn has betrayed toward that particular victim. Her resentment toward OMW oozes out all over the place.

She may or may not be recovering well with her BH (I suspect not, and that's a whole nuther discussion), but she hasn't shown the same animosity toward him as toward the woman who won back Dawn's adultery partner.

Agree with NEAK, it is very appropriate on a thread where the topic is about the OW. OW very much have a responsibility to all their victims, not just their BSs, they didn't harm ONLY their own BS, they harmed 2 BS's, their children, family members. Climbing into bed with a married person is an immoral, hateful act.

I just skimmed over this thread since it is timely for me today.

I realize that I have no resentment towards OW anymore and I would swerve to miss her if she fell in front of my car - This is growth.

I have not seen OW in 4+ years.
What if some terrible fate had befallen her 3 years ago?
What if I had been carrying around this hatred for all these years? (When I typed in "hatred" it came out "heatred", I don't need that heat).

Gack, the reason that replies such as this were given is that DAWN CAME TO THIS THREAD FIRST talking about the XMM and how he has not suffered. She brought his marriage up, not us. She stated that she imagined his life to be peaches and cream, and that she was the "only one" who had suffered for what they had both done.

I will speak for my replies: they were to tell her that first, she should not be thinking of that man at all; she should be thinking of her BH. Second, if she had to think of that marriage, she should train her thoughts away from the resentment she obviously felt towards the fact that the marriage survives, and think about the harm she had done to the innocent BW and children. She should not imagine that the BW's life was "peaches and cream"; she should realise that the BW's suffering was much worse than her own, and that she had brought her suffering on herself. The BW did not ask for, nor deserve this.

I told her to look at the harm she had done to the BW because she was only focused on the "harm" that had been "done to" herself; harm which she chose.

Here again is one of my relies. you will see that I DO advise Dawn to focus on her own BH and to stop grieving the fact that the XMM's marriage did not break up. How vicious to wish a break-up on that innocent BW.


Do you realise that Dawn was an interloper in this same marriage TWICE over something like a 20-year period? The first time, both marriages broke up, although the MM later rebuilt with his XW. Now this poor BW finds the SAME OW interjecting once again in the marriage she has fought to reconstruct; and here is Dawn, still mourning the fact that his marriage is intact and she is suffering.

Dawn needs a kick in the pants for that attitude. I think my post, and the others, ARE about the debt she owes her BH, and that is owed to all BHs such as you. I don't know how you could fail to see that.

I'm still hoping one day that OMW will snap and feed XW a face full of 12guage.

As for OM, I know he will pull his stunt yet again as it's his hobby. Maybe the next BH will feed him into a wood chipper.

Waywards, you deserve what you get, no matter how "repented" you are. You repented for you, not the betrayed.