Sorry your son's BD wasn't the best ever. But he will have many more, and hopefully better ones.

It's hard when everyone is sick, so just hang in there. Later you can do some snooping, because I guarantee that you will remain in limbo until you find out what is going on and EXPOSE.

{{{{{PM2}}}}}

This is really, really hard. Hang in there.

I want to caution you to guard your thoughts. Your above post is full of hopes and expectations of a quick resolution. Even if you're not aware of your expectations, they keep leaking out.

Give your expectations and timelines over to God. Your chances of winning the war and restoring your M are excellent overall. Your chances that it will happen by this date or that other date are very small. Put it in God's hands. He knows what will happen, and will give you the strength you need for each day between now and then.


This is concerning. You need to clear this up with your DS asap. He needs to know that none of this is his fault, and none is your fault. How confusing it must have been to hear you affirming his misunderstanding that somehow anyone else besides WH was to blame.

I don't say this to beat you up at all, but only to direct your handling of situations like this in the future. What he always needs to hear from you is that it isn't his fault, it isn't your fault, and that only WH is responsible for his choices to leave the family.

Then come on here and rant all you want to. We'll pat your head and reassure you that it wasn't your fault, and support you so you can be strong for the kids.

The load you're carrying is heavy enough. Don't pick up anyone else's burden besides.

I definitely want resolutions to the horrible mess and know that it is not in my time frame. I do feel that I have somewhat handed this situation over to God, but I am sure that things sometimes leak out here when I am talking about what is going on. Nothing helps that I am exhausted, frustrated, saddened, and actually think I may be coming down with what everyone else has tonight and don't have time to. This weekend was really hard because I just felt awful for DS.

As far as the situation with DS, I have repeatedly told him that all of this is not his fault, but am pretty sure that he doesn't fully believe it. It's hard to tell him that this is not my fault because I am hoping that it makes him feel less like it's his fault. I do let him know that WH is the one who left and that I want him to come home. I do hold a significant part of the blame for the situation because of the financial part that I played in keeping this a secret from him. I know that WH made the choice to go outside the marriage (children do not know this now) and that he made the choice to leave the family.

I definitely need the strength right now to get through these fews days with everyone sick, not getting enough sleep, extra stuff to do with unclogging toilets (repeatedly from our children) and extra laundry with everyone getting sick. Maybe now that his birthday is almost over (tonight) I will have a little more strength and a more positive attitude about things. I think more than blaming myself for the current situation with WH and myself, I was blaming myself for not giving him a good birthday.

All Right...some of this may not make much sense and I might have said things in a way that I didn't mean since my mind is possibly being taken over by fever. I will listen to what you guys have to say and also re-read this post after I am feeling better to make sure that I really said what I meant.

PFM2- Neak was simply trying to point out something that she could see in your posts to enlighten you and help you. It just is something you may need to give thought to and figure out why she would say that.(Sorry to talk for you Neak, but when I read that I "saw" what you meant and remembered that I was like that too).

Please don't think that ANY of this is your fault. Yes your M wasn't what you would call a fulfilled M before the A. Were you partly responsible for that? Sure. Are you working at figuring out how to have a fulfilled M for both you and your H. You BETCHA. Don't focus on that part. Learn what you can and grow.

As far as what DS feels, do you mean that he doesn't know that WH had an A? If that is the case, it makes me really sad. You need to tell him PRONTO(well maybe not tonight that would RUIN his Bday). DS knows that SOMETHING is wrong and when kids aren't told the truth they will internalize it and blame them self. If you aren't telling him that the reasons for your problems are the A, then he will think it is him. Just think about this. I know you have a lot to think about and you may be getting sick.

Naw, you're right on, Scotty. And the main reason I bring it up when I see it whether it's you or anyone else, is warding off the Disappointment Monster. He lurks in the Forest of Expectation and saps much-needed energy from Betrayed Princesses, energy they need to battle the Adultery Dragon. Repeated attacks can be even more draining, sometimes even leading to a trip on the Path of Phooeyonyou.

And you took the words right out of my mouth about telling the kids. Even children as young as 4 or 5 can understand that Mom or Dad has a girl/boyfriend and that's not ok. Bigger kids understand much more, and have a realistic reason for the destruction of their family. Without that understanding, they will always blame themselves, no matter what anyone else says.

PM, rest and try to beat this bug. There may be a few opportunities for some easy Plan A stuff that present themselves, but mostly just worry about you and avoid lovebusters. Anything else till you're well is just icing.

It's extra difficult trying to deal with all this while you're not feeling good. As soon as you're feeling better, you can get back to work.

Love how you explained the Disappointment Monster, Neak. That was the real killer for me. So many hopes dashed, heartbreak over and over.

{{{{{{{B}}}}}}}

You're good peeps. XWH put you through so much, but despite his efforts you're pure gold.

(FYI...this is a scream and rant because, well, I need it)

My WH is an a**!!!!!

I needed that after today. I sat through an IEP case conference for one of the students that I work with and had to fight every second to not bust out balling my eyes out. The parents were divorced and both attending the meeting. I watched the student trying to make eye contact with her dad (when her mom wasn't looking) and give him a smile and a small wave when he did look at her. You could see that she didn't want her mother to see, almost as if she would have been in trouble if she indicated that she was glad to see her dad. Her dad did not say one word during the entire conference, probably because he was afraid to say anything to upset the mom or maybe she would have jumped all over him if he did.

This broke my heart ever thinking that things like this might ever be in my children's future. I had to wait until after school when I could call someone and ball my eyes out, yell and scream, etc.

Like I said, this was just me venting some more before wanting to go out and cause harm to WH. Have more to say, but will have to come back as my computer battery is going to die, didn't get home until after 8pm, and needing to take my shower.

You are doing fine. Just the fact that you are able to do so well at work is very encouraging. The affair will end as they almost always do, you can count on that.

Glad you didn't get sick, or did you?

I think I was more drained than actually sick. Some symptoms, but after a respectable sleep, felt better. Thanks.

Some fast but icky bugs are going around here, too. Blech! Hope all your sickies have fully bounced back by now.

Not feeling well again. Granted it doesn't help that I woke up at 3am and was not able to go back to sleep at all. Won't be able to go to bed until 11pm or later tonight plus worked student teaching all day and two clients afterwards. Exhaustion or actually sick?? Who knows?? Of course, not feeling well makes me feel even more depressed about everything going on. DD called and left me a message on my cell when I was in my last client. It took 3 minutes to finally say what it was she wanted, but she said "I hope you have a good day" followed by a bunch of babble that included love you and a few other things like that. Cried all the drive home (30 minutes). Killing me slowly!!

Are you waking up every night? If so, it is a sign of depression.

Well, hope you can make it until the weekend.

Give yourself a couple more days to get better, in case you're just sick, and then it's probably time to start making preparations for Plan B.

Even during the prep time, you can probably get in another good, solid 2 weeks or so of a superb Plan A, especially if there's a concrete end in sight.

Over the weekend, if you feel better, we can start helping you make up a list of what you need to do before you go dark.

Plan A is so draining, and you'll want to be sure to conserve enough energy to work on R when it's time for that.

Do I wake up every night??...I wake up at different points every night, but not usually to stay. I have had a history of insomnia growing up and it would usually only last a couple of days and the longest was I think 2 to 3 weeks.

Today was a rough day for me...first off, forgot about DS's tuba lesson. Fortunately, DS remember while my mom was driving him to school. I had her write a note and sign my name to it. (I know, not right thing to do, but no other options at that point.) This was supposed to be my only day to be able to come straight home from student teaching. Well, after picking DS up from tuba lessons, got a phone call from DD's Daisy troop leader and I had forgotten to send a note for them to pick her up to go on their field trip. So...DD got off the school bus and I had to throw her in the car and drive over to the dentist office for the tour. Stayed with her until it was over and then came home.

What should have been a relaxing afternoon turned into a nightmare of all my mistakes. I am exhausted tonight. I still have quite a bit of planning to do for my students tomorrow because they actually worked extremely hard and have a great chance of winning their reward and getting to play a math game instead of doing all paper/worksheet work. Rough on me, but great for them.

Kinda of struggling with feeling the desire to go to IC session for myself tomorrow. I know I need to but the desire is not there. The easier appointment will be Saturday for the kids because it doesn't involve me having to talk about myself. I know a lot of this is being tired from lack of sleep and sickness.

WH just called from the station like normal. He talked to me for a little bit and then asked if DD wanted to talk. When I told her daddy was on the phone, she didn't want to talk. WH told me next time to just say that she has a phone call and not tell her who it is. I don't know if he thinks she is dumb and won't know who it is or what. I just want to smack him and say "Get a clue buddy! Your daughter is starting to separate from you because you an a** and choosing OW over your own family!!!!" (OK rant over!)

He talked to DS and something upset DS because he got an attitude with WH. Obviously WH wasn't happy with him because I heard DS say sorry to him. Finished their conversation and then handed the phone back to me. Talked for a few more seconds about his schedule for the next week, and WH won't be able to see the kids much, if at all, for an entire week. Should be a real eye opener for him. I will say I took the opportunity to tell him that he could just come over and hang out for a little bit with us at home if he wanted. He made a comment that sounded like "OK, maybe" but gave no true commitment.

I don't think that I posted this yet, but MIL, FIL, SIL invited the kids and I up to their house for nephew's confirmation at church (I am his sponsor) and then to celebrate Easter afterwards. WH is working at the station on Sunday so it was known from the start that WH would not be able to go. But to say they were going to go ahead and celebrate Easter on that day means that they are not likely going to have another Easter with WH and the kids. I (somewhat)asked or maybe told WH that they had invited us for the confirmation/Easter since it is his family and said that I was considering going. I wanted to make sure that he didn't have a true problem with it. His statement was that he would be working at the station and couldn't go and didn't have plans for Easter with his family. Don't know how WH viewed this invitation to the kids and I. We are going.

I asked/mentioned to WH that I didn't know what he was thinking about Easter. He didn't really make any real comment about things. We were also invited to go to see my brother and SIL in North Carolina for my nephew's birthday. I will be working and so will WH but I was checking with him to see if he would have any problems with the kids going with my parents down for the birthday. He hummed and hawed for a little bit about whether he was OK or not. It is at the end of their spring break so it is not like it will effect school. He finally said that he was OK with it. When I told him we were all invited, his comment was that he, of course, couldn't go because of working on any nice days that he can with all these outside jobs.

Sounds like you are still maintaining. What I meant about waking up in the middle of the night is if it happens consistently, and you can't go back to sleep, it is a sign of depression. I used to wake up at 3:00AM on the dot, then wouldn't fall asleep until about a half hour before I had to get up for work. It was awful.

Be sure and go to your in-laws for Easter. Try to take pictures and have them around the house. Then you can also let him know how much FUN it all was. All the things he is missing won't sink in right away, but will build up. Count on that.

Thanks! We will be going up on Sunday. The easy part is saying that WH is working (because he is). The hard part will be not breaking down and crying like I always seem to do. We will take pictures and place them around the house and the kids will be able to share about all their fun.

Just thought that I would give a quick update since it seems to have been forever since posting anything.

Had a good Sunday at WH's parent's house. The hardest part was being at church with people who have known WH for years and kept asking questions, telling me how much DS looks just like WH (and he does), and people who were not sure about who I was asking if I was the daughter in law of his family. I was nice because I really wanted to say something like "I still hope so" but didn't.

Had a chance to talk with MIL and SIL about everything. They know the full story and order of when and how things started which they did know for 100%, i guess, along with not fully being clear on the fact that he was living with OW. Nice change of place, and as scary as this sounds since IL's and I have not had a great relationship in the past, I did not want to leave and have to come back to our house (hard to call it a home right now).

Did find out that he led MIL and FIL to believe she had some money, which is hard to believe since they are living in an apartment and not a house.

Now for the newest horrible experience...my mother went into the hospital this morning. She was taken by ambulance. Found out she has kidney stones. The size of the stones is gray as to whether they will pass on their own or not. I was student teaching when my dad called on my cell. Do not have the ringer on, but do check it frequently. My heart sank when I saw his number because he NEVER calls me during the day. When I got his message, it took everything I had not to break down and run out of the school and race to the hospital. The only thing that kept me from doing that is that I know my mom would have been mad and felt guilty if I missed any of my student teaching.

She is home from the hospital now and sleeping under heavy medications.

DS had baseball practice tonight and I went over to church to download the music to prepare for all the services this week. Talked with my pastor, who will only serve one more service before he suddenly retires (breaks my heart. The next worst relationship I have lost). Found out that WH met and talked with him extensively one day recently. My pastor told me about what all he had said and talked with WH about, but, understandably, not about what WH said back. I totally understand that as a matter of confidentiality.

OK, need to take my shower and send a goodnight text to WH. He has to work from 7:30am to midnight tomorrow after working a 24 hour shift at the station today. Then turns around and works 7-3 on Friday and has two yard jobs in the afternoon evening on Friday. He is picking DS up to help him, so I thought that I would pack them a little snack cooler when he comes to pick him up.

Forgot two things...WH responded to an email that I had sent to him about the kids and made an odd statement that since he is working so much, he is not "seeing" her much. My first response (only in my head with my tongue being bit) was "Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" My poor tongue is going to be bruised or end up getting bit off because I bite it so much in order to not say the things I want. Didn't really know what to say so that I wouldn't say the wrong thing.

After texting WH about my mom because I didn't know if he would be at the hospital today while she was there, I talked to him when he texted me back to call him. He asked how "mom" was and not how "my mom". He has finished the last few phone calls with "see you" or "talk to you later" where before he would just say goodbye. Probably means nothing, but just noticed these things. He was in a very good mood at the station today both times I talked to him.