Not managing very well. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night. But, before I start causing trouble with H, I want to make sure that this is what's happening.

I did call the number once--that's when a female answered and I just made up a name.

Yes, he has FB and MS--I've checked them already and there is no Debbie. One girl on there that I didn't know but I believe this to be a old high school friend. Haven't asked about her either.

Again, is it better to just go ahead and start asking questions or better to gather more information? I was thinking about trying to wait for the next phone bill (a little over a week) and see if I can get ahold of it to check to see if the calls/texts have continued and then start asking questions and calling? Thoughts?

I would go ahead and wait a week for the bill. It is very obvious that an affair is happening. How else to explain the calls and texts?

He will deny it, and she probably will too. But you at least have the warning that your marriage is in jeopardy.

Update?

I have decided that I am going to delay saying anything until I can get my hands on the next phone bill to see if the calls have continued. And, also to check the next bank statement to see if more money has been withdrawn and if so, how much.

Is this a good idea? I just wanted a little more proof. I've copied the statements and phone bill and am just waiting for more.

You can get more info or not, as you prefer. Good job on copying the statements and phone bills.

When you do approach WH about it, do NOT reveal your sources. Just say you know, but don�t tell him how. If you do, he will only hide it better and then it will be really hard to know what you are up against.

I think you should get more intel on OW just so you can expose to her spouse, parents, etc. But don�t wait too long. The longer you wait the more entrenched the affair becomes.

When does the next phone bill arrive?
Can you view the bills online?

Why wait for the bank statement....look it up online!!! Phone is the same thing!!!

We have always had seperate bank accounts--I don't know his log in to view his account online. And, the last time I hacked in the phone bill acct. online and tried to get back in, I couldn't.

The phone bill is "supposed" to come in the mail soon, I think the billing period ends on the 8th of each month so, we will see.

I would love to get more info on the OW but, I don't know what else I can do to figure out who this person is. I've already paid for the ussearch thing and didn't get anything back on that. I've googled her phone # and nothing. So, aside from me just calling her, I can't think of any other way to find out who it is.

I'm also keeping a log of what and where he tells me he is doing, going, etc. so that I can compare this to the bills if and when I ever get them.

Any other suggestions that you guys may have as to what I can be doing in the meantime?

Can you afford a private investigator? I know it costs but it does work. I had to use one to find the OMW info in Australia.

How about a voice-activated recorder in his car? They are cheap...about $15. You will be able to hear anything he says on the phone (or to anyone else in the car).

I don't even feel like I should be posting here tonight but I wanted to give an update on this.

My H has now changed his bank statements to not be mailed to the house. He's checking them online. Also, no cell phone bill is being mailed. He's having that emailed to him as well.

I do not have his passwords to anything. Our bank accounts are seperate.

I asked him today to forward me the cell bill so that I could look at it and I also said something about the bank statement--something to the effect of he did that so I couldn't see how much cash he was withdrawing.
He said he didn't like my "tone". I never got an email with the phone bill.
So, he's further concealed any information and I have no way to access it at all.
So, that's about it.

All the signs are there Dawn. Have you called or had somebody else call the OW to figure out who she is? You were given good advice on how to possibly get her name. It seems like you were content to wait around for the cell bill or bank statement. That hasn't gotten you any closer to the truth. Time to take some action. Perhaps you should seriously consider a PI at this point to know what you are dealing with.

Sorry for your pain....

Thanks Mindshare. I appreciate your response.

I wasn't content in waiting--I just wanted to try to get a little more solid evidence before saying anything. And, now I've found that this isn't going to be possible.
I have considered a PI but I'm not sure I could afford to do that. I will check in to it.

StillDawn, your H is being secretive, evasive, and likely dishonest. What is your BOUNDARY as far as this type of behaviour is concerned?

I think this has gotten past the "hiring a PI" stage. It's time to start protecting your boundaries...

Better Yet.....is your WS clear on what your boundaries are? If I asked your WH what your boundaries were what would he say?

Do you have his email pass word ??
If not there are sites on here that you can get them for you...
It will cost you though
it cost me 150.00
I had them in 3 days...
can pay by charge or pay pal...
It worked for me...

VARs are about $15

OH,

Dawn and her husband don't live in the same state right now...She wouldn't be able to place a VAR in his car...

Mrs. W

Here is the latest update on this situation:

Right after my last post on this thread (next day) I addressed the phone calls on the phone bill and all the $$ that had been taken out of his account. He acted like I was crazy and said he didn't believe that I saw this # on the phone bill. I point blank asked him if he knew anyone with the #--he said no. No real good explanation for the $$. He actually tried to turn things around on me saying that I was probably doing something and that was why I wanted the phone bill. Even told me to email him the # and he would find out who it belonged to--so I did.

I sent a text message to the # and asked who this was? No answer. Later, I sent another one that said "why does this # keep appearing on my husbands' phone bill, who is this?" No answer.

Last weekend, he came home for a short time and I got into his phone and found the # in question listed only as DM--so I took the phone to him and said "whose number is this?" He still acted a little stunned and in disbelief but said, it was a friend from his home state actually, an old high school girlfriend. He proceeded to give me some sob story about how she was bouncing back and forth from TX to MI--son in TX in the hospital with severe back problems, aged mother in MI who is blind with no one to take care of her.

I asked how they got back in to contact with each other and he said that she found him on FB. I said "is she on FB?" he said no. I said, well you have to have an account on FB in order to even go on there and search for friends.
Get this...he's found a short sale house in MI that he wants to buy for "investment" property and wants to rent it to this woman and her "mother". He is there in MI today looking at the house and doing whatever else.
I've seen old pictures of this girl and she was very attractive when she was young but he says that now she is old and ugly.

I'm really not sure of what is really going on here. But, my husband thinks I'm some kind of an idiot or something.

I guess some people would say that I deserve all this.

Nobody, but nobody deserves to have their partner commit adultery.

Nobody.

Why would you even say that?

Larry

sunshine4848, where did you get access to the email address?

sorry to tj