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And that he'll now do whatever I tell him to do, although he wants me to know he will never get better. Now there's a blank check! Sorry, that one made me laugh and provided several thoughts about what you could tell him to do. Well like I said earlier, withdrawal sucks. Poor pathetic little waywards and their hurt feel goods. Through withdrawal just like the adultery it's all about them. Hang in there. Time is the only cure. Are you going to use the Harleys for counseling?
Last edited by chrisner; 03/18/10 11:42 AM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I think so- I think I probably need to call individually first and get a good grasp on how to get through withdrawal.
He's just so negative, it's hard to stay positive. He refuses to admit that he will ever feel differently than today.
How long should I expect this to last?
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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General concensus is the worst passes in around 3-weeks but it can linger in some form or another for months. They have their triggers too about the adultery partner. it's hard to stay positive It is critical now that you do not lovebust at all. Expect nothing from him as withdrawal continues. Recovery can only start when the worst of the withdrawal is over. Don't you feel lucky.
Last edited by chrisner; 03/18/10 11:59 AM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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He's just so negative, it's hard to stay positive. He refuses to admit that he will ever feel differently than today.
He needs to admit nothing about his feeling to you while he is in this state.
Landmine --- AVOID !
Start giving him things TO DO.
Physical things.
"Mow the lawn"
"Take the kids to the park"
"Go to the market, I forgot dog food."
"Fix the broken table leg."
Is he going to work?How long should I expect this to last? You meant to ask: "How long should I put up with this?"I'd give it 2 weeks. Limit his ability to use YOU as a whipping girl. Tell him straight up: "Look, DH, you will not use me to vent your feelings over your adultery partner.
Here's a journal. Write it down.
Would you like pasta for dinner?"
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Get H to a physician.
He needs anti-Ds.
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I almost feel sorry for her. I do. She was played hard.
She'll recover.
She will learn from this experience, if she's not too dumb.
Her parents will help her.
How are your kids doing?
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He asked me yesterday to email her and tell her I had lied. He said he would know that I am putting him first, if I would just tell her that I lied about him still living with me for the past three years. He said he would be able to go on, because then he would know she doesn't hate him. He got very angry and told me I disappointed him by not agreeing to email her and lie for him. 
Where did she think he was living for 3 years?
Maybe she is "that dumb".
Last edited by Pepperband; 03/18/10 12:04 PM.
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Okay- he is going to work, for short periods of time, then he calls me and tells me he's having a panic attack.
I will find a list of activities for him to do. I've made him take the kids to their lessons this week, trying to get him out of the house and on a schedule.
Okay. I won't ask him how he feels anymore. I will knock that off right now. He's taking it as a license to tell me how bad losing her sucks. And that has got to stop. I can't really take hearing how wonderful he was with her and how I pale in comparison.
He keeps calling me and asking me all sorts of questions, and then makes these really weird and overly polite commentaries.
It makes me want to get off the phone with him immediately. How do i offer him pasta over the phone?
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Get H to a physician.
He needs anti-Ds.
I know- he's a week away from an appointment where he can get them. Our family physician won't prescribe right now, because H is under the care of a psych. He asked at the bloodwork appt on Tuesday.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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I almost feel sorry for her. I do. She was played hard.
She'll recover.
She will learn from this experience, if she's not too dumb.
Her parents will help her.
How are your kids doing?
My kids are confused, by his pouting and behavior, but I am loving them extra hard, and have been plan A-ing them fulltime. They are clingy to me, to a degree, and seem to intuitively know to avoid him.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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He told her we were still married, but that he hadn't lived with me for years. And that I had most of his money, so he stayed with different friends. But she never ever saw where he "lived">
I guess, like me, she saw what she wanted to see.
I still cannot believe he wanted me to contact her and tell her I lied. What the heck thinking goes on for that to seem like a plan?
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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He just called and told me that even though it's what he needs the most, he won't ask me to email her again, because it hurts me to do it.
He said over and over again it's what he needs, but he's going to put me first, and not ask again.
At no point do I believe he's sincere. He wants me to contact her ( which I won't), and I know he's hoping I will.
He just cannot accept that he lied to her as much if not more than he lied to me. It's crazy> he wants me to correct how she sees him.
Last edited by RidicSit; 03/18/10 12:30 PM.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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What the heck thinking goes on for that to seem like a plan? Maybe he thought of it while listening outside the pachyderm enclosures at the zoo.
Last edited by chrisner; 03/18/10 12:29 PM.
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LOL!!!!
I guess. Asking your wife to lie to your restraining ordered mistress is a place I guess I thought I would never see.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Okay- he is going to work, for short periods of time, then he calls me and tells me he's having a panic attack.
SLOW DEEP BREATHS
each breath exhaled slower than the previous
have him do 10
if not better
10 more .... slower and deeper
exhaled through pursed lips (as if to whistle)I will find a list of activities for him to do. I've made him take the kids to their lessons this week, trying to get him out of the house and on a schedule. Okay. I won't ask him how he feels anymore. I will knock that off right now. He's taking it as a license to tell me how bad losing her sucks. And that has got to stop. I can't really take hearing how wonderful he was with her and how I pale in comparison.
Instead ask:
"Would you like me to rub your shoulders?"
He will say "No" ... and that's OK.
If he starts to "spout" ... stop him and ask him if he wants a "shoulder rub".
Eventually, he will allow it.
If he talks during the shoulder rub, "shush" him, tell him that you need to "concentrate".
Don't allow him to talk while you "relax" his shoulders.He keeps calling me and asking me all sorts of questions, and then makes these really weird and overly polite commentaries.
He's using this to quell anxiety. This is GOOD, although annoying.
Or, change the subject if it gets too weird.
It makes me want to get off the phone with him immediately. How do i offer him pasta over the phone?
Ask something completely off the wall.
"Do you know where pasta was invented?
Look it up for me and let me know."
YOU are going to have to become stoic to a heroic level.
YOU are the sane one.
Again, how are your kids doing?
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My kids are okay- they are kinda clingy to me. I've been really plan A-ing them like crazy. They are kind of avoiding him, to some degree- they seem to be able to read the crazy and stay away.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Asking your wife to lie to your restraining ordered mistress in order to show him your love is a place I guess I thought I would never see. Not many denominations address that one in their marriage vows I am guessing.
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He is supposed to be sleeping in the basement, but he has slept all over the place- floor of our bedroom, living room floor, in the hall. I wake up sometimes and he's standing over me, looking at me, so he can talk to me.
Okay. Shoulder rub is the new plan. I can do that. Everytime he talks about her, he is keeping her closer. That's no good.
I just asked him about pasta. He is compltely confused. Me likey.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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