The OM has a facebook account. It says "single - looking for a relationship/friendship". The OM has 4 teenage kids and is divorced. With his job, he travels 4 or 5 days a week. And on the weekends he spends the time with his kids. My wife is a low priority on his radar. I think he probably calls her or texts her every few days just to keep up the relationship so when he's got nothing better to do he can call my wife and go out to dinner.

I know I may be naive, but my wife claims they only slept together once. I'm not saying I believe her but based on what I've seen and what she has told me, and a few comments (during crying spells) she has made about her dissatisfaction with the OM relationship, I suspect the OM is not paying too much attention to my wife. Between my wife baby-sitting 5-7 days a week 8-14 hours a day, and the times of emails and phone conversations my wife and I have had, the time my wife and I have spent together, I know she has not seen this guy in at least three weeks. And the thing is, my wife is very open about the fact that she can do whatever she wants, and she is right. She is not trying to hide anything. She has told me point blank that she is not ready to commit to me that she will not see the guy anymore.

I found a few emails on my wife's computer the other day where they exchanged some conversation recently. There was nothing romantic about the conversations. It was basically small-talk chit-chat where they were asking each other about the family and the kids etc. ....


One thing you guys needs to understand about Texas law concerning adultery. The courts and the law could care less if a spouse is cheating before or after separation and during the divorce. Basically you are free to date as much as you want after separation begins and there is nothing the spouse of the cheater can do about it. If my wife wants to see someone else, there is nothing I can do to stop her and she will not experience any negativity from the divorce courts as a result of her cheating on me. My wife has convinced herself that she can do anything she wants as it pertains to dating and she is fully within her right to do that. My wife's friends also think this same way. Their image of marriage being sacred is sadly lacking.

I am 99% sure the OM did not break up marriage and that they met three months after the seperation. I know exactly when they met, because I could see a huge change in my wife's attitude toward me. I'm pretty sure someone set them up on a blind date during the x-mas holidays when I was out of town visiting my family.

I bet OM would look good on the stand if he was deposed as part of divorce proceedings. Just sayin'.

Tex, this is not necessarily true. I've been in the legal field (in Texas) for many years, some of that in Family Law. While Texas IS a no-fault state, adultery IS still on the books. It CAN be used in a divorce case when it comes to the division of the property. Frankly, there are a LOT of Texans (including Family Law Judges) who still view adultery as WRONG.

In fact, OM can be named as a witness in a Texas divorce case to PROVE the adultery. Nothing like a high-profile person getting a subpoena to testify about their affair with one of the spouses in a divorce, where it can become public record for ANYONE who wants can look at the file. Trust me, I have FIRST HAND experience with this.

If your WW is living in an apartment with her 25yo DD and babysitting every day, who is paying for the apartment? You?

Stop paying for her to destroy your marriage! If the OM wants to keep her available to boink when he has nothing else better to do, let HIM pay for her apartment!

Make a list of all his Facebook friends and print it out. This is important so that you don't lose access to their names.

Then, look at each one of their profiles. Under their pictures on the left, it will say, "Send ___ a message." Send each and everyone a message saying, "OM is committing adultery with my wife (WW's name). I love my wife very much, and I would appreciate any help you can offer in getting OM to end this adulterous affair with her."

You can do this very quickly if you copy the message and then paste it on each message you send.

Tex, to your detriment, you are resisting the extremely good advice you are getting here.

Your best thinking has gotten you in this position to begin with.

Your WW coming home and having sex with you once in a while is nothing more than what she has to do to keep you giving her what she wants (money? SF when OM isn't available?). Your wife blowing up and becoming angry is a VERY GOOD THING! It means that you have made the OM very NERVOUS! Do NOT back off! Ramp up the pressure by EXPOSING!

When he dumps her for good, she will see that he was only using her.

This is why you need to expose POS's A with YOUR wife. She is fence-sitting.

Sorry I left this out: My wife and I have a pre-nup, so the property division will be strictly guided by the pre-nup. We're not fighting over property. We've already settled how the property will be divided. The last thing I want is to have a long drawn out court battle. Only the lawyers win in that situation.

Sorry I left this out: My wife and I have a pre-nup, so the property division will be strictly guided by the pre-nup. We're not fighting over property. We've already settled how the property will be divided. The last thing I want is to have a long drawn out court battle. Only the lawyers win in that situation. [/quote]

Whoa! Where did all this divorce talk suddenly come from? Do you want to save your M or not?? You should not be getting comfortable looking at a fall-back position right now.

Well then I guess you can just sit back and watch your marriage die the death of a thousand cuts OR you can continue on with exposure and watch the affair die. It doesn't stop there by the way, there is a PLAN to follow, but if you don't get the first part right, you may as well do nothing.

Your call. You seem resistant to the advice you're being given. Look, this advice isn't new. It's tried and PROVEN to be your BEST chance at recovering your marriage -- unless of course you're too afraid to take any further action.

Go ahead, believe that OM will back off if you sit and do nothing else, but I'll bet you $50 bucks that your way will get you nothing but divorced.

His wife and he are already separated, she already filed for divorce, sounds like everything has been decided upon. Now they have spent a little time together recently, got along, and she asked her lawyer to hold off on the paperwork a little while. The divorce talk occurred long before Tex ever came here and started this thread.

I am not giving my wife any money. My wife bought a house of her own last summer and moved out in Sept 2009. My wife has her own money that she gets from her first husband in their divorce agreement. My wife gets $106K a year from her first husband. That payment is finished in 5 years and my wife does not work nor has she ever worked. It's just not nearly enough to support her lifestyle and her daughter/grandchild. So my wife knows in 5 years, she is gonna be out of money and she is working it as best she can to sink her hooks into the OM so she can live a life of power and wealth and not worry about money. She is living in a fantasy. The chances of the OM marrying her is almost nothing. I love my wife very much, but she is a very screwed up person with alot of serious emotional issues. The OM will see through that pretty quickly if he spends alot of time with her and then he will want nothing more to do with her.

Just some additional info, I met my wife when she was married to her first husband and I was the other man. I am very ashamed of what I did and I know what I did as very wrong. After experiencing the pain of what my wife is doing now, I sent the first husband a letter of apology for all the pain and suffering that I caused him. Here is the email I sent him (names changed to protect the innocent):


Good morning Joe,

I know I'm probably the last person in the world that you would ever want to hear from, and I don't blame you at all for that. I have wanted to send you this email for many years. I want to tell you I am truly sorry for all the pain that I have caused you for the part I had in destroying your marriage by taking your wife away from you and all the damage that caused to your family. It was a terrible and totally wrong thing that I did to involve myself with Mrs Joe while you were married to her. For all these years, not a day has gone by that I didn't think about what I did and how it affected your life and all the pain you must have gone through for many years. I have no excuse for my actions and I will not try to place blame anywhere else. I was wrong and I deeply regret it. I can only account my actions to my own weakness that allowed temptation to take control of me which caused me to do what I knew to be wrong then and now. It was very selfish of me. I am fully aware that no words I can offer can make up for what I have done. Ronnie - I am truly sorry and I hope one day you can forgive me for what I did to you.

As a closing word, I want you to know I was very happy to hear last year that you remarried. It is my heartfelt hope you have found peace and happiness in your new life.

**edit**

The OM is an attorney. He can make my life a living hell with just a few minutes of his time and it won't cost him any attorney fees. Plus he worked for the Governor in a very high ranking position. He could pick up the phone and have the police raid my house and plant some drugs if he wanted to. You don't play around with people like this. Sadly this is the reality of the country we live in.

Regardless of how much I love my wife, I have to draw the line somewhere as to the extent of suffering and pain I am willing to endure to get her back. I live a pretty good life and outside of my marriage I really don't have any problems. I do not want to create more problems for myself other than what I am going through with my wife. I am not going to risk my longterm personal happiness and well being for the chance that maybe my wife will decide to come back to me. I am not willing to cross that line where I begin a mud slinging campaign against my wife's affair to anyone and everyone associated with my wife and the OM.

I do have that image every day and night. And it's horrible. Yes I am getting the revenge I deserve. I made a mistake and I was wrong, and I will have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life.

Right, you just made a mistake that's all. Just like the one your wife and her OM are making. It's just a mistake.

I made a mistake and let the kids waffles burn this morning. Just a mistake, same thing.

Good luck!

I don't get it. You seem so relaxed about this.

So, she isn't worth it to you.

Well, you get what you pay for.

Oh. Now I get it. Good luck with the D.

** Profane, inciting, unhelpful **