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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6 |
6 months ago...
I only wanted the phone to stop. I worked all night and the phone wouldn't quit. So I pushed the button and the messages were all right there. Over and over my husband was telling this other woman how he wanted her to come over (while I was working!).
We moved on. Worked it out. He understood how it hurt me...
2 weeks ago...
The messages are back. Another woman. This time, I wasn't a stupid little girl. I investigated everything. Called the other woman.
He says he is sorry. Wants to go to counseling, that he has a sickness and doesn't know how to stop...
His family history is all that is saving our marriage right now.
A grandfather who has cheated for 40 years, a mother who has cheated for 20, and an aunt who just recently left a 20 yr marriage for a 17 yr old boy.
I need help. I love him, but I feel stupid.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Hi, abo, and welcome to Marriage Builders. Some of the more experienced folks are sure to be along here in a little bit (I think Monday mornings start out a little slow here) and offer to start teaching you what you need to know; all the information is here that you need to keep your marriage from being a statistic, along with several people who have been right where you are and come out on the other side with a happy, loving, faithful marriage.
For now, you might poke around the different sections of this site, giving particular attention to the basic concepts and Q&A columns sections, which you can find from links at the top. This will give you the chance to start learning a lot of the terms people use around here, which will help them to communicate with you about your situation and talk to you about what you need to know.
Again, welcome to marriage builders. You are in the right place to rebuild your marriage.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6 |
Thank you, I am looking at all this site has to offer now. Everywhere I have been until this point says there is no hope. I can't accept that. He is a good man, just not the best he can be right now.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Thank you, I am looking at all this site has to offer now.
Why is it you ... looking,reading and making the effort, instead of him?
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6 |
The reality is, we have problems. My husband doesn't even know how to turn this computer on, silly boy. I feel he has to choose his own path. This one is to help me, not him. I no longer view us as one, but as two. His deadline for a counselor is this friday.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6 |
I have so many questions...
Is there an average time for pain? I feel so sick all the time, like I'm gonna vomit. My head spins, I get light headed, I can't get out of bed, I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm a zombie.
I spy on his phone records online. I check his phone when he gets home. the other woman agreed to never contact him again, but its not enough. i feel like i'm spinning out of control and don't know when its going to end.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I have so many questions...
Is there an average time for pain?
The pain won't end while his behavior is ongoing.
However, you might choose to create personal boundaries where you remove yourself from situations that cause you harm/hurt/pain.
In that case, your current level of pain would gradually decrease over time. Perhaps a year.
Sounds like you need to speak to your physician about your possible anxious depression. Your symptoms could become serious.
There is an old saying:
Pain in inevitable in life.
Suffering, is optional.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6 |
Today isn't easy for me. I was beginning to think that there might be something to fix for my husband and myself. I don't think there is. Two weeks have went by and the only thing I've seen about a counselor is a card and a piece of paper. neither of which had an appointment with someone on them. All he talks about is his new promotion at work. How wonderful they think he is. How far he is gonna go. Our anniversary is tomorrow. He has to go to a job dinner, that family isn't allowed to attend. Is that selfish of me? To want him to focus on me, to work hard for me, to be here for me?! I don't understand. I hate him for doing this to me. I told him that I thought taking this job was a bad idea. It was going to cause problems because I needed him to make our marriage his priority right now. I'm never first. I don't see that I ever will be.
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